Oh no they're so good.

Vanyel ducks his head. "So - you were dead. The Gate was still tied to me, draining me. I passed out. Until - Mardic came through, tried to take the Gate down, backlashed it - through me. I don't really remember, but I - must've gotten up, I remember - finding the river." He closes his eyes, leans against Tylendel. "I remember thinking that - you'd wanted me to live - so badly - enough to hold the Gate for me - but that I couldn't do it. So I jumped. I'm...sorry..." 

Tylendel's face goes whiter and whiter; it's clearly agonizing for him to hear; but, at the end, he turns and wraps his arms around Vanyel. "Don't be, ashke. I understand. And, I should've stayed for you, but - I didn't. And Yfandes hadn't Chosen you yet, you had no one..." He gulps. "But...I'm really glad she fished you out. Though I bet you weren't at the time." 

Lucy...does not mention that she could've brought Van back, too. For one thing, finding his bones at the bottom of the river would be hard, for another, she probably wouldn't have understood the Vanyel-and-Tylendel situation to be as important as she now knows it to be; for a third, she might be wandering the Pelagirs still if Savil hadn't had cause to bring Vanyel to k'Treva. It wouldn't have been an unrecoverable disaster if Van had succeeded in committing suicide, but this way is still much much better. 

Tylendel's comment gets a weak chuckle from Vanyel. "I was extremely not glad about it at the time. Everyone insisted on putting in so much effort to keep me alive and I was miserable. I was in agony from how my Gifts got ripped open – and I couldn't stop doing magic by accident, even though it hurt me, they had me in Savil's Work Room and were giving me argonel because it was the only thing strong enough to help."

He's crying a bit now, but not too much to speak. "So those bits are really hazy for me. I said some mean things to Mardic and threw him into a wall and he still forgave me. And I, um, I sort of, tried to kill myself again. Apparently. I don't remember it at all - I just remember waking up and Lissa slapping me in the face about it. And Lancir talking to me. About - minds being like houses - and you'd exploded mine - but he wanted me to try to rebuild. And...I did try. I tried so hard. And I still don't think - I would ever have been all right - if you hadn't come back."

Tylendel squeezes Vanyel tightly, but he lets out an involuntary whimper, and his shields slip and leak distress and guilt and shame. 

And, inevitably, Vanyel bursts into tears. 

Lucy stops purring and sits up and hugs them both. 

Vanyel manages to get himself calmed down first. He shifts his position in Tylendel's arms enough to look him in the eye. "That's...not everything, but, I don't think I can talk about this any more right now." His voice cracks. "Can you just, hold me, for a while?" 

Vanyel is being responsible and not pushing himself too much at once and Lucy approves so much. She is still not singing any love songs around them but gosh people she loves being good to themselves is so good.

The rest of the day...is pretty uneventful, actually. Mardic and Donni, maybe picking up on hints – well, more likely Mardic doing so rather than Donni – are gone until after lunch, though it surely doesn't take that long to retrieve their belongings. They spend the afternoon setting up their new, well, old room again. Van and 'Lendel cuddle and talk about inconsequential matters and play some local dice-game with Savil that Lucy absolutely cannot follow the rules of.

They all sit down together for supper (well, Wilbur is invited but only if he wants to come.) 

Meeting Mardic and Donni went amazingly well so yes Wilbur will show up for dinner. 

After Vanyel serves himself, Tylendel goes back to add more food to his plate. He catches Lucy's eye and makes a long-suffering face. 

:Was he like this before, too? I was hoping it was just a trauma thing.:

:I think he's often not hungry when he's stressed or upset about anything? I remember him always picking at his food when he first came to Haven, and then he was better once we were together and things were really good and he was getting more relaxed in general: He frowns. :Then worse again after - Staven - when things were tense, I think, I was...pretty distracted. But, um, he must've been stressed and upset an awful lot when I wasn't there: 

And now Tylendel is looking sad again and Vanyel is glancing over, trying to figure out what's wrong. 

:Well, I'm really glad you take it seriously. Food is important.:

The praise seems to cheer him up, and Tylendel spends the rest of the meal gently poking Vanyel to eat more without being obvious about it.

:I think it might get better with time?: he sends to Lucy at one point. :He's still kind of tense right now: 

:Yeah. He's not--completely secure in the fact that you're back--but he'll get there.:

They finish eating and move back to the sofa and armchairs. Vanyel sits down at Tylendel's feet and puts his head down on his knee. 

Tylendel barely manages not to start crying again. He looks around; Savil is busy gossiping with Donni about her recent internship circuit with Mardic; and then Mindtouches Lucy again.

:Oh gods, he does– used to do this, all the time. Usually when he's tired, or nervous about something, and– Oh. Um, do you figure that means I should ask if he wants to go to bed? He might not say anything: 

:Seems like a good plan. I've--mostly been trying to manage local symptoms, like not eating enough, and--well, I figured there wasn't much room to get better until you were back, and you were going to be, so...:

Damn it, now he's thinking about how miserable Van was all the time he was gone, and it's a massive effort to keep all of that inside his shields. :...Maybe I'm ready for bed too: he admits. "Van, ke'chara, do you want to mosey to bed now?"

Vanyel is, in fact, yawning when he stands up. "Sure, sounds good." He hugs Savil goodnight, waves to Wilbur, and then casts a hopeful look at Lucy.

"Donni, is the fact that Van and 'Lendel don't like girls going to stop you from making inappropriate jokes when I follow them into their room to sing." 

"I mean, probably not, because I'm me, but if it helps you should do it anyway." 

Lucy cheerfully flips Donni off as she follows the boys.