"I'm not sure if I do...

...asked Vanyel what you were like when you were angry and he said he'd never seen it."

Leareth chuckles despite himself. "It is impossible to be angry with Vanyel. He is so earnestly trying to do the right thing all the time. I have been rather angry with Asmodeus..." He frowns. "As a data point, Aroden was furious about my murder, and apparently quite scary, Parmida was worried that if he stormed into the pharaoh's palace in that mood it would start a war. Which implies I am capable of being angry in a frightening way." 

"He's very protective of you."

"Yes, he is."

Aroden feels protective of everyone in the entire world, of course, and especially protective of some key strategically-important people - the same kind of feeling Leareth has toward Vanyel - but it does seem like a different thing. Maybe it's just the same as how Leareth is invested in existing, how even as a young man the thought of dying forever was such a yawning gulf of horror that he built four different precautions against it - and then kept the one that survived the Mage Wars even though it was the horrible version that killed teenagers - partly because he was pretty sure he could make that tradeoff worthwhile, but also he desperately didn't want to die...

He remembers (in the dizzying way of godmemories) Abadar explaining how Aroden took three weeks to die, as a god, and nearly tore the world apart in the process, because even once he had clearly lost he couldn't help but fight against dissolution, pulling the shreds of himself back together over and over and over, until his former allies decided they had to put him down before he unwittingly killed all of his own people.

Maybe most people fight back less hard than that, against the world's attempts to crush them, and - it's not always good for the world, how frantically a Leareth's pattern wants to survive. 

(Never to give up - never to die - to return over and over - no matter the cost - no matter how long it takes -) 

(And then the Star-Eyed ripped away his immortality, because he let down his guard and helped Her people as a friend - he's so scared - but it's going to be all right, because Aroden exists here, and Khemet, and Vanyel, and with them on his side it's all right if he sometimes extends his trust and is wrong and needs to be hauled back from the river of souls - he can afford to gamble for the upside of that trust - but it's still terrifying...)

Hug. 

She has some kind of feeling about the storms and attendant famine being caused by Aroden, accidentally, but - 

- it's not a fault, to be desperate not to die. Even in her old worldview it wasn't. 

"I want to - help keep you safe - but I think I might need some time, first, trying not being quite as scared even though it's less safe - maybe the same thing you need there -"

That makes sense. Neither of them is starting from a great place, Leareth muses, in terms of emotional vulnerability feeling allowed - it's maybe inconvenient that apparently he needs that to be sexually interested in someone, apparently Carissa doesn't or she would never have wanted anyone that way ever, he hadn't realized that - 

- okay for fuck's sake why is he thinking about the concept of tying people up or being tied up in magic-free demiplanes - his thoughts now have that plus a note of apology about it - hmm, the concept of him and Carissa both being in the demiplane where only divine magic works is intriguing, it rules out his most useful capabilities - also hers, though, she has fewer cleric levels than wizard levels. Allowing only arcane magic would solidly give her the upper hand...why is he still thinking about this subject, sorry Carissa, probably normal people don't find that sexy at all...

" - it's got to be, like, the most common kink if you don't count 'lingerie'. I mean, demiplanes don't usually feature in it because most people do not have demiplanes - do you have a demiplane -"

...Huh. Maybe it's not that weird, then. "I do not have my own demiplane although I could obtain one if I asked Aroden for help. Abadar owes me a favour, though, I was badly injured helping Him fight the Star-Eyed and could have been permanently damaged from it so He feels bad - I might ask Him for an operations building in Aktun that also includes some rooms where only my magic works."

Leareth feels like this is justifiable because it's not like he only wants it for sex purposes, Aroden uses his demiplane for all sorts of reasons, like kidnapping and questioning people, or keeping private records where he's confident no one else can get through even a simple magic lock...

Giggle. "If you wanted to have a secret demiplane for kidnapping and questioning people and you wanted to also take me there for sex that would, in fact, be really hot."

"Aww, would it?" Leareth smiles. "I am glad you think that instead of finding it extremely weird and unsettling. I think I would like that. At some point. Quite possibly by the time I even have the option." 

He runs a hand lightly over her hair. "What else do you think is hot? I am - still discovering this area." 

"You're hot when you're being a little bit scary. When I got caught - if it'd been you instead of Aroden, I think it would have been - Aroden's just scary. And also really old. - I am aware you are also old but you don't look it. I like being told what to do if it doesn't feel like it's because I'm - interchangeable. I think I'd like - trying to stop you, even though I'd probably lose - or specifically because I'd probably lose - but we'd have to talk it out in advance so someone doesn't get hurt for real -"

...Okay that does sound kind of hot. “I - think I like when there is - a bit of a fight. Though, yes, we would have to talk about it first.” In hindsight Khemet should possibly have asked before casting Hold Person on Leareth, though the shock had been kind of thrilling in itself and also Khemet can basically read minds, apparently, where that sort of thing is concerned.

”...I might also enjoy there being a handicap such that you could win,” he admits. “If my magic were blocked and you had yours, that would be - well, scary, but I think in a way I could find quite satisfying. I am not sure why, but...”

"Well, if I'm into it where you win I suppose it makes sense that you would be into it where I'd win. I don't - know how I would feel about that. I could try it, though."

"...I mean, to be clear, I also like winning. Quite a lot, apparently." It's - surprisingly pleasing, discovering that Carissa gets the thing that he's feeling, here. It's still such a confusing feeling to have. 

"I think I had noticed this about you. I am not very switchy but I'm also not very experienced and I would bet I could find something in that genre that was fun."

"Mmm. I am getting the impression that at the very least you are more experienced than I am." 

...He is vaguely musing in the back of his mind on whether Khemet and Carissa teaming up could squarely beat him in a fair fight and then do whatever they liked to him - he nudges that line of thought aside. 

"Anyway, I think we could figure something out that we would both like." Squeeze. "Is there anything else you wanted to ask me about?" 

"Well now I'm all distracted. But no, I don't think there was."

"I have to confess, I am a little distracted too." He glances over at her, without letting go of her. "Was this helpful for you? I think I found it very helpful." 

"Yeah. It was nice. I'm glad we did it." Lean. 

"...Would you like to do anything else tonight?" 

"It is a very important part of Chelish dating custom to spend a while in each others' arms reading each others' minds about things that are hot and then go home alone and do math problems."

"I see. Well, I would not wish to break with dating customs, so in that case, I will look forward with great anticipation to our date tomorrow morning." He squeezes her. "Would you like a lift home? I can Gate you straight to your apartment if you share a memory of it with me, and then you will not have to carry all of your gold through the city at night." 

She can't tell if he somehow thinks she was serious about that or - well, the point of joking like that in the first place is to let him decide whether to push back. "I don't think I should keep that much gold at my apartment at all, can you hold onto it until I can go to a bank? I can send you a memory of my place..."

And she does. It's a small drafty shabby apartment with a mat on the floor and a lockbox next to it and not much else.

(Leareth was not reading her mind anymore at that point and so finds it pretty hard to tell if she's joking or not, actually, though the hypothesis did enter his mind, and when she lets him in again to get the apartment location, it's more apparent.)

"Of course, that makes sense." He doesn't immediately get up or start on a Gate, though; instead he tries to figure out how in the world to respond to her banter gracefully. "- I would not complain if you wanted to do some custom-breaking and stay a little longer, though, it would not hit me for Law, and - this is very nice." 

" - hit you for - ohhhhh, I bet Osirion does have all their customs set up like that! Here mostly doesn't. Marriage wasn't a state-sanctioned thing at all, under the old regime, just a thing couples did to tell their friends they were being serious...nobles were probably a bit more serious about it, I wasn't paying attention..."