My cousins were until now our best hope of figuring out a way to win the war and they are completely impossible to get along with. But that you must have noticed already. Thingol wouldn't help us even if he liked us, he's too conservative. His occasional threats of war suit my cousins because they like having their enemies be so unlikeable and suit him because he gets to appear to be taken seriously.
The Silmaril oath is less manipulative than it looks; my uncle in addition to the qualities he shares with his children was also terrifically paranoid and demanded the oath of them so he could trust that they wouldn't turn from the war, and they took it because he could have ended the war two hundred years ago and they thought it'd be better to be trusted by him than not. But the Enemy, knowing that, killed him, and here we are.
The House of Fëanor has issues with authority even when they are, in every sense, authority; ruling them is herding cats in the best of times and only tractable at all if they believe their brother to be secretly running things; everyone else will barely tolerate being in an alliance with them, despite the fact that every major technical advance of Elven history has been Fëanor's or that of his children and grandchildren. So everyone who needs to believe that Maedhros rules the Noldor believes that, and everyone who needs to believe that I am entertaining Maedhros in the belief that he has any role in the strategic decisions of the Noldor believes that. You'll forgive me for not clarifying the truth of the matter; I can't promise I'd be honest.