"There is that. But you should have had her, more than once a month. I'm really sorry that was done to you."

"It was not her fault. She was brave. She should not have killed herself, she did nothing wrong."

"I'm not saying that she did. I'm saying whoever disallowed her from raising you did."

Being angry at Wei Ying is incorrect. Wei Ying came here to support her. She has done nothing but support her. Apparently she meant nothing by what she said, so there is nothing to even be angry about.

She feels angry anyway, which is wrong, and so she rises to her feet and walks inside the gentian house to separate the anger from Wei Ying's presence.

Oh no she ran her stupid mouth and now Lan Zhan's mad at her. 

What if everything's ruined now??? What if Lan Zhan doesn't want Wei Ying to touch her ever again? What if--what if--

She goes to find something useful to do that isn't panicking. 

Almost everything inside is missing or damaged. One wall hanging has miraculously made it through unscathed. The bed remains, stripped of its cushions. Lan Zhan sits on it and curls up, looking out at this room that she loved more than any other place, that was the happiest room of her childhood, where her mother had been imprisoned and died alone.

She wonders if there was ever blood. Lan Zhan never saw any.

She imagines if the Wens had kept her in a nice room like this, if she could have beared to live there for nine years. To raise a child - 

She's used to everyone hating her mother, but she had always thought that Wei Ying more than anyone would understand her. Uncle had never said that Mother was selfish for continuing to live, living long enough to drive his brother into shame and seclusion. Selfish for continuing to exist as a threat to her children, a dangerous influence that could corrupt them further to evil the longer she lived.

But of course he would think so. Uncle was very good about hiding this when Lan Zhan was young, but she knows he hated Mother.

And now Wei Ying thinks Mother was selfish for the opposite reason. Selfish for her complacency, allowing Lan Zhan to grow up without a mother. As though she should have thrown herself on the sword, as though that would have helped Lan Zhan or anyone. As though dying on someone's behalf was better than living for them.

Eventually the panic dies down and she comes back. 

"Lan Zhan?" she calls softly from the doorway. 

She's still curled up on her side, crying silently. "Mn."

Oh noooooo

"I'm sorry. I know how much your sect means to you. I shouldn't have said you'd be better off if you had grown up not here." 

...confused blink.

"Is that not what you were upset about? Did I say even more dumb stuff than I knew I did!?"

"You said my mother should have died before she allowed us to be taken away."

"Oh. I'm sorry. That's--not what I meant. I meant I would have been too selfish not to." 

Oh. 

"...apologies for misunderstanding.

Many people think my mother was selfish."

She sits down next to Lan Zhan and hugs her. 

"You love her a lot. She can't have been any worse than me." 

HUG. "I think you would have understood each other."

Snuggle snuggle snuggle. 

"I wish I could meet her. I wish you could meet my parents." 

Squeeze. "Me too."

There's temptation to tell Wei Ying that she missed her period. This would be a natural time to bring that up, if it were important. But it isn't important and it doesn't mean anything, yet, and so she won't. 

They can snuggle here for a while and eventually head back before anyone begins to worry.

There's a lot to do. Cleaning up Wen corpses, cleaning up general Wen mess, starting to rebuild...Wei Ying ends up spending a lot of time working on modifying some of the talismans she used to protect the camp where the children and the injured hid into something that can be integrated into the wards when they go back up, in case the Wens decide to try again. 

Lan Zhan is still supposed to be resting her leg when convenient, so she spends a lot of her time playing healing music for the injured survivors and discussing strategies and logistics with Brother.

All of the strategies involve returning aid to Qinghe as soon as they can afford to. They haven't heard any bad reports from the west, yet, but that means little.

She and Wei Ying still spend their nights cuddled together, safely away from Lan Qiren's view.

Eventually things sort of plateau; they've done what they can do, for now, and the rest is mostly time. 

Zewu-jun thinks they are in a good enough position to send the Nie cultivators back; it's not like their own sect doesn't need them right now. 

He thinks they are in a good enough position to send some volunteers of their own with them. 

Lan Zhan volunteers. 

Wei Ying will go where Lan Zhan goes, obviously. 

(Is she sure her leg is well enough??? Wei Ying will not ask this in front of people.)

Yes, she's Completely Sure. It didn't present a problem when they retook the Cloud Recesses, and she doesn't expect it to in the future.

(It still hurts a lot to walk on, but that isn't an important detail.)

That is definitely an important detail!!! Wei Ying won't argue about going off to war, she knows better, and she won't say anything about it in front of the others, but she will kiss the spot where it hurts with the gentle devotion of a thousand swooning poets at night.