"That's - close. It may have been more retroactively alarming because I was backlashed at the time for that reason. But my focus here is on how I seem to have accidentally raped you, and while I might appreciate many possible sentiments you could be about to generate on this subject, I'm not going to take you all that seriously till you're done awakening - like, it might be that I in fact should, but till you've had a look at your backlash in retrospect while lucid and can come to a conclusion on that I won't know."

...................This is very hard to work through.

"I mean, it kind of sounds like I tortured you.  Or, caused you to be tortured."

"...that's not really relevant to what I said and can be completely addressed in my book by making sure I have my phone in reach if you pass out on me again while I'm backlashed, which, separately, I'm planning to avoid, because it compromises my judgment and I no longer think I have the surplus good judgment for that."

"No, I mean for making you think you raped me."

"I'm not sure I understand what you mean?"

This is SO hard.  "You look... tortured...."

"Well, you know, I sort of liked the thing where I considered myself a kind of guy who wouldn't rape anyone, this is not really related to me having a bad time for phone-fell-out-of-my-pocket reasons even if they happened on the same day."

"I'm not talking about that!  You keep thinking I'm fixated on that when I'm trying to have a serious discussion with you, because you think I'm delusional, but I'm right and I'm trying to show that you're in denial!"

"- Sorry, I'm really sorry."  Hug????  "We're in here together."

"- sorry, are -" sure, hug, he's not trying to do some kind of fucked up thing where he withholds hug based guiding because of any of this shit - "are you trying to incorporate the fact that I made a decision I now think was bad into the narrative where I'm in some kind of torture environment?"

Sad nuzzle.  "How would I not do that?  It's really important information."

"...okay, well, that is not what I think is going on, still."

".....Okay.  It's evidence, though," Julien insists.

"........technically speaking, sure."

Nod.  Julien unhugs enough to scrape some more at the bottom of his bowl and collect another spoonful of cheese sauce.  "I think it's probably not just for torture," he shares.  "I think there is also some other stuff going on."  And he braces in case he gets smote for that.

"...oh?" It's probably not, like, decision-relevant from Haru's standpoint, but if it were boy would he have egg on his face for not listening, and also listening is polite, probably, since Julien does not at this moment seem to want to send Haru to Indonesia.

"I tried to have a conversation with the pastor, in case they'd tell me things about what I should do through someone plausibly deniable and not otherwise, and he said God loves me.  And it... does not really feel like that right now, but - it did, during the sex.  And after it."

"That's... guiding? Also possibly endorphins but I expect you're more familiar with those."

"Real guiding is supposed to feel good," Julien acknowledges.  "...How long ago did you awaken?"

"About five years back."

Julien rubs his arm.  (...Wow, muscles.)  "I'm sorry..." how does he phrase this, "if you've been in here a while."

"I appreciate the sentiment but most of the time I really like being an esper on the whole."

Nod.  "I think something really complicated is going on."

...nod.

"...If you know of any dungeons that do this type of stuff you probably learned about them after you awakened, right?"