"Uh, most people don't trust anyone but they still want to have sex, because it beats being alone, except there's an asymmetry because most people are straight and men want sex more and also it's much safer for a boy to go home with a random girl than for a girl to go home with a random boy, if neither of them have magic. So mostly if you're a pretty girl there are lots of men who want to have sex with you but, like, all of them would sell you out to protect themselves and half of them are assholes and ten percent of them will straight-up try to rape you and it's hard to tell which so a lot of girls don't bother, or stick with a moderately shitty person who at least has proved himself not to be in the bottom decile. I'm not actually sure that this teaches one much of anything about how to have a happy marriage, if I were looking for models for happy marriages I'd think of - functional business partnerships, or something, or stories but it's stupid to reason from stories."

"That makes sense. And is also very sad. It - really does not make it sound bothering worth. At least I understand how functional business partnerships work." Leareth sighs a little. "This conversation seems very important to have but it is not exactly a cheerful one, sorry." 

"Doesn't sound like we've had very cheerful lives."

"Not so much, no." 

"I'm not sure what else people talk about. Money. I'm not in any debt because I couldn't get loans that were remotely worthwhile on a laundry wizard's income and family'd ask too many questions, maybe report it. I have expensive spending habits because I am a wizard, but not really other than that. Normally I would say it's important to me to send the kids to the best school they test into but I am not imagining this will be an issue. - kids, I guess people talk about kids. I already said that if I hate being pregnant I will only do it twice. Realistically I will be flexible about that if it's somehow leaving Cheliax in the hands of a maniac but if you're immortal it really shouldn't. if I don't hate it or if I hate it for reasons we can throw a lot of magic at, then I dunno? I read once that larger noble families means more political instability so maybe we'd want to stop at two anyway."

Leareth nods. "Also I hear children are time-consuming, and - Aroden predicts I will like having children and wish to spend time with them even though if I wanted I could have them mostly raised by nursery staff. He said he was surprised by how much he appreciated his children and missed them when he had to be away." 

"Does he have more than Zahra?"

"Just Zahra and his adopted son Saba; he was three when the disaster hit Cheliax, and Aroden rescued him after his parents' death and brought him across the sea to Osirion. Intending to find another adoptive family for him, but he never did, nobody was in a position to feed extra mouths that year and - I suppose both of them became quite attached to one another. Aroden says that he desperately needed someone to hold onto - that it was awful not being able to save all of Cheliax but at least he could save one child." 

- nod. 

She leans her head on his shoulder. "Two, then, as a baseline, we can always revisit it."

"All right." 

"Not sure what else. If there's more horrible stuff we should know about each other I guess maybe we should -

- I reported people for disloyalty. In the military. It was my job to do Detect Thoughts on everybody and ask a standard buncha questions and report anyone who was - planning to escape, or convert, or fake their death, or whatever."

Leareth nods. Hugs her a little. "If you want an itemized list of all the horrible things I have ever done, we are going to be here for a while. Most of it is comes with having engaged in wars. Assassinated people. I accidentally nearly assassinated Vanyel, which was embarrassing - contingency-plan that was not supposed to be active but there was a miscommunication or something, even in the post-mortem I never figured out exactly what happened there. I - had various plans to weaken Valdemar's defences when my main plan involved taking them over. Employed various very dubious people as bounty hunters. Kidnapped mage-gifted children. I - created a nasty artifact that would summon demons on a person's entire family when triggered, for an unscrupulous man who wanted to take over a neighbouring kingdom, in exchange for his agreement to help with the invasion. Ended up being a rather stupid idea, for reasons I suspect a god specifically wanted me not to know. Makes my recent murder somewhat fitting, though it would have needed to happen to me a hundred times to really balance it out." 

"Things don't really balance. They just get better, or they get worse.  

- that was my uh, vision, when Iomedae chose me, was saying that."

Nod. 

"Are you okay?"

"I - really wish - I had found out about Golarion before this. Ideally two thousand years ago, but - at any point between then and when would have been better, and - I could have not had to weigh my options and decide to pay so many costs." 

"If one of our good gods pulled you here - when they did - 

- probably it'd be because the right time was when you were friends with Vanyel and had an army. I'm sure it was a terrible time for - you having the chance to be okay personally - 

- but I find it easier to live with, when I see it like that, even though I'm not sure if the plan is that clear -"

...It doesn't feel like the point is really whether he personally is okay, but Leareth doesn't feel like getting into it more right now. It - does help a little, not so much the specific words Carissa is saying as the fact that she's trying to think of something at all. 

He closes his eyes and rests his head on her shoulder and decides against apologizing, again, that her goddess sent her to marry someone with such a disturbing past. 

Hug. 

"Want to head to bed and cuddle?" he says eventually. "I am not sure how much I will be in the mood for anything else, tonight, but - I would very much like it if you stayed again." 

"Of course." 

So he takes her hand and walks to the bedroom with her. Sits down heavily on the side of the bed. He already feels kind of tired of thinking about wedding planning, and also keeps remembering things that aren't dealt with yet... "Maybe we should fit in going clothes shopping tomorrow as well so you have other non-wedding dresses to wear." 

"Everybody's going to be really busy right now, it'll probably be cheaper to just wait until after Signing Day. I paid lots extra to rush the wedding dress but I can get by with just one normal one for a couple of weeks. I could get fitted for lingerie before then, probably, if you specifically object to this horrible itchy shift." She has stripped down to it again.

"I am not the one who has to wear it! It looks so uncomfortable. I suppose you can clean it with magic so it is less inconvenient to get by with one set of clothes, and I have definitely done it before - though honestly, I am capable of sewing and magic makes it quite fast, I could ask Parmida to get a spare dress and we could modify it to fit you." 

"If you and she have a free moment that'd be kind of nice! I don't mind the dress itching very much though I'll take it off now if it's all the same to you."