Whatever. Theo adjusts his shiny new book under one arm and heads in a different direction.
He's probably not going to actually talk to a priest about it. They do religion differently up here, and he doesn't really believe in the Grail Church or the Reformed Trigrams or the Ten Shapers or the One Level or even Universal Love's creed.
He's going to keep thinking of them for the rest of his life. Ben, his asshole of a brother. Who was still his brother, and would have helped him if he needed it. Jane, a bit vain but his mother, who loved him. Samuel, his dad. Who wanted Theo to become a bureaucrat instead of a wizard, but found him wizard books anyway. Viera. His... Love? He doesn't know. His friend, certainly. She studied with him. Listened to him ramble about spell structure. Encouraged him to experiment. Was learning more, herself, bright and happy at the notion of speaking magic into the world.
Mom would have had fashion advice. Gone. Ben would have given a slightly backhanded compliment at the new look, that wasn't meant as a backhand, he's just like that. Gone. Viera would ha
He shudders. He doesn't really want to go get sermon'd at. But priests have skills for... Therapy, more or less. Moral guidance. And they'd be so cheerfully smug about soothing the pain of a repentant evildoer and tugging him back onto the ""right path"". Ugh. Even though that's exactly what he wants, intellectually, it feels gross and wrong to hope to be gaslit into caring about things properly again. Why the fuck should he. What's the point of doing anything, except that Ameron will kill him if he goes off the deep end again, which is at least better than something inside him snapping and going on a grave-digging spree that kills more people and desecrates more bodies and traditions-
-He can talk to them about grief, anyway. That's. A thing that lots of people do, probably. And if he admits he regrets sins without specifying what, exactly, those are- Well. Maybe.
He arrives at the temple, and goes in. He doesn't come back out for a couple of hours. But he's back at the inn at sunset.