Right this minute instead of talking with Chifeng-zun about the war he is talking with Jiang Yanli about the wedding. He beams at her as she approaches. 

"Brother. Jiang-guniang." She bows. "I can wait."

"Oh, we were nearly done anyway," Jiang Yanli assures her, and they wrap it up and then Yanli leaves to go do wedding things. 

"I would like to speak with Madam Meng."

"Oh! Of course, why don't you wait here while I make sure she isn't around Wei Ying or anything." 

"Thank you."

He goes off to find Meng Shi, confirms that Wei Ying is not hanging out with her or anywhere they're likely to run into her by accident on the way there, and goes and fetches Lan Zhan. 

"Madam Meng. This is my sister and Wei Ying's fiancee, Lan Zhan." 

"It's an honor to finally meet you, Lan-guniang. Everyone I have met has spoken very well of you."

"Mn. It is an honor.

Are you glad that you are alive?"

She blinks. How is she meant to answer a question like that?? "I - ah, yes, Lan-guniang, I do think so. It was alarming at the very start, but since then... I am glad to be here, to see my son and his life, and to be - aware. Being capable of observing the world and thinking things about it, I much prefer existing such that I can do so."

She doesn't remember what it was like to not exist, obviously, to be unaware and unthinking and gone. She would have expected that dying once would make her less afraid of death, but the idea of returning to that non-state unnerves her as much as it did in her first life.

"Hm."

"...Jiang-guniang observed earlier that not having been a cultivator may make it easier for Madam Meng," Xichen says slowly. 

"Why?"

"Fewer specific negative associations with fierce corpses, and it seems possible that cultivation may not be possible in such a body." 

"This one apologizes that she cannot be more helpful."

"No need. What you were able to say was at least reassuring."

She meets Brother's eyes. "Do you think Mother would..."

"I do not know whether a life such as this would be one that Mother would want to live. But...A-Zhan, I am certain that if--if you presented her with your wife and your child, if you told her that you were happy and loved, she would be willing to undergo unpleasantness for a short time, in order to meet them, to learn that."

But if Mother decides to die again after acquainting herself with the current lives of her children - 

Lan Zhan won't want to let her go. It would hurt more to lose her a second time than to never see her again; for months, the grief will be fresh and sharp anew.

What Mother would want is more important than what Lan Zhan wants, and so she must ignore that fear. But there is... lots of it. Lots of fear.

She looks down.

...Meng Shi feels like she should maybe leave, but she hasn't been dismissed yet.

"I agree," she murmurs, head bowed. "That that is what a mother would want."

"And...I suspect the loss of cultivation would be less of a blow to her, than to most who had been cultivators. She was--unable to do very much, for a long time before she died. The transition would be less of a shock." 

"It could be physically painful. There is no literature to consult."

"Madam Meng suffers no pain," he nods to the woman in question. "I do not think having had a Golden Core in life would specifically change that. It wouldn't be the same as, say, falling victim to the Core-Melting Hand."

That's..... good to hear, though not as reassuring as she would like. Probably nothing will be as reassuring as she would like.

She thanks Madam Meng and apologizes for taking her time.

Oh, it's fine! Meng Shi has mostly been spending her time sewing, mending clothes and assisting Jiang-guniang with wedding preparations: nothing very time sensitive.