"Uh, okay, congrats, still think it's not a great idea."

Julien is going to DIE.  Of THIS.

"Anyway, nice talking to you; thanks for the potential backup; let us know about the shift thing."

"Okay.  Uh, feel better soon."

"Thanks, Chanon, bye." And end call.

"Most espers go through awakening alone?  I mean without guiding?"

"Yeah. I was home with my parents taking shifts. Lotta people ride it out in the hospital. Many people don't know they aren't suffering a random disease or a psychotic break till it goes away suddenly end of week, and some backlashes cause problems that are not themselves the backlash so it doesn't even go away suddenly end of week, Rhombus had an awakening like that."

"So there's maybe not a lot of data on what people tend to regret or not.  Who's Rhombus?"

"...she's the best combat esper in Toronto. Does force fields."

What's that note of uncertainty about, is it the secretness of the backlash or what Julien said or what.  "Nice."

"She's great, shepherded me through my first dungeons."

"Also nice."

"Yeah."

What would he be saying if this were real.  "I just - really would like more painkillers than I've been getting, and - I'm trying to evaluate whether that's a bad idea but I kind of think it might not be, and - if I were sure it was a bad idea, I would cope.  But I'm not sure of that.  On my end."

"It won't stick. I can pick up more of my own backlash if we are not relying on me being able to tolerate peace and quiet for anything."

"...Time spent in less pain is time spent in less pain," Julien tautologizes.  "And - it lets me do more of the kissing kind.  Otherwise I'd be suggesting something more one-sided."

"I'm not going to take offense if you take an extra few minutes in the bathroom at some point, just, you are in a compromised state here."

"...I don't think that'll work."

"Alas." Haru admittedly also cannot get off (alone) while backlashed.

Oh good he doesn't have to come up with an excuse for why not.  .....Snuggle.

Yup, snuggle.

Really really snuggle.  It's the same question he's asked himself a hundred times already, but: why physical intimacy feel so good but also logistics so difficult.  (And it's the same answer, too.)

"If you get backlashed, does that help for longer, too, or just more?"

"Just more, but the awakening pull doesn't get stronger reactively so in practice also longer."

He nods against Haru.  "I would be more sure it was a bad idea if I were either less jumpy or more jumpy specifically during kissing."