"—sorry. I'll try harder."

He sighs. "It's fine. It's just—I want more time. Much, much more time. I want hundreds upon hundreds of weeks, not just twelve more of them."

"Relatable. And achievable! You're a spellcaster!"

"Yeah, I know. I'll just need to figure out how to get my hands on some magic immortality potions and hope nothing gets me in the meantime."

"And if it does you can always use a familiar."

Oh boy a new thing to learn.

"What is a familiar, Zachary."

Zachary casts a spell that causes an adorable tiny snub-nosed white-furred piglike creature with bat wings and ears made of leaves. "This is my familiar. I call him Leafy."

...cute.

"How does Leafy help you avoid dying an untimely death?"

"Familiars protect you from dying! If you'd die when you have an active familiar the familiar takes the hit and you don't die. They don't die either! They just need a bit to recover."

"Okay, I did not know that, how do I acquire a familiar."

"You can buy 'em at the Realm of Magic."

"Alright. Cool. Good to know. Thank you, Zach."

"No prob!"

"Okay, the other thing that's bugging me is something you and Eric said. You said you've known Alexei since you were both little, but he is much older than you, so that can't be true, and that's making me think he might've groomed and brainwashed you or something."

"—what? No! He'd never do that!"

"Then explain to me how it can be simultaneously true that he is your great-grandfather and that you've known him since he was little, that is to say before you were born."

"Oh we didn't meet in this life! We met in my past life."

"Okay you know what that makes things make a lot more sense."

"I don't remember a lot of it! But we were married back then, too."

"Setting aside the absolutely mind-blowing news that it is apparently possible to reincarnate, does that mean you're, like, James Yahontov? Or Kiyoshi Yahontov?" Those were the names of Alexei's husbands according to Simpedia.

"—James! Yes! That was my name back then! Did we know each other? I don't recognize you."

"...no, Zach, I'm pretty sure I did not know you in your past life."

"Wait does that mean you're your own great-grandfather?"

"Huh, I guess it does. I hadn't thought about it."

Yeah no shit bro.

"I'm starting to feel that I'm not the protagonist of this story. Which feels kind of a way when I'm also the only self-aware person around."