An adventuring party recruited from Osirion teleports into Azir on the 8th of Desnus. Rahadoum's recruiting contact in Osirion wrote ahead to note they were expected. Couple of guys he's known a long time - a wizard, a ranger - and a new guy, sorcerer, probably to replace the cleric they usually travel with. They spend two days in Azir getting oriented and head out to the front. The ranger wears an unusually high quality amulet of Nondetection; the sorcerer wears a headband for intelligence, which is a bit unusual as sorcerers usually don't need it to cast, but some variants do; they are otherwise unremarkable. Chaotic Good, Lawful Neutral, no reading, which could mean neutral or 'hiding it'. They work quickly and effectively, manage resources reasonably well, get recommended to higher-ups for a closer look on that account.
"Not sure what else. If there's more horrible stuff we should know about each other I guess maybe we should -
- I reported people for disloyalty. In the military. It was my job to do Detect Thoughts on everybody and ask a standard buncha questions and report anyone who was - planning to escape, or convert, or fake their death, or whatever."
Leareth nods. Hugs her a little. "If you want an itemized list of all the horrible things I have ever done, we are going to be here for a while. Most of it is comes with having engaged in wars. Assassinated people. I accidentally nearly assassinated Vanyel, which was embarrassing - contingency-plan that was not supposed to be active but there was a miscommunication or something, even in the post-mortem I never figured out exactly what happened there. I - had various plans to weaken Valdemar's defences when my main plan involved taking them over. Employed various very dubious people as bounty hunters. Kidnapped mage-gifted children. I - created a nasty artifact that would summon demons on a person's entire family when triggered, for an unscrupulous man who wanted to take over a neighbouring kingdom, in exchange for his agreement to help with the invasion. Ended up being a rather stupid idea, for reasons I suspect a god specifically wanted me not to know. Makes my recent murder somewhat fitting, though it would have needed to happen to me a hundred times to really balance it out."
"Things don't really balance. They just get better, or they get worse.
- that was my uh, vision, when Iomedae chose me, was saying that."
"I - really wish - I had found out about Golarion before this. Ideally two thousand years ago, but - at any point between then and when would have been better, and - I could have not had to weigh my options and decide to pay so many costs."
"If one of our good gods pulled you here - when they did -
- probably it'd be because the right time was when you were friends with Vanyel and had an army. I'm sure it was a terrible time for - you having the chance to be okay personally -
- but I find it easier to live with, when I see it like that, even though I'm not sure if the plan is that clear -"
...It doesn't feel like the point is really whether he personally is okay, but Leareth doesn't feel like getting into it more right now. It - does help a little, not so much the specific words Carissa is saying as the fact that she's trying to think of something at all.
He closes his eyes and rests his head on her shoulder and decides against apologizing, again, that her goddess sent her to marry someone with such a disturbing past.
"Want to head to bed and cuddle?" he says eventually. "I am not sure how much I will be in the mood for anything else, tonight, but - I would very much like it if you stayed again."
So he takes her hand and walks to the bedroom with her. Sits down heavily on the side of the bed. He already feels kind of tired of thinking about wedding planning, and also keeps remembering things that aren't dealt with yet... "Maybe we should fit in going clothes shopping tomorrow as well so you have other non-wedding dresses to wear."
"Everybody's going to be really busy right now, it'll probably be cheaper to just wait until after Signing Day. I paid lots extra to rush the wedding dress but I can get by with just one normal one for a couple of weeks. I could get fitted for lingerie before then, probably, if you specifically object to this horrible itchy shift." She has stripped down to it again.
"I am not the one who has to wear it! It looks so uncomfortable. I suppose you can clean it with magic so it is less inconvenient to get by with one set of clothes, and I have definitely done it before - though honestly, I am capable of sewing and magic makes it quite fast, I could ask Parmida to get a spare dress and we could modify it to fit you."
"If you and she have a free moment that'd be kind of nice! I don't mind the dress itching very much though I'll take it off now if it's all the same to you."
"By all means. I am not excited about itchy snuggles either." He undresses as well and lies down on his back, staring vaguely at the ceiling.
"Usually I am better at not being bothered by things in the past that I cannot change, it rarely helps. I - suppose I am worried what you must think of me."
"I did awful things that didn't even make anything better and weren't part of any plan that ever might, just because I didn't want to die."
"And I am very glad you are not dead." Leareth isn't sure what else to say. Or why it seems vaguely like he might feel better if she were more - offended, angry, something, about all of it.
"...The past is in the past," Leareth says finally. "I think going forward, we can both - try to do better, Cheliax should have better, that is what Aroden was trying to do here. And - I am not sure, but it is almost harder to adjust to that, having done awful things in the name of fixing other things, it...makes it harder to tell. I want you–" He stops. "I am not sure how to say this, I do not want to - just give you another duty - but I want you to know you can say if you think a choice I made was horrible. I am generally not defensive about it, Vanyel has shouted at me plenty. And - I think it would be good for both of us, but maybe especially for you, to - practice expecting better. At least of ourselves, it is not fair to hold everyone in Cheliax to that standard, yet, but... Does that make sense?"
"All of the things you described sounded horrible? I'd need to know - what other ways of doing things you considered and why you picked this one and what you considered the most likely and most harmful ways it could fail, and whether you tended to be good at predicting those things, and - I think - I believe that the answers would usually be that you thought about it about as much as people can, right, and -"
"Yes. I am not perfect at making such predictions, and usually it is a prediction-in-expectation anyway, the fact that I will be wrong sometimes is taken into account. I think most people are far more willing to be wrong about choosing not to act than choosing actions that cause harm as well as benefit. I do hold a somewhat higher barrier to action than inaction, but inaction is also a choice with the consequences that it has, often unpleasant ones. I have very detailed records of nearly all my decisions and I review them afterward. I did make some stupid and probably unjustified calls in the war with Urtho, but in my defence I was not even forty and he attacked first."