:People do terrible things, in extremis. You chose, but you regretted it the instant you came back. You wanted to have been stopped. I wish I had showed up earlier, I wish I had been able to forestall the whole thing, but making one wrong choice, even a big one, doesn't make you unworthy of love.:

He wants that to be true. 

...And, then again, does it even matter what he wants? Vanyel didn't deserve any of this to happen and Lucy brought him back because she wanted to fix it and...she's right, he needs to fix it, he needs to do whatever it takes to make things right for Vanyel whether or not he, Tylendel, deserves to be loved. 

He hugs Vanyel. He can probably do that much without messing it up. 

:And...I haven't exactly known you for very long, but apart from the self-recriminations, I do like you so far.:

Tylendel is so unsure how to react to that. :I...like you too, you seem...good: He really can't manage any more content than that.

Vanyel sniffles, lifts his head from Tylendel's chest. "Lucy, could you sing some more?" It's actually really hard, getting himself calmed down, when he's an Empath now and so is Tylendel and they're both upset. 

"Yeah okay." What to sing though...she is not singing "Loch Lomon" or "Ain't Misbehavin'" or anything with love themes at all to these maudlin gay Heralds right now because she doesn't super trust them not to start crying again, not that crying isn't a productive thing to do with feelings but she feels like maybe she shouldn't knowingly prompt it with singing right now. 

She ends up going with the lullaby. And you know what Mindspeaking a translation probably works better than stopping every line. 

"Sleep now, my dear one, the world does not know

Just who you are or just how you will grow 

The world's full of wonders, and you are their gem

And you'll reach far higher than any of them

I know things are hard now, but go you to sleep

The morning comes nigh and our problems will keep

Sleep now, my dear one, this time is for rest 

So cuddle up cozy and safe in your nest"

It's only late afternoon, but it's been a long day and a long week and a lot of emotions and he hasn't been sleeping well, honestly it's been eight months of constant struggle, and he's so tired, and Tylendel is stroking his hair, he's missed that so much. Vanyel finds himself dozing off with his head in Tylendel's lap by the fourth line, and he sort of half reaches out with a Mindtouch, :ashke: and then he's drifting into sleep. 

Tylendel holds very still, though he keeps petting Vanyel's hair. :Lucy, what - how do I – he's so...: He doesn't even know what question he's asking. 

:Keep hugging him. I can't imagine the petting is a bad idea, petting rarely is, but I don't think you have to keep it up the whole time he's asleep, your hand'll get tired. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't wake up until morning, and you should probably sleep at some point during that interim.: 

Tylendel is, in fact, exhausted. The last thing he remembers before waking up naked in a stone room involved a late-night chase through a forest, not to mention the fighting part. However, he's experiencing way too many emotions to fall asleep, he isn't even sure what they are, just that his head is too full and he feels like he might explode if he doesn't find - something...

:Can you stay?: he sends, pleading. :I, just, I'm scared that I don't know what to do. To help, to do right by him. He's so sad. How do I...: He doesn't even know if 'fix it' is the right phrase, but, something. :You were there: he finishes. 

:Yeah, I'll stay. It's--it's going to get better from here. He missed you a lot. ...Relationships take work, and communication. Communicate. But maybe not when what he desperately wants is snuggles, there's a time and a place.:

:How do I tell? When it's the time and place for what?: Tylendel dares to move enough to rake a hand through his hair. :I - I had no idea what I was doing before, but - it was fine, everything was good, it was - enough that we were in love, I guess? But now it's not and I... I don't know how to do any of this: 

This is honestly kind of terrifying, she's only like two years older than him and it's not like she's ever been in a romantic relationship. 

But she's also the least traumatized person in the room, and she does have the example of Teacher's relationship with his wife to work from, as well as Grandfather's old stories about his marriage to Grandmother, so she's going to give it a shot. 

:It's hard, there's no way around it. But if he just wants to cuddle then cuddle him and if he wants to talk don't try to change the subject.:

Tylendel nods; this seems to reassure him a little. He looks down at Vanyel, strokes his hair some more. 

:He's gotten some white hairs: he sends finally, wonderingly. :Those weren't there before: It's just a tiny smattering of them, around Vanyel's temples. :Gala says it's from using node-energy: His eyes widen a bit. :...Makes it feel real. That I was gone. It doesn't feel like there was...any time in between. But of course it wouldn't, for me, I was dead. Van was the one who had to keep living: He seems to be thinking in Mindspeech more than talking to Lucy. 

After a few beats of silence, though, he lifts his head. :He's going to be really mad at me. Later. Isn't he?: 

:Probably.:

Tylendel is making a lot of faces, trying to push out some thought. :...I don't know what that's like: he tried finally. :I don't - think - he was ever angry with me, before?: And then the tears come, but he manages to cry without making any noise or waking Vanyel. :We didn't have long enough. It felt like so much time, but...a few months. He's gone three times that long with me...gone:

:That really really sucks,: she replies, tears gathering in the corners of her eyes. :It's really hard for me to imagine being in your position.:

Tylendel still seems to desperately want, need, someone nearby to point his Mindspeech at, even if it's not that clear he's listening to her answers. :He was so scared. When he came to Haven. That nobody cared, that everyone would hurt him if he let any weakness slip. And then we were, er, together, and he was just starting to be less scared – all it took was a few people being kind to him, and he was, I could see him starting to grow into someone who wasn't always trying to hide and be small, and it was so good, I was so proud and happy and–:

He turns away to face the wall. :And then I betrayed him. I hurt him worse than anyone else in the world could have: His mindvoice falters, comes back; he's leaking distress in the overtones now. :Lucy, how bad was it? Tell me straight, please. How badly did I - break him?: 

:...Right after you died he threw himself in a river and they only fished him out in time to save him because that's when Yfandes got the Call. And, um, the reason he has Gifts now is that...that Gate you did...ended up attached to him after you died and when it came down it blew open all his potential Gift-paths. That's why he was in the Pelagirs when I landed there, the Tayledras have healers who could mend his channels and Savil has friends there.:

...Well, he did ask for it. :Oh no. That must've...hurt a lot. The Gifts part: His mind flinches away from even imagining it, he thought he'd prepared himself for the worst and it's still somehow worse than he thought and now Vanyel is stirring restlessly in his sleep because Tylendel can't manage to keep his own stupid feelings inside his stupid shields. 

Lucy's attention is immediately diverted to Van and she starts softly singing the lullaby again. 

Vanyel calms down without waking fully.

And Tylendel has a moment to catch his breath and calm down. He should sleep. His entire body hurts with fatigue, his eyes are scratchy and burning - maybe that's all the crying actually - but he can't imagine falling asleep. :Lucy, I feel so awful. Wanna sleep but...can't stop thinking about how it's my fault: 

Probably she's going to tell him that's stupid, but somehow in that way where it doesn't feel like she thinks he's stupid. 

:I can keep singing lullabies if you think it'll help. I don't have much else to offer in terms of sleep aid unless you think snuggly tentacle cuddles are likely to help, unfortunately.:

:Er, thanks for the offer but I'll pass. The singing is nice: Tylendel can get himself lying down, at least, and both of them under the blankets, moving carefully so as not to wake Van and petting him more whenever he stirs at all. They're both fully clothed and it's not even dark outside yet but whatever. 

 ...Actually, once he's horizontal and cozy and has a nice warm armful of sleeping Vanyel, he's going to have a lot less trouble falling asleep than he thought.