Once again, Vanyel, who apparently has a lot of accumulated exhaustion, falls asleep within about a minute of Tylendel snuggling him and Lucy singing.

:Your boyfriend is adorable.:

Tylendel smirks. :Isn't he? I just want to look at him all night instead of sleeping: He strokes Vanyel's hair. :...It's weird, I keep thinking about how much I missed him and how scared I was and how I never want to let go. But I only thought I'd lost him for a couple of candlemarks, and there was - still hope, the whole time, I knew he was alive. He had to deal with a lot worse: 

:I don't think that's weird at all. Fear and pain don't work that way. Yeah, he had it worse than you, and yeah, that makes him the priority for being taken care of. But that doesn't make what you suffered not real or important.:

Tylendel chews on that for a while. 

:You're so kind: he sends finally. :You're so...good. How did you get that way?:

:For the first eighteen years of my life, I had to hide from most of the world. I couldn't interact with anyone but my family. But--the corollary of that is that everyone I interacted with was someone who loved me and wanted me to be okay, because I had a good family. So I guess loving people and wanting them to be okay is just how I learned to be.:

Tylendel looks intently at her. 

:I'm going to be a Herald: he sends. :Gods, Van is too, that's still such a weird thought: He's momentarily distracted by looking down at his boyfriend and petting him. :But, anyway. I...need to learn to be good. And - I wasn't good enough. It's not just what I did - at the end. Before that...: He pauses, biting his lip.

:Insofar as I have a secret to how I do it it's just want everyone to be okay. Even the people who've hurt you, even the people who are objectively really awful. They're still people, they still experience suffering, and suffering is bad. Like, I don't have any plans to resurrect the mage who kidnapped Vanyel any time soon, but that's not because I want him dead, it's because he'll hurt other people. Even if he doesn't do anything else him being alive would probably make Van unhappy and I do, you know, prioritize the people I love. But, you know, someday, when we can make sure he doesn't hurt anyone and Van's healed from all the everything, probably a few hundred years from now or something, I want even him to get to be okay.:

Tylendel is staring at her like she's some sort of weird alien. 

:...Gala thinks that's a problem I have: he sends, a long time later. :That I can't do that. Want the - people who hurt me or my people - to be okay. I just can't. I–: he turns away, ashamed, :I don't - actually want you to - but I sort of wish you could bring Krebain back. So I could kill him again. Properly. Make it hurt enough: 

He ducks his head, ashamed. :Heralds aren't supposed to feel that way: 

:Wilbur wants stuff like that all the time. He was human-passing enough that he got to go out and experience a small town's opinion of how weird our family was. He fantasizes about going back and burning the whole place down on the regular. It's not a problem 'cause he doesn't do stuff like that no matter how badly he wants to. Just wanting doesn't hurt anything.:

:...I would've done it: Tylendel sends. :If Lancir hadn't stopped me: a slow, shuddering breath, and he reinforces his shields before anything can leak out and upset Van. :...After Staven died, I couldn't think about anything but revenge. I - had a plan, it was an awful plan, it would've gotten me killed, worse, it would've gotten Van killed, and if not Gala would've repudiated me for sure...: 

He shakes his head. :She wasn't even mad, she said I - wasn't myself - but if I'd done it, for real, I don't think that would've mattered. And...I don't think anyone could've stopped me, if Lancir hadn't gone in my head and–: his breath catches, :I don't know what he did, it was awful, but - better than the alternative, I guess: 

:...Wow, okay, I have pretty mixed feelings about that. Like, on the one hand, the idea of having someone go in your head and make you not do things is fucking terrifying, but on the other hand it is in fact really good that you did not do the thing. Well, um--if there's anything like that in the future...think about how badly it would have gone if you did that. You don't have to not hate people, you just have to love Gala and Van more.:

Tylendel grits his teeth, scowls, but eventually nods. :I think you're right. But - gods - Lucy, I was in my brother's head when he died? We had a bond, we'd had it since we were little, I...sort of didn't tell Savil or Gala the whole thing. That we could share senses if we tried, no matter how far apart we were, it went that deep. And - in that last moment he was begging me to avenge him: 

Vanye's breath catches, and Tylendel tightens his shields again. :And I didn't. I know it was wrong, it wouldn't've been worth it, but, gods, it feels like I failed him: His face crumples, tears leaking between closed eyelids. :I miss him so much: 

She's silent for a moment. 

:That makes sense. But. I'm going to get him back. Being alive is better than being avenged. And I'm not going to bring back Krebain or Evan Leshara. Not anytime soon, at least. And--if I have to for some reason, like I'm not sure whose remains are where and I have to risk bringing back one of them in order to resurrect someone innocent, then--they're not supposed to be alive right now anyways, I don't think I could let you torture them to death but if you wanted to, like, yell at them for a while and then break their neck, that would be fair.:

Tylendel lets out a startled giggle. :Really? You - wouldn't think I was a monster, for wanting that?:

:Of course not! They tortured your brother to death, they kidnapped your boyfriend, they were going to kill you, they can't really complain if a little death is thrown their way.:

Tylendel giggles again, though there's an edge of restrained-tears in it. 

:...I'm glad you're our friend. I should probably try to get some sleep: And he manages to wriggle himself flat under the covers without waking Vanyel. Who seems to sleep a lot more deeply if Tylendel is nearby. 

:I'm glad too. I'm really glad you're alive, and not just for Vanyel's sake. It would have been a separate tragedy if I'd never gotten to meet you. Sleep well.:

And he does!

Good. 

...They turned in early, Savil should still be awake. 

:Savil?:

:Yes, what is it?: 

:Can I talk to Lancir tomorrow about what's needed in order to resurrect Staven sooner rather than later?:

Startled pause. :Yes, of course - he's been prodding me about swinging by here again, actually, if you wanted to meet with him then. Er, did you just...have a conversation with 'Lendel...?: 

:Yeah. I mean, and also I don't really like thinking about Wilbur being dead, but yeah.:

:I'm impressed he was able to speak about it. Seems like a good sign. He - couldn't really, before; I mean, maybe he did with Van, certainly not with me: