"-that's what I meant, sweetheart. Sleeping in here feels like I'm hurting you. Even if you don't think it is."

"...that doesn't even make sense," she protests, tears in her eyes. "You keep doing the things that hurt me and refusing to do the things that don't!"

He pulls her in a little bit, not quite onto his lap. "I know. I'm sorry about that. It's - complicated. For this in particular... I think when you're looking back on it in five or ten years you'll think I did the right thing, even though it's upsetting you now. And I think that even if I'm wrong about that, it's still better to do this than to end up leaving you, because even if I'm wrong about what I should do, it still feels like it'd be hurting you if I did what you want, and that feeling still matters. And it matters to me, too, to be able to live as normally as I can here. I've been trying not to think about it too much but this really is pretty upsetting."

Fine, if he's going to be like that, then for the moment she just doesn't care that she's despoiling him with her filthy soul. She melts into the hug and clings.

"I was, I'm prepared for... it's okay if you need to hurt me to make things tolerable for yourself," Scyelen sniffles. "That part is, f-fine. I expected to bear it. So it's... it's okay. You don't have to try to convince me it's for my own good. You don't have to convince yourself either."

"No, sweetheart." He sighs. "Remember how I said there are people who like being cruel, and will find excuses to do that no matter what? I know you haven't met many of them, but there are people who don't want to be, too, who really do care about doing the right thing for other people. If I had to hurt you just for myself - I might do it, if it looked like leaving would hurt you worse. But it'd be important to me to find a way to stop. And this isn't that, I really do think it's best for you not to have me living in your bedroom. You deserve privacy and your own space, too. It's bad for people not to have that, especially at your age."

"It would be really bad for me if I never had any privacy but you're supposed to count as privacy," Scyelen cries, "but, I kn-know, that's not something you c-could ever give me. Even if you wanted to! Once you-" her words choke off.

Lots of hug.

"Once I what, sweetheart?"

Scyelen just shakes her head against his chest, because she can't even begin to tell him what she's really like.

He does scoop her into his lap, now, and pets her hair.

"Once I figure it out, you mean?" he asks, very gently. "The thing you think is wrong with you?"

This is more physical contact than Scyelen has had in just about ever. She soaks it up for a long moment before finally nodding.

"I already know, sweetheart. It doesn't change anything."

Scyelen goes rigid.

"W-What? Noyoudon't."

"Pretty sure." He doesn't stop petting her. "It's - a sex thing, right?"

Scyelen makes a strangled noise, because while technically true, just calling her degeneracy a 'sex thing' makes it sound almost normal.

Pet pet. "It's fine, sweetheart. It really doesn't change anything. There's nothing wrong with it. There's nothing wrong with you."

"Youdon'tknowthat," Scyelen chokes out, wanting to let his very partial guess stand, but blurting out her denial before she can stop herself.

"I'm pretty sure." Pet, pet, pet. "I know it doesn't feel that way, with everyone telling you there must be. But it's fine. You'll be okay."

He couldn't be more wrong. He really doesn't have a clue. His reassuring words couldn't be more empty.

She buries her face in his chest and sobs. Relief, that he's blind to the truth? Disappointment, that she came so close to finally baring her heart only to have to crush it back into its cage? Both of those things, at least.

He keeps holding her. "It's all right, sweetheart, take your time, I'm not going anywhere. We can talk about it when you're ready."

Lies. All lies. Empty words.

It takes her a while to stop crying.

"What, is there, to talk about?" she finally mumbles.

"What it means, what it doesn't mean. What you need and want. What I think about it, what I need and want." Squeeze. "I know that sounds scary but I think you'll like a lot of the answers. Is there anything you want to say to start?"

Scyelen doesn't have the energy left to try to navigate his twisty word-games.

"You don't even know what 'it' is."

"I probably don't know the whole thing; I know some of it. You like to be touched." He's still petting her, and doesn't stop. "You like to be seen, I think, not as much but there was something going on when I went to take you flying. The way you care what people think about you, you probably have something with that; I can't guess what, yet, exactly. You think about sex more than you think you should. And - I have an idea of the kinds of things people who like unusual sex things like, I won't be surprised if you like - being tied up, or something, even if I haven't noticed it yet. And that's fine, it still won't change anything."

Scyelen is only half-listening to his vaguery until he gets to the part about 'being tied up' and she chokes in surprise.

A chill races down her spine. That has to be a wild guess but who would ever guess that?! It's far from the worst thing to be found in the dark core of her soul, but it's definitely adjacent to most of those things! He's actually right. Scyelen has no idea what to do with that but now she's hyperventilating just a little.

He presses a kiss to the top of her head. "That one's very common, sweetheart. Among the right sort of people. Kind of mild, even, I didn't want to scare you."