"So he picked up another sub just for the night," Jackson says, "and that's fine, it's only, it was a girl, and he wanted me to um, and I asked if I could have a condom because it was a girl and he told me not to stall and um."

"...and um?" She keeps her voice level, but there's a horrible feeling at the pit of her stomach.

"No, no, it's not that bad," he assures her, "then, um, I burst into tears and she left. And he was mad."

"Oh. Why did you burst into tears?"

"I didn't do it on purpose!"

"I didn't say you did, but I still would like to know why."

"I was upset, I guess? Anyway she left." Shiver.

"What did your dom do?"

"He was mad that I'd just started crying and scared her off and he punished me."

She runs a hand through her hair and sighs. "Oh, Jackson..."

He takes a sip of his hot chocolate. He spills a little more of it on his hand but it's not hot enough to burn anymore. He napkins it off.

"Jackson..." she starts carefully. "Are you sure... you want to stay with him?"

"What else would I do and don't say go to therapy that's not a replacement," Jackson mutters.

"Well, you'd not be abused by this guy, is what you'd do."

"That's not even better I wasn't actually happier alone!"

"But you weren't suffering so much. Guy uses stuff on you you don't like, basically tells you to fuck a girl without a condom, you're repressing enough upset that you're crying—Jackson, this isn't good for you. And yes therapy, even if in the short term it doesn't help, in the long term it will, and you'll find a dom that actually loves you."

"No I fucking won't," mutters Jackson. "This is what I can get."

"Why do you believe that without at least trying? Why can't you do the therapy thing and stay with him, then, if you want that so much? Then you can see for yourself. Because Jackson, this isn't you happy, that's not what happy looks like!"

"So maybe I don't get to be happy for more than half an hour in a row, maybe that's just my life. Not everybody can just show up and be the new kid in school and land the hottest dom in school and get hand-fed breakfast and called 'pet'. I'm lucky anybody would look at me twice let alone collar me."

"You keep saying that, but you can't know that's true, not when that's exactly the kind of thing having clinical depression would look like. The simplest explanation that fits the fact is the most likely to be true."

"That sounds really logical but you want me to take a lot on faith," Jackson mutters.

"I can throw books at you, if you like, talking about how depression works. I don't need you to take it on faith, like I said, you could go to therapy and stay with him so that if one thing fails you still have the other. It doesn't have to be either-or, and you could collect the evidence yourself."

"Therapists can break confidentiality if they think they have a good reason."

"If they think you're likely to present a danger to yourself or others."

"I think they'd freak out about Master too."