“O....kay.........”

aaaaaaaaa martin has a skeptical face this is not making things easier just spit it out and then at least you'll know

"--I was born a girl."

“Oh. That’s it? —I mean, sorry, I know that it’s probably important and everything, just—these past few weeks have really recalibrated me on major news, so, as long as you’re not also, like, infested with worms or something... That’s fine?”

"Well. I didn't want to be all like 'surprise vagina.' --I mean, I know they're really gross, I'm also gay, I'm not expecting you to like. Touch it. Or anything. And it's fine if you want me to leave my pants on or have sex with the lights off or something, like I get it, they're disgusting--"

“...I mean, it’s fine? If you don’t want me to, that’s, like—also fine? But it’s not, like, a random vagina or whatever, it’s... yours? And I want to make you happy and I also happen to think that you’re, like, really hot, and I don’t think that my opinion on that is going to change unless you’ve got something significantly weirder than a vagina down there!”

".......no, just a somewhat weirder than average vagina."

“...I am fine with weird as long as it isn’t—you know. Weird weird. If your vagina is, like, actually for real magic, I might have some questions.”

"Uh, no. Just. Testosterone changes things. --I mean, I guess you wouldn't have anything to compare it to really. Less blood at random times, more blood during sex. Bigger, um."

(God, he hates thinking about the existence of the thing down there.)

“...What kind of sex do you, uh, like? I—can’t promise I’ll be good at it but I can try? ...Ohhhhh this is what the, uh, scars are from, isn’t it.”

"Yeah. The scars. And the medicine I have to take once every two weeks. And why I'm so short, and there are normal guys whose voice sounds like this but it's more common among trans guys. And." He lifts up his hands. "Small hands."

Martin squints at the hands. “They look like pretty normal hands to me?”

Lev puts his palm up against Martin's; his hands are noticeably smaller, although it might just be that he's kind of a short person in general. 

"Not... a lot of tipoffs anymore. You're-- kind of the only person I've ever told who isn't a doctor."

Martin is going to seize this opportunity to hold Lev’s hand, bring it to his lips, and kiss it. “I love you, Lev. That’s not going to change.”

Lev is half-melting into his lap now. "Probably should have told you. Before."

“Probably? It makes sense that you were nervous though. And it worked out okay.” Forehead kiss. 

"...didn't want to you to call me a girl. Or tell people, or get mad at me for leading you on and lying. Or stop liking me." He pushes his head into Martin's hand.

“You could have just... asked me not to? I guess not if I stopped liking you?”

"...well you could start thinking of me as a girl and I couldn't ask you to stop because you can't control what you think but it would be really awful and make me want to die all the time. And people do that if they know. People still call me 'she' sometimes at the doctor's office. And if Tim or Sasha knew it would be. Bad."

“...why? I mean—not that I would tell anyone, but, Tim probably is better about this sort of thing than I am, honestly, and I don’t know Sasha as well but I’d be really surprised if she were bad about it, to be honest. I don’t think either of them would see you as a girl. I mean... I’ve seen you shirtless and I’ve seen you shaving, like, if you really wanted me to see you as a girl I could probably work on flipping it but I just... don’t? And you don’t want me to, so that works out? Your doctor’s office must be weird.”

"Well, I'm getting a Pap smear so I must be a woman, only women get Pap smears. I think is the logic. --I don't want people to know."

“I won’t tell anyone. Promise.” ...Kiss?

Mmmm kisses.

"I like. Being told what to do. And making people happy, and then getting told that I'm good and I did a good job and you're happy with me. I can like... most things. If you tell me I did well afterward."

“Well, you’re very good at making me happy, so that’ll be easy.” Kiss! “‘Most things’ isn’t exactly the most specific thing to be going on, though, and I really don’t want this to be a repeat of our first kiss, where I think something is fine and then you’re crying?”

"Crying can be fun."

"But yeah I'm... bad at this? Because I-- haven't really-- except with Asher and we, uh, discovered things together so it was. Different. I think it is going to be better because I didn't, like, just take a statement about someone's dead fiance."