"My name isn't Antonia..." She looks at him like he's crazy, taking a slow drink from her cup. Finally deciding she's had enough of his drunken antics, she gets up, dusts imagined dirt off her skirt, and strides purposefully back in to the lounge.

When Sam spots Toni leaving the kitchen, she squashes an instinct to check if Josh is all alone there. Mom Friend is off-duty tonight.

Meanwhile, Mike and Phil are debating the finer points of high school athletics. There's not much to say, really, but Mike needs to let off some steam about the idiots he has to deal with.

It's less debate, and more aggressive agreement from her end, and so much sycophantic sweetness that even a little niggling part of her brain hates everything she says. But that part can shut up, because he's paying attention to her.

"Seriously, I can't believe coach isn't pulling them up on this. Our team would be so much better if you were in charge."

"I know, right? You can lead barking dogs to water, but you can't make them swim. Guys like Aaron don't need a washed-up Division-III has-been holding the playbook, or a steamed beet calling the shots. I have real leadership potential, but I have to sit here and take his shit."

"I guess that's how all great leaders felt when they were young, it's why they became such great people, because they saw how people were doing things wrong and just wanted to make everything better. Just imagine, one day, you'll be calling all the shots."

"One day. And I'll have my First Lady at my side...beautiful, whip-smart, and always supporting me, through thick and thin."

'Oh god, is he talking about me? He is looking at me, so surely. This is really happening!'

"She sounds perfect... And very lucky."

Sensing a perfect opportunity to wreak some havoc, Toni leans over the back of the couch between them, a faux friendly smile on her face.

"Thank you, I definitely feel lucky, huh baby?"

She turns to her 'boyfriend' and kisses him firmly, with all the passion she doesn't feel.

Kissing his girlfriend in front of the girl crushing on him is pretty damn fun. Mike is happy to oblige.

"Ugh, gross, GET A ROOM!"

Mike pulls back.

"Hey babe. Why don't we find a corner?"

Phil's face drops, watching from up closed and personal how into that kiss he seems. How much he wants someone else, someone more, someone not her. Her eyes drop to her skirt, playing with her hands awkwardly.

Toni smirks triumphantly in her head, painting an eager grin on her face and grabbing him by the shirt front to drag him away.

Corner: found.

"What, pray tell, was that? It's not like you to get all possessive."

That's not the exact truth, but Mike doesn't have the patience to outline the exact truth, which is that his girlfriend doesn't want to touch him unless it'll make her look good.

She settles in to him, maintaining the look of a besotted girlfriend. 

"I'm bored, and she looks like she'd make a great game, don'tcha think? Give her just enough hope to hang herself with. Besides, maybe I'm in a good mood."

Or at least self serving enough to think he'll play along if she let's him get to fifth base.

"I was having fun," he mock-pouts. Mike was already doing something like that, unconsciously. He had been stringing Phil along because he liked the attention, right?

"What kind of game? You're the planner," he said, already thinking about the play. He would catch Phil alone, acting all clandestine. He would tell her how much he had always wanted her, how Toni was cold and distant and didn't really like him the way he had once liked her, and he'd realized that Phil was warm, bubbly, exciting...an unflattering comparison that would fluff up Phil's ego without ever sounding like a lie. All he had to do was be himself- she was already into him.

"Don't worry, I was thinking about how we could have even more. I mean, that poor, sweet, naïve girl over there? She's been stomping all over my turf lately, and benevolent queen that I am, I think she needs to learn the hard lesson of her place in the world. All you have to do is what you've been doing all night, lure her into the spider's web. Can you do that for me, Mike? As a favour? I promise I'll make it worth it."

For this, she turns on all the charm she hasn't used since the early days of their relationship, sex and seduction oozing from her pores, promising him his wildest dreams.

'Benevolent queen' earns a chuckle that he doesn't manage to suppress, but otherwise, he remains fairly silent- it's not a loud enough party to hide everything. It's a pretty compelling argument, all told- it's been a long time. This dry spell has been more like a drought; he has the libido of any red-blooded American teenage boy, and he's happy to take the bait.

"For you, anything."

They both know that's not true, but it's obviously the right thing to say.

"What's the scheme, queen?"