okay, Cara, look, not only does not talking about it not make it any less real, she doesn't need to care anymore, she can have esper cuddles and hookups and partners now  she still misses them like a hole in her heart

"- recent exes are going to have a field day with this, they love doing weird engineering brainstorming together, I should tell them and get ideas from them soon."

...She's going to be a bit clingy.

"...hm?" He pets her.

Words. Use them. "Oh, just - I have some baggage about it, sorry. I really miss them. It was - I spent a week without hiding in my room and not really talking to anyone, after it happened, and I mostly haven't been letting my brain go there since." Clingy Cara.

"What happened?"

She curls up. "They got a dream offer together to do graduate studies in applied exotic physics working under a professor that taught a visiting class here a few years back and they've been starstruck about ever since. She teaches out in BC. It was the happiest I'd ever seen either of them, when they got the news. A-and -"

She swallows a sob. "T-they'd applied expecting to not get it, she'd told them she was almost sure she could only take 1 of them and they'd never have split up. I-I encouraged them to do it anyways, because I knew how happy it'd make them, but I - I didn't think it would happen, I wasn't ready for it at all. I did my best to be happy for them and help them wrap things up here, but it was really hard." 

"And you didn't want to try to be long-distance?"

She barks out harsh laugh. "...I would have loved to, if it were a real option." She nestles herself in his arms. "They proposed it, actually, and I did my best to act excited about it, but - I know what they're like, when they've got everything they need in front of them. Mags sends me cool things to read, regularly. We talk about them, sometimes, and she'll give me life updates about what her and Reve have been up to, when I ask, but - it feels like pulling teeth, and getting them to find time to hang out online together was even worse. It sucked. We technically never broke up, but - it would have been a lot easier for me if they'd just dumped me, when they left." 

Pet pet.

"...Sorry. I know that was a lot." Cling.

"...you can work from any city, you know. You could go poke fifty people in Vancouver and find a partner there, most likely, and it wouldn't be that hard to talk me into moving either if you'd rather."

Awwwww... Her face lights up a bit. "...Haru, that is really really sweet of you to offer and I appreciate it! But... no,  even if they moved back here tomorrow, I don't really know if I'd want to try again. Missing what we had and feeling like it'd be safe to try again are very different things."

She kisses him. "And besides, someone new has caught my attention, lately."

"Oh, well, someone new didn't want to presume."

"That's extremely valid of him! I was getting all mopey about my exes in his arms." She giggles and kisses him again. "Thanks for listening."

"Anytime."

She flops on him so she can whisper into his ear. "I think I might be too tired tonight, and also if you want me out of your hair so you can sleep alone I can head back to my place, but for the record I endorse what I said yesterday about being interested in escalating beyond makeouts with you."

"Oh, lucky me," purrs Haru. "I'm not particularly itching to sleep alone, if you don't want to go sleep in your own bed."

-she makes a happy squeak noise and hugs him tight. "'m really glad to hear it."

"Guided sleep is really nice and you were very obliging about the back-to-back notebooking time!"

She giggles. "My backlash has a lot of downsides but it thankfully does not make me bad at giving people alone time when they need it! And" wait should she tell him? ...yeah, it's silly of her but it's complimentary, he'll like it " - it's so charming, the way you notebook. After you told me what you were up to with it I'd sometimes sit there dreamily thinking about the things you might be writing about..."

"...oh my. What were your guesses?"

Ehehehe. "Welll, the morning after your first mystery bathroom trip post-makeout session, I enjoyed imagining you devoted some words to how much fun you were having with your backlashed little rescue and perhaps also to the virtues of self-restraint? But honestly I did not have a lot of confident guesses, it was mostly - daydreaming around a theme?" Nuzzle.

"I will confess to some meditation on the virtue of self-restraint appearing in there once you convinced me we should be kissing."

-She wiggles happily. "Well. You did a very good job on that front! And also..." Blushy Cara. "this is very selfish of me, but it's weirdly nice to hear that it took effort on your part."

"I'm not constantly wrestling with the temptation to take advantage of random people I meet, but a compatible cute esper sitting in my lap and kissing me like that, yeah, the effort was discernible."

"I'm just not super used to people finding me especially physically attractive! I usually get by with my charm. Though I suppose I did just get a literal magic glowup..." She looks down at her boobs and grins happily.