The work is... organizing things, mostly. He’s been instructed by his boss, Elias Bouchard, to organize the written statements that have been given through the years; it’s a mess, papers not sorted by any system he can figure out, though the numbers are at least semi-sensical. He has three assistants: Tim, Sasha, and Martin. They’ve been working at the Magnus Institute for longer, but he’s more qualified than them.

He’s also supposed to digitize the Archive: scans, transcripts, audio recordings. It’s a daunting task even before he reaches the first paper that refuses to be digitized. 

It’s from 2011, and it’s notably short. 

It’ll get you too. You can stare all you want, make your notes and your inquiries, but all your beholding will come to nothing. When the time arrives, and all is darkness and butchery, you’ll wish you had stopped listening and run.

It doesn’t matter how he tries to save it to the computer, it just doesn’t work. Saving anything else still works normally. 

Why did they hire a psychologist for this. 

He asks....... Sasha, because for some reason he can't quite understand he has a warm and fuzzy feeling about the name 'Sasha.'

"When I copy this paper to the computer, it doesn't save. All the other files save normally. Do you have any idea what is going on?"

“Give it here?” Sasha tries some things, frowns, tries again. After a while of this (“I’m basically IT for the whole institute,” she jokes) she pulls out her phone, tries speaking it into a recording app. Nothing. Her own laptop gives the same result. 

“...No. I don’t. I’m going to ask Elias what to do with this. You can keep digitizing the other statements while I do that, I guess?”

..........well that's incredibly weird.

He returns to digitizing the other statements. He tries to spend his time wondering why they hired a psychologist for this job instead of a librarian, but instead he can't stop wondering how they would make a statement that couldn't be recorded. Maybe there was a program that noticed that sequence of words and shut them down...? And somehow it was on all their computers? Some sort of bizarre virus?

He spends his lunch break reading about programming and trying to figure out if that is possible. Mostly he learns that regular expressions are confusing.

He finds another statement that won’t save either, after a while. It’s longer, and it’s from a man—Nathan Watts—who claims to have encountered a strange figure floating slightly off the ground that asked him for a cigarette without moving its mouth. Nathan ran. 

This is absolutely bizarre.

...can he summarize what happens in the statement if he puts it in different words.

Nope.

WHAT.

...he sits down and spends an hour and a half devising a code in which particular words of English represent different other words, and then attempts to transcribe the statement in his code.

Nope!

...................he is at an institute for the study of the paranormal and really should not be this surprised at the existence of the paranormal. 

Can he write a note in the documentation that says "some statements were unable to be digitized, please see this folder"?

Yeah, he can do that.

He does that, labels a folder "statements that cannot be digitized", and puts it in an unused drawer of a filing cabinet.

Then he goes to find Elias.

Elias is in his office. “Hello, Lev.”

"...I think there should probably be some sort of training for new archivists about what we know about the paranormal."

“Of course. I’m terribly sorry that we couldn’t get something ready for you before you came in—our previous Archivist died at her desk. In the line of duty, you could say. —She was quite old, we should really have been preparing for this eventuality. I do apologize. Do you have any suggestions?”

"...well, it's hard to suggest things, because I did not actually know the paranormal existed until a few hours ago. I am assuming that there exist paranormal things other than statements which cannot be digitized because that would be a really weird thing to have as the only paranormal thing. But I would really have appreciated knowing that you're looking at things that are somewhat more real than unicorns and the Loch Ness Monster. --Guess I shouldn't assume either of those are fake."

“Of course. Most of our employees start out in Research or Artefact Storage, where they have information prepared on the sorts of things you are likely to encounter—you can ask Sasha if you would like an overview of the things we contain in Artefact Storage, she worked there before being transferred to Research.” He smiles. “As far as I know, there is no truth to stories of either unicorns or the Loch Ness Monster. I believe that Gertrude, our previous Archivist, was able to use tape recorders to make copies of the... problem statements. Perhaps you could try that.”

"...presumably you tell the people in Artefact Storage what kinds of paranormal things there are and do not just surprise them with the existence of magic? I think I'd want to read whatever you use to train them."

“We don’t have a solid understanding yet of what kind of paranormal things exist; much of the goal of the Institute is to find an answer to that question. But yes, you can read our training material for employees going into work at Artefact Storage. Though I should reassure you first that anything you’ll be finding in the Archives will be much safer.”

He passes over a file; it is partly occupied with “yes, this is real, here are some minimally-dangerous artefacts you can use to check” and partly with extensive safety instructions. There’s heavy emphasis on not touching any books previously owned by Jurgen Leitner unless specifically instructed to do so as part of a controlled experiment. 

"...how do we know it's much safer?"

Lev is suspicious if there are books you're not allowed to touch. 

“All the statements are statements of supernatural experiences, written by people off the street who seem externally normal, and most have been here in the Institute being handled for several decades now. None of the artefacts have a confirmed maker, though there are of course various theories, and if they were being handled for multiple decades it would be immediately quite obvious. Really, Lev, you have nothing to worry about.”

Lev has an intense feeling of someone watching him. (If he thinks about it, he’ll notice that he’s had this feeling since he stepped into the Institute, but less intensely than he does now.)

...Yeah okay that's creepy. 

"...can I take some time off work to read this binder and think about it?" he says.

“Of course. Take your time.”

He pauses and notes how watched he feels, then leaves the room and notices how watched he feels, then leaves the Magnus Archives and notices how watched he feels.

It decreases some when he leaves the room, but not much. It disappears as soon as he leaves.

All right, and what happens when he walks back into the Archive?

Not quite as strong as before, but still distinctly there!

oooooooooookay this is completely terrifying. 

He is going to go back to his studio now and compulsively keep an eye open for anything weird or paranormal. 

If there’s anything weird, he doesn’t notice it. 

Okay, so. On one hand, he wants to keep a notebook of his observations. On the other hand, he doesn't trust anything written down. 

Is there a list of known artefacts in the binder?

Not in any completeness, no. There are descriptions of a couple artefacts (a rusted chair that results in several days of hallucinations if you sleep in it, an empty journal that erases any memory of the things you write in it) and mentions of ones that exist that there is no information on (an old calliope organ, a broken mirror) but they’re scattered throughout the binder as offhand notes.

He... wants to keep records. He does not want to write anything down on paper. He does not want to go back to the Archives today.

He opens a Google Doc and types out:

TO DO:

1. Check for electronics in the Archives. Determine probable safety of note-taking method.

Then he describes as completely as he can his experiments on the statements and his sensation of being watched. 

How can he check whether something changed his notes? Something could alter his notes but they could also control his mind. He adds under TO DO:

2. Attempt to figure out method to determine whether notes have been altered.

and then reads all his notes into his phone to be on the safe side.

Does anything paranormal happen during this process?

Nope.

SPECULATIONS BEFORE READING TRAINING GUIDE:

I don't trust printed material. You're not supposed to touch books named after someone called Jurgen Leiter. We're supposed to digitize the Archive, even things that won't digitize normally, instead of filing them so they can be referenced. I'm not a librarian but this is weird. 

I feel watched, particularly by Elias. Suspect that perhaps the quantity of printed paranormal-related material in the Archives is dangerous. Suspect possession (?) of Elias. 

I don't trust my fellow employees. I expect all of them may be possessed.  

Why did they hire a psychologist instead of a librarian??????? This may be important. 

He rereads the "I feel watched" sentence, googles the symptoms of carbon monoxide poisoning, and then adds to the to do list:

3. Purchase carbon monoxide detector and test the Archives. 

After some thought he adds:

4. Invite all coworkers to lunch away from the Archives. Note strange feelings if any.
5. Purchase introduction to library science textbook. Take notes of anything particularly surprising or that I would not have done. 

Then he opens the training manual. 

Safety instructions! Lots and lots of safety instructions. Painfully basic safety instructions. Some of it is mundane (no lifting more than 50 lbs on your own) but a lot of it is not (if you see a book, put on gloves and use tweezers to open it to see if the inside cover has Leitner’s name on it before doing anything else).  

................

He pulls out Anki and turns all the unexpected safety instructions into an Anki deck. Then he thinks about it for a minute and puts all the expected safety instructions in the Anki deck too. If it turns out a demon is summoned every time you lift more than fifty pounds in the Archives, Lev is not going to be the one eaten by it. 

Most of it is fairly normal, if a bit centered around the job: touch artifacts as little as possible, use at least one layer of gloves when you do (unless they are likely to slip from gloves); don’t put artifacts at risk of touching each other; if anything breaks or has effects other than the expected ones, tell Elias immediately; don’t change the temperature without permission; don’t conduct experiments without permission; no food or drink in storage areas, including water; if there is tape on the floor surrounding an artifact, it is representing the minimum safe distance, and the Institute is not liable for any problems that may result from crossing it; if an artifact is missing, or if there is an artifact that is not in the inventory list, report it immediately. Artifacts on the Do Not Access list are stored in Storage Room 207, which is not to be opened without specific permission. If you open it anyway the Institute is not liable for any problems that result. If you give anyone access to items on the Do Not Access list, you may be liable. Do not take items out of storage without permission for any reason; if you have permission, you must fill out a form upon taking it and then another upon returning it. 

Is there a specific kind of glove mentioned? Do the glove instructions seem to be aiming more towards "don't allow skin to come into contact with the artefact" or towards germ quarantine procedures?

Latex and clean cotton are recommended; the instructions seem aimed towards minimizing skin-artefact contact. (There is also a section in the binder on germ quarantine procedures, in the event that some of the artefacts from the Do Not Access list are exposed to a person.)

.....Lev stands up and, touching as few things as possible, walks to the store, purchases a pack of latex gloves, and puts a pair of them on in the store. When he gets home, he orders twenty pairs of cotton gloves from Amazon, then thinks about it and adds another ten into his order. Then he emails Elias:

Are people who work with artefacts PPE-trained? If not, you should probably enroll them into a course. Ideally one aimed at medical professionals, I think the other ones are laxer. 

They are, yes. I will make sure that future hires are enrolled in courses aimed at medical professionals. Are you worried about any particular artefacts, or is this a general commitment to paranoia when the things we work with are so potentially dangerous? I’d be happy to go over our current containment procedures, but I do applaud the thought process that led to you asking; Gertrude was much the same. 

Lev types out, but does not send, "well, you hired a psychologist and then didn't tell me that magic existed so forgive me if I am a little bit concerned about the thoroughness of your training procedures."

Mostly paranoia; it is difficult to be worried about specific artefacts when I don't know anything about what any of them do. 

Does the training manual contain anything that is not safety guidelines?

Lots of instructions on paperwork for any experiments. Emphasis on the importance of taking lots and lots of notes (ideally in multiple formats; many things can corrupt digital data but not analog, or video but not audio, or similar). 

Well, that's good to know. 

NOTES ON SAFETY BOOK:

well this is totally useless for... conveying to people what is known about what we're studying... seriously this organization is incredibly incompetent and I don't trust anyone here as far as I can throw them

Physical contact with/distance from artefacts appears to be important. This implies magic cares about space. Artefacts also seem to care about temperature. 

(Totally irrelevant: interaction of artefacts with general relativity? Space is not a real thing. Might want to brush up on physics.)

Does magic care about human concepts? Or physics things? 

I feel like I'm being extremely paranoid, given how I have never interacted with a paranormal thing before in my life, but I expect that if I'm interacting with magic more then powerful magical things might interact with me. 

PERSONAL SAFETY PRECAUTIONS:

I have invested in gloves and might want to look into only wearing long pants and a jacket. 

He adds "learn physics" to the to-do list. Then he goes out and buys an analog tape recorder and a video camera, reads all his notes into a tape recorder, videotapes himself taking the notes, and copies out the notes by hand into a notebook. Then he pays careful attention to any weird feelings he has. 

No weird feelings; everything records normally.

He flops dramatically onto his bed. 

He... wants to talk to someone. Not someone. He wants to talk to Asher. He wants to talk to Asher more badly than he's wanted to talk to anyone. 

...He thinks about this for a second.

"Asher," he says, "if you're there, can you give me a weird prickly feeling of some sort?"

Still nothing. 

.................Lev has seen a horror film and knows that if Asher had responded this would probably result in Lev being eaten. This is not as comforting as it should be. 

He lies down onto the bed, grabs his pillow, curls into a ball around it, pretends very very intensely that Asher is holding him, and starts crying. 

He can do that as long as he wants!

If he stays there long enough and is paying close attention, he’ll eventually notice a brief resurgence of the being-watched feeling. It’s fainter this time, and it disappears after just a moment. (Could be anxiety, or wishful thinking, or just a weird thing that brains do; could be the same thing he felt in the Archives. It’s hard to tell.)

He... should write that up in his notebook.

He doesn't.

Lev hugs his pillow tightly and closes his eyes and presses his face into it and pretends that it's Asher.

He's been acting like he's going to keep working at the Archives. He shouldn't. If he were smart, he would quit right now. This is not his area of expertise. He doesn't really care about the paranormal; he's not a physicist. He cares about people, he loves people, he wants to understand people, he does not want to spend his career studying paranormal artifacts.

This is not, it seems, a kind and gentle paranormal. This is a paranormal that will kill him if he is not careful. If he were smart, he would quit. He doesn't know anyone who died of anything paranormal; the paranormal seems to be quite dangerous; his risk is going to very clearly increased by working at the Magnus Archives. 

He got this job so he wouldn't have to eat ramen anymore; if he keeps working at the Archives he is far more likely to die of the paranormal than he would to die of scurvy if he quit. 

And Lev can't get over his bad feeling about this place. No one told him it was a potentially life-threatening gig. He cannot expect to be informed of information that would keep him alive. He cannot expect to be told. 

He doesn't trust his coworkers. Shouldn't. He has no one to talk to except his notebook. No one to sanity-check. He will be alone, even more alone than he's been ever since Asher died.  

He wants to talk to Asher. Even more than a hug he wants an outside view. He wants to yell at Asher that he's an idiot, completely wrong, Lev has no idea how he could be enough of a moron to come to that conclusion and then he wants Asher to be right and then he wants to cuddle him and then they can have a decision that isn't just Lev figuring out how to do it on his own.

He doesn't think well by himself. 

There are nonhumans. He knows this from the statements he's transcribed. Some of the beings in the statements aren't humans. And-- they might not be people-- but they might be people. They might be alien people. Fundamentally different minds, working from completely different premises. Every person is a unique irreplaceable world, that's why he's a psychologist, but they all work on the same underlying physics. The paranormal minds could work... any way. They didn't even need to evolve, there are no constraints that he knows about on how they could be. Beautiful complicated intricate alien worlds...

If he quits, he will only ever be able to study human beings.

He'll work and he'll study and he'll learn and maybe someday he'll be able to see the world through alien eyes. 

He stands up, creates a journal spreadsheet, notes down his feeling of being watched and when and where and what triggered it; and next morning he goes to work.

He was on his bed; it wasn’t anything specific that triggered it, as far as he can tell. 

It’s back now, though. It doesn’t feel quite as sinister as it did before. Almost... pleased.

The next day at work, Martin asks him how he takes his tea. 

(That goes in the spreadsheet too, along with plenty of ????????? and AAAAAAAAAAAAA. He is pretty sure he cannot change his fundamental personality though.)

"Enough milk and sugar that I can't taste the tea."

Martin smiles. “Consider it done! How was your first day?”

"Well, I learned the paranormal actually exists, which was a surprise."

“Oh! Oh, yeah, I. Forgot you didn’t work at the Institute before now. I’ll, uh, get you that cup of tea?”

He’s back in a minute with two steaming mugs of tea; he places one in front of Lev and starts sipping at his own. Lev’s is, as promised, filled with enough milk and sugar that you can’t really taste the tea. “That, uh. Must have been a shock. Better at least to learn that in here than in Artefact Storage, I suppose?”

"You really need to improve your onboarding procedures."

“It’s... maybe not the greatest first impression a job has made on me? It pays well, though.”

Oh good there's someone in this job who's a sane person.

"What did you do before?"

“The Magnus Institute was my first job out of school, actually! I’ve worked here a few years now? Well, at the Institute, not the Archives, I mean. I just got transferred here from Research, uh, yesterday.”

"...that's weird, I wonder why they're transferring a bunch of people here all of a sudden."

“I heard that the previous archivist, uh... died?” His voice goes quiet and a bit high-pitched at the end of the sentence. “Left... a bit of a paperwork mess. She didn’t have anyone working with her, they didn’t have anyone else qualified to replace her... So I think everyone here is pretty much new. Well. New to the Archives, at least. I think I’ve seen Tim around in Research? Never really talked to him though. Guess we’ll just all have to get to know each other.”

"Huh. It's strange that they didn't just hire one person, if it was a one-person job before."

Martin shrugs. “Yeah, I guess? Not like I’m going to argue with Elias about it, though, so... I’m sure he has his reasons?”

"...you worked in Research, I was wondering if you could explain to me... anything... about how the paranormal actually works. Dragging any of it out of Elias is like pulling teeth."

“We... don’t know as much as you might be thinking, really. Most of our work is figuring out what has... any... plausibility... whatsoever? There’s a lot of false information out there, probably more false than real. And even the stuff that might be real, it’s usually hard to prove? So most of my work was actually, uh, reading old books and discrediting them. Pretty standard fare, really. Aleister Crowley was wrong about a lot of things, what else is new.” A nervous laugh.

"...how do you do that? It seems dangerous to try the rituals and see what happens."

“Researching people who have tried them, historically or modern, doing interviews, reading various accounts... there are a lot of people out there doing dangerous things. We do a lot of interviews in general, really—that’s what my job is in the Archives, too, is interviewing people who claim to have experienced something supernatural, see if the details match up, see if there’s any corroborating witnesses... Most of the time it’s drugs, honestly. Or someone playing a prank. But then there are people where the research just makes things more confusing, and I figure those are probably real.”

"...did the previous Archivist do all the interviews and all the archiving? No wonder everything's such a mess."

“No idea what she did, to be honest. This place was a mess when I first saw it—papers all over the floor, files in random boxes... I don’t even know if she did do any follow-up research.”

".............this place does not seem terribly well-run."

Another helpless shrug. “Not.... really? I guess I don’t know the standard for institutes that investigate things that most people don’t believe are even real. And, like I said, it pays the bills.”

He doesn't know if he thinks they're hiding something or just that incompetent. 

"Um, I'm sorry if this is a rude question, but do you actually know anything about how to do interviews?"

“Y......es? I mean, I... ask questions?”

"........................................................no."

“................................oh. I... kind of figured that someone would, uh, tell me if I was doing it wrong?”

"If you express your opinions in any way in an interview, some participants will say the thing they think will make you happy. Participants don't normally contradict the framing in questions-- if you ask what made them sad they won't go 'actually that made me happy.' If you authoritatively claim something false, you can literally induce false memories. It is not hard. Police officers do it all the time. And that's not even getting into things like-- establishing rapport with the interviewee, or getting specific answers instead of vague generalities-- getting people to admit to socially undesirable behavior--"

“......................oh. Well. Uh. I’ll.... keep that in mind? I mean, um, thank you! Thank you.” He’s bright red. 

".............uh, sorry. I'm an academic psychologist. Was."

“No, no, it’s good! It’s good. Um. It will definitely be good to have you working here, it sounds like?”

"I don't know anything about how to be a librarian either! --If you want I can bring you some of the books from my qualitative research methods class."

“That would be great thank you so much. Um, I mean. That would be. Helpful, probably. If you’re okay with that. ...Do you have anything you need help with?”

"...I don't suppose you have a degree in library science?"

“N....o. Sorry.” He’s red again.

"...I feel kind of bad. We've known each other for ten minutes and all I've done is make you feel inadequate about your interviewing ability."

“It’s okay! Really, it’s— it’s fine.” He sounds almost hopeful. “Um. Is there anything... easy... that I can help with? Or I can just... bring you more tea?”

".........I have no idea what I'm doing either, I was hired as a librarian and I was planning on spending today reading an introduction to library science textbook. Also testing the Magnus Archives with a carbon monoxide detector."

Martin visibly relaxes. “Oh, okay, that. Makes sense! Or, well, it doesn’t, but— Um. I can set up the carbon monoxide detector if you want, while you read?”

"...the reason I want to test it is that I was getting a strange feeling of being watched and that could be something paranormal but it could also just be... carbon monoxide. And I would feel really stupid if I got incredibly paranoid about paranormal stuff and it turned out I had carbon monoxide poisoning."

“Makes sense. I... think I know the feeling. So, not just you, and probably a good idea to check for mundane stuff first.”

(If Lev’s been paying attention, he feels watched here, too. Has since he walked in to the Archives, though the amount occasionally fluctuates.)

"If you want, maybe you can work on getting that set up, and I can go back to my place and grab the books from my class and the introduction to library science textbook, and then we can both spend some time learning how to do our jobs? And maybe take a break for lunch and check out the Indian place."

(Indian place is several blocks away and will let him figure out whether he gets any weird feelings from Martin, separately from the Archives.)

“Sure! That sounds... really good, actually? Thanks.”

...he is unsure if there is any way to say "I don't hate you, I am just really really passionate about research methods" that isn't unprofessional, and decides that perhaps the best way to do it is with a gift of Qualitative Interviewing: The Art of Hearing Data.

Does anything happen on his walk to and from his apartment?

Nope. He feels less watched as soon as he steps out the door; there’s one fleeting burst of the feeling about halfway through the walk back, but it dissipates quickly. 

He writes this down in his notebook for transfer to his spreadsheet later.

"Here are the books! Did you get the carbon monoxide detector working?"

“I did! It says everything’s normal? So that’s not... great. I mean, it is, because we’re not going to get carbon monoxide poisoning! But, uh, if it were carbon monoxide then we’d be more able to... fix it. So.”

"I did some research on my phone when I was commuting and formaldehyde and pesticides can also cause haunted-house-like symptoms, but formaldehyde we should be able to smell, and I don't think we're going to get intense pesticide exposure in London. So probably it's paranormal."

“Could be infrasound, I guess? But... probably, yeah. That’s not... great.”

Lev starts taking out a pile of books from his backpack. "Sorry if this is overwhelming, I kind of, uh, grabbed everything I had. I figured information overload was better than not knowing enough? --If you have any questions you can ask me too, Research Methods was one of my favorite undergrad classes to teach." 

“No, this is—this is good! Thank you. I’ll—make sure to do that, yeah.” He chooses a book at random and squints at it for a moment before settling down and beginning to read. 

Lev is very skeptical that Martin will in fact do that but now is the time to make an Anki deck about library science. 

(...He considers asking Martin to let him switch jobs but is pretty sure he will have more pull to run the place if he is technically in charge of things.)

Nothing disturbs him until lunchtime; at the Indian place, he does not have any sense of being watched. 

He should probably... attempt... to make small talk.

This is honestly a more terrifying prospect than being killed by an artifact. 

...He considers this, and then considers what he knows of Martin so far.

"We should probably make small talk," he says, "but honestly that is a more terrifying prospect than being killed by an artifact."

“Ohthankgod. I mean. Uh. I don’t— talking to you is great! You seem great! ...Just, not having to make small talk also sounds great. Sorry. Or, not sorry, because you suggested it? I’m just going to shut up now. Uh. Thank you, is what I meant.”

"I have spent my entire career as a grad student or an adjunct and am therefore entirely incompetent to talk about anything other than my dissertation, where to find free food or, for complicated reasons, whether the Youth American Grand Prix is causing young ballerinas to favor acrobatic tricks at the expense of their artistry."

“...I would maybe be interested in knowing about places to get free food.” Other than that, he’s going to take Lev up on his offer of no small talk and not ask about the rest of that list!

"Unfortunately I did adjuncting in an entirely different city so I cannot help."

Martin nods sadly and then is distracted by the food arriving! Indian food: delicious.

It is delicious!

He was vaguely hoping they could talk about non-small things but, unfortunately, he is really bad at conversations.

That makes two of them! Martin can manage “awkward small talk” but anything else is a bit above his conversational abilities. 

“That was... Really nice, actually,” he says once lunch is over. “Um. Thank you.”

Oh good he didn't fuck this social situation up totally.

"You're welcome."

When they return to the Archives, so does the feeling of being watched. Martin tucks himself in a corner and goes back to reading the book on qualitative research.

Does Lev do anything else that day?

He's going to take notes on the introduction to library science book for a while, and then he's going to say to Martin: "you know more about this than I do, is there any sign the paranormal interacts weirdly with electronics?"

“Oh! Uh, yeah, I think so? It’s a common theme in a lot of the things I’ve researched, anyway. It’s inconsistent, which makes it hard? Like, sometimes it seems like it only has... weird... interactions with computers, but other times it seems like it can’t even tolerate lightbulbs. And we don’t even know how much of it is real, which doesn’t exactly help. Probably someone’s done research on that with the artefacts in storage? I could check.”

"Don't bother."

He contemplates whether to trust Martin. 

Pro: he really, really needs someone to talk to; Martin is the only person so far who has actually shared useful information; he didn't get a weird feeling eating lunch with Martin; it is extremely difficult to imagine Martin being secretly possessed by a demon.

Con: wouldn't demons act like people it is extremely difficult to imagine being possessed by demon?

Martin doesn’t say anything more; Sasha and Tim don’t come out of their offices. The notes get longer, the clock ticks, and the everpresent feeling of being watched waxes and wanes. 

If Lev doesn’t say anything either, it will eventually be time for him to go home. 

...yeah probably the chance that he's going to die because Martin is a demon is outweighed by the chance that he is going to die because he has no idea what he's doing.

"I'm curious about how things interact with electronics," he says, "because I've been trying to take my own notes on paranormal things, especially my own experiences. Some of the statements won't digitize, and there are apparently some books you're not supposed to touch, and I'm sort of concerned my notes would... become... paranormal in some way? And therefore dangerous? But I don't know if taking the notes in Google Docs is safer." 

“I... also don’t know, honestly. I haven’t heard of anything digital becoming paranormal? And I think most of the artefacts... started that way? But it’s... I don’t know everything, I don’t know that much at all really.”

"Right, but even if you don't know anything you can make guesses. We know it would definitely be a bad idea for me to take my notes in a Leitner book. --What is a Leitner book anyway, all I've gathered is that you shouldn't touch them."

“Right, yeah. Uh, Jurgen Leitner was a very rich collector of rare books. He died in a fire that destroyed most of his library, but not all of it? And every book anyone’s heard of that has his name on it is, bad. Really bad. Sasha would probably know the details of the ones we have? But all I know is that they’re basically all, uh, on the Do Not Access list. Which, it takes a lot for artefacts to get put there? Means there’s no experiments anyone can do that don’t have a risk of dying or... or worse. So. I assume it’s bad.”

He has so many questions!

"........what is worse than dying."

“I... there are a lot of stories, I don’t know which are true, and it probably depends on... what things you think are bad? I mean.” He gestures around. “The statements would probably give you an idea? Not the fake ones, but.” He shrugs. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I should be actually doing my job and not going down rabbit holes. In my defense, if they wanted someone who would just do librarian-ing they should have really hired... a librarian."

Martin actually huffs a laugh at that. “Fair enough!”

"Elias wants me to digitize everything. Even the statements that won't digitize, he wants me to read them into a tape recorder, and not just file them and say 'if you want to look at a statement that can't be digitized look in that folder.'"

“Huh. Is that, like... normal?”

"Well, I'm pretty sure most archives don't have statements that won't digitize."

Martin laughs again. “Yeah, fair point. Guess it’s hard to tell how much normal applies here.”

"But it's sort of strange. I can't think why having them tape-recorded would make them more useful, I guess unless someone is trying to use the Archives and also blind."

Helpless shrug. “I guess. Maybe he just wants... more copies, for some reason? I don’t know, I’m not used to, uh... questioning what people tell me to do here? It sounds kind of pathetic when I say it like that, but.”

...oh crap he has to figure out how to be sensitive to other people's feelings.

The thing that comes out of his mouth is "...you're not stupid."

“....oh. I. Um. Thank... you?” He’s tearing up a little. “That’s. Uh. You did... just... meet me? But. Thank you.”

"You are not stupid or pathetic and would probably be considerably less of both if you had any self-confidence whatsoever," he says hypocritically.

“.....................................................................oh. Uh. Wow. I mean, thank you! I’m going to get you some tea now? Enough sugar and milk that you can’t taste the tea?”

He is bright red as he almost-runs out of the room, not really waiting for an answer. 

..................oh no he's really bad at people.

He's just going to. Read his introduction to library science textbook now.

Martin comes back eventually, long past the amount of time it would take to make even the most complicated cup of tea, eyes a bit red but looking significantly more composed. He’s holding two cups of tea again. “Um. Sorry about that. I’m usually a bit better than this? I guess I’m not used to... being... complimented? Which sounds a lot more depressing when I say it out loud? Point is. Uh. Thank you? I really, uh, I’m glad you were hired. And I brought you tea! I’ll—if you want to talk about that we can, but if you don’t we don’t have to bring this up again and we can pretend it never happened.”

".............. my boyfriend's dead."

“OhgodI’msosorry— I didn’t mean— this is normally when I’d offer to make you tea but I already did that— but if you want anything else? I’m really really sorry, I really didn’t mean anything like that, I. Uh. If you ever need anything just. Ask? Or if you want me to just. Go. That’s fine too.”

Why did he say that. This entire conversation is just getting worse and worse. 

"........I don't want you to go I just. Um. I'm kind of a mess, I don't know... how to... do... social things... because Asher did all the social things and now he's gone and mostly when I am trying to compliment people I do it by calling them an idiot and telling them they're wrong about everything and if I did that to you it would be like kicking a puppy and I feel like I am digging myself into a deeper and deeper hole and I don't know how to make you not scared of me."

“Oh. I’m. I don’t know how much you can? You’re not scary you’re just—“ He waves his hands around vaguely. “I’m kind of scared of... everything? And I’m also a mess, and I’m—bad at this, okay, but you’re already one of the least scary people I know here, which is impressive because you’re my boss and I just met you yesterday? I guess I’m trying to say that... you’re good, actually. And I guess I’m just... not very used to that.”

"You are the only person so far who has given me vaguely useful information in response to questions. And I really need someone to bounce ideas off of because I just discovered magic exists yesterday and my boyfriend is dead and I don't, actually, have other people to talk to. --Also it seems really unlikely that you are possessed by an evil spirit or something. Just, like, I realize I'm reasoning only from horror movies here and for all I know real-life evil spirits universally have serious anxiety disorders, but it seems reaaaaaaaally hard to imagine."

Martin laughs weakly at that, his shoulders relaxing. “Yeah. Yeah, I guess that’s true at least. Martin Blackwood, voted least likely to be possessed by an evil spirit three years running! I’ll— do my best to be a good sounding board, then.”

"...is that a thing I actually have to worry about?"

“I don’t... think so? Nothing happened to me or anyone I knew in Research, I bet Artefact Storage is more dangerous if you’re not careful but the Archives always seemed... kind of innocuous? I didn’t really pay it much attention, honestly. I don’t even know if evil spirits are the sort of thing that exists, but if they do, I figure someone should be learning about them. ...Right?”

"I think I am going to start out at paranoia level 'incredibly paranoid' and then loosen up if it seems like I'm not dead." He points to his hands, which are covered in latex gloves. "I am not wearing these as a fashion statement."

“...Yeah, that’s fair. I support you not being dead! Not being dead is great!”

On one hand, this is not very professional. On the other hand, nothing at the Archives has actually been particularly professional yet.

"...do you want a hug?"

“......Yeah. Yeah, that’d be good.”

Martin gives very good hugs. 

Lev hasn't been hugged since his boyfriend disappeared.

Lev's very short and Martin is very tall-- he must be a foot and a half taller than Lev-- so Lev can press his face into Martin's chest, which is warm and solid and very nice. He manages to avoid doing anything embarrassing out of muscle memory, like rubbing his face into Martin's chest like a cat or announcing "soft!" 

It’s very possible that Martin hasn’t been hugged in a while either; the hug lasts longer than is at all professional, and when he breaks away, it’s reluctant. “....thank you. That was... good.”

"I miss Asher," Lev says. "That is my boyfriend. Was. Asher Kane."

“Oh. Yeah. That... makes sense.” He shuffles a bit, considering. “Do you want a hug?”

"...I wasn't hugging you out of pure altruism. But, uh. Yes."

Oh good more hug!

More hug!

A kind of unrealistic amount of self-control exercised in not whimpering unprofessionally or breaking into tears!

Martin is ALSO not doing these things. They are both being very impressive today.

Martin is pretty sure that none of this is acceptable workplace conduct, especially from his boss, but Lev is very very soft and good and he can’t really bring himself to care. 

"...probably I should go back to learning about library science," he says eventually.

Martin unhugs. “Right! Right, yeah.”

And Lev does NOTHING BUT LIBRARY SCIENCE for the rest of the day.

Martin reads more of the book Lev gave him, but after a while his attention starts to wander. “I’m going to look through some old statements, do some follow up?”

He opens his laptop, makes a valiant effort to do this for about five minutes, and then opens up a new tab and googles “Asher Kane”.

The first result is actually Google wanting to know if he meant to look on Google Scholar for Asher Kane's papers, "Well-posedness in Gevrey function space for the three-dimensional Prandtl equations" and "Global Solution for the Spatially Inhomogeneous Non-cutoff Kac Equation."

The second, third, and fourth results are various glowing reviews of Asher Kane's ballet performances, with headlines like "meditative focus and fiendishly exposed balances show off company's strength, finesse."

The fifth result is actually Google wanting to know if he meant to look on YouTube for Asher Kane's performances. The stills show a person doing things that really should not be possible if they were not capable of levitation. 

The sixth result is Asher Kane's obituary.

The seventh result is an announcement that Asher Kane won the Emerging Poet Prize for new poets. 

The eighth result is his Instagram. 

...He is pretty sure that some of these are the wrong Asher Kane. The obituary is almost definitely the right one; the Instagram will at least give him an idea of which one is the right Asher. He clicks on the Instagram. 

The Instagram almost certainly belongs to Dancer Asher Kane, judging by the number of videos of him with his leg over his head spinning on one foot, or leaping in the air, or similar. Dancer Asher Kane was also Lev's boyfriend, as there is a video of him tossing a laughing Lev in the air and catching him. 

Asher Kane posted a lot of shirtless gym selfies, from which Martin can learn that Asher has enough muscle definition that you could use him as a teaching tool for an anatomy class. Asher also went to quite a lot of parties and nightclubs and events with a variety of extremely fashionable and attractive people. Both of those pictures usually have dozens of comments. In defiance of all concerns for his personal safety, Asher Kane attached strings to something, lit it on fire, and spun it around in circles, somehow without hitting himself in the face and causing third-degree burns. 

Lev isn't in any of those pictures. There's one picture of him sleeping on what must be Asher's thigh, and another picture of him reading a book, but either Lev didn't go to parties or he was very camera-shy or both. 

Asher has tagged another Instagram account, knowledge-is-prediction, in a lot of extremely sentimental pictures-- ones with sentiments like "isn't it amazing how people can feel like home" and "I tried counting the freckles on your skin but lost count every time because I found constellations on your body" or "I find pieces of you in every song that I listen to." knowledge-is-prediction comments on these with 🙄 or ❤️ or sometimes, when the spirit particularly moved him, ❤️🙄.

Asher Kane went to Burning Man! Here he is next to a Tesla coil. Here he is next to a giant sculpture of a psychedelic lion. Here he is spinning the fire things again. Here he is grinning in a floofy skirt. Here he is in the orgy tent. Here he is with one arm around an excessively handsome naked man and one arm around an excessively beautiful woman who has misplaced her shirt. 

knowledge-is-prediction has commented on every single one of the Burning Man pictures with sentiments like "I don't have playa foot" and "my tent did not go cartwheeling down the playa like a tumbleweed. I in fact am currently staying in an apartment building. With air conditioning" and "I was not sexually harassed by a naked woman rolling on molly" and "I went out and bought food. With money. As we normally do in a capitalist society which takes advantage of division of labor and gains from trade."

Okay. This is.... fine. Martin should really not be feeling jealous of Lev’s boyfriend who is dead, who Lev is mourning.

(AAAAAAAAAAA.)

He should get back to work. Instead, he clicks on knowledge-is-prediction. 

knowledge-is-prediction is Lev! He doesn't post on Instagram. He seems to exclusively exist to comment on Asher's posts. 

...aw. That’s... really cute, actually. 

On a whim, he goes back a few pages, clicks on the announcement of Asher Kane winning the Emerging Poet Prize. 

That sure is a picture of the same Asher Kane!

The poem is, unfortunately, very very good. 

Of course it is. At least he got a good poem out of it? 

(Ugh. He should really really not be this jealous of someone who is dead.)

He closes the tab and goes back to researching the statement, trying very hard not to think too much about Asher Kane and his muscles and his friends and his poetry and Lev sleeping on his thigh and okay maybe he’s not doing a very good job of not thinking about it. 

Lev is talking to the introduction to library science textbook. Mostly "no!" and "really?" and "huh" and occasionally frantic scribbling.

(He could check if the Asher Kane who did math is also the same Asher Kane. Probably the obituary would say.)

After a while longer of trying to work, he opens up the tab again to read Asher’s obituary. 

Asher Kane was born at such-and-such a place and disappeared a few months before the publication of this obituary! He is presumed dead. He was a dancer for this company and this company and this company and this company and received these awards and honors for the excellence of his dancing. In his spare time he wrote poetry and published two papers about mathematics. He was about to retire and had been accepted to the London School of Economics, where he planned to study Econometrics and Mathematical Economics. He is survived by his parents and his fiance Lev Aarons. In lieu of flowers please donate to this charity that does research on public health interventions in the developing world. 

Augh. Is Asher actually perfect. ...Except for the being disappeared-presumed-dead, but still. 

(And he was Lev’s fiancé.)

The day passes very, very slowly for Martin.

Lev gets in a groove on studying library science and winds up falling asleep in the office on top of his textbook.

Fortunately for him, his textbook was not owned by Leitner at any point.

...that’s really cute. 

Martin debates on whether or not to wake him up, ends up tucking a blanket around him before leaving. 

The first person to come in the next day for work is Tim, who seems to at least be sympathetic. “Good morning, boss! Rough night?”

"Grrrarrrgh," Lev says eloquently.

“That bad, huh? I can grab you some tea or coffee if you want, something to wake you up a little.”

He wakes up slightly more. 

"...not really, I'm just... bad at... stopping working."

“Not the worst flaw to have, I guess. Anything I should be doing, then, or should I just leave you be?”

"I was thinking of taking a look at Artefact Storage today."

“Good luck, then. I’ve only been there once, place gives me the creeps. Not that the rest of the Institute is much better, but, hey.”

Lev considers the risk of polluting his dataset and says--

"Yeah, the whole place gives me a strange feeling."

"It's built on top of the ruins of Millbank Prison, did you know that? Designed and built by Robert Smirke. I did most of my research on him--he was one of the leaders of Gothic Revival architecture, though he dabbled a bit in everything--but the weird thing is, all his buildings have a higher percentage of reported paranormal activity than average. Hauntings, disappearances, statements, strange deaths, historical reports, all of it. Weird, right?"

When Martin gets in he is going to scream about this decision. 

"Huh. Do you have any idea why?"

"Nope! It's consistent, though. And the Institute isn't even on top of one of his innocuous buildings, like--a church or a club or something. Millbank Prison was based on Bentham's panopticon, it's some seriously creepy stuff. I just hope it was--Jonah Magnus's sense of humor, and not anything worse. Nobody else I know that works here has died, but that's not exactly a statistically significant study, you know?"

Lev mentally adds Jonah Magnus to the list of people he does not trust as far as he can throw them. 

"It seems like you'd expect some deaths," he says mildly, "just because we're working with very dangerous material. What did you do before?"

"Publishing, believe it or not! Worked in it for five years before deciding to come here. You?"

"Psychologist. I stopped adjuncting because I got tired of eating ramen."

Sympathetic smile. "Yeah, I know that feeling. My degree is in Anthropology, but, well, here I am."

"Well, it's not entirely unlike social science."

"True enough! And it pays better."

With that, Lev is going to return to studying until Martin arrives.

Martin comes in not too long later. "Hey!"

"Hey! I was thinking about asking Sasha for a tour of Artefact Storage. Want to come?"

"Sure!"

Lev is going to go on a quest to find Sasha, but first he is going to get out of earshot of anyone and go, "apparently the Institute is built on the remains of a prison! That violated people's human rights! And was made by an architect all of whose buildings show an elevated level of paranormal activity! Why? Why would you do that?! HAS NO ONE IN MANAGEMENT HERE SEEN A HORROR MOVIE?"

"I... don't... know? It sounds like.... maybe.... not???" 

"--of course," Lev corrects himself, "there is no reason to think that horror movies would accurately reflect the real paranormal, any more than romantic comedies reflect how romance actually works or action movies show what war is like. But it does seem like running an extreme risk for literally no reason."

“Yeah, uh, that seems not great! So, uh... artefact storage?”

"Yeah, let's go find Sasha."

Sasha is in her office! “Oh, hi! I was just about to start doing follow up on a statement— what is it?”

"I'm new here and I am still trying to learn about things. Elias said that you could show me Artefact Storage?"

“I can do that. Follow me?”

He does!

Finally an answer to questions!

Sasha shows him through artefact storage, staying farther away from the artefacts than is really necessary ("it's a good habit to be in"). This is an origami how-to book that results in geometrically impossible shapes! This is a wooden-handled gun that's safe to use as long as you don't get splinters, which give severe violent impulses until they're pulled out! This is a gumball machine; it's a perfectly normal gumball machine except that if you try to buy a gumball you will instead get a stream of animal bones! 

Then Sasha pulls a face. "What is it?" Martin asks.

"Here's where I worked," Sasha says. "Uh, that chair over there? Does hallucinations. I slept in it, once. Couldn't tell when I was dreaming and when I was awake for a week. It pays the best in the institute, but I do not miss it. Gave up a memory to that book over there. I--wouldn't have written anything important, but still." She sighs. "--Oh, I know what I should show you! This necklace, see? The pendant changes entirely every few hours. If you take a picture with most modern cameras, the picture will change too, but if you use something with actual film, it preserves what you remember. It's what we usually show to new people, since as far as we can tell it's otherwise safe."

He takes notes in his notebook for transfer to his computer later tonight. 

So, artefacts do interact weirdly with electronics and not in a way that straightforwardly means that taking notes in Google Docs is safe. It does suggest that keeping things backed up in multiple forms is useful.  

Artefacts do not follow the laws of mathematics. Artefacts do seem to interact with minds-- relatively high-level concepts like memories and violent impulses-- which suggest that minds are something ontologically fundamental. 

"Does the wooden-handled gun have the same effects on everyone?" Lev asks. "Do you know what happens if a splinter gets in the finger of, say, a committed pacifist?"

“Some people can resist for longer, but as far as I know, as long as you have the splinter you’re just going to get angrier and more impulsive until either you hit a breaking point or the splinter comes out. Maybe it’s possible that there’s some Buddhist monk out there that can keep resisting it indefinitely but we haven’t found anyone who can, and it’s not a particularly safe one to test.”

Huh. That seems like the sort of thing you could do with drugs. He writes down a question mark next to his notes on it in his notebook. The memories are more confusing though.

He scribbles down "dualism??????" and underlines it three times.

"So should we come back and look at the necklace in a few hours?"

“Sure! Unless there’s anything else you want to see? The really dangerous ones are mostly encased in steel or hermetically sealed plastic or both, so they’re not much to look at, but we could swing by if you want.”

"I'm not sure I want to get that close, but I'm curious what they are."

“Sure! So, the one I know the most about is an abstract painting? It shifts, when you stare at it. It’s not at all a picture of a person, you know objectively that it’s not, but it feels like it’s obviously a person. If you look at it for longer than a glance out of the corner of your eye you just... disappear. No clue what happens to you, just— gone. There’s a water purifier that creates new strains of virus when you use it, nasty ones, the sort that would be called superbugs. The ones that compel you to pick them up and keep them also get put here, even if we don’t know how dangerous they are, just in case the answer is very; we have a set of kitchenware that’s like that. The rumor is that they had to cut someone’s finger off to get them away, but the gossip’s only occasionally true.” She walks as she talks, heading back to the archives. 

Has he noticed any strange feelings while he was in Artefact Storage, or talking to Sasha?

"Hm. It feels like it's obviously a person for everyone? And the kitchenware gave you an impulse to pick up them specifically?"

He feels watched, but no more than he always feels watched while in the Institute.

“Yes and yes.”

"I'm curious about other mind-affecting artefacts," he says, trying not to sound overly excited.

“Well, there’s a lot of them. Lots of them are like the kitchenware? Makes you pick them up, doesn’t let you put them down. Some of them it’s hard to tell if they’re affecting your brain or your body, but either way is bad. An example of that is... a book where everyone who read it ended up climbing up to their roof and jumping off. There’s one that makes you unable to understand language, I think? You can still talk and write but you can’t understand what anyone else is saying. There’s a mosaic trivet that makes you—confused, about whether or not you are also a trivet, and incredibly distressed whenever you think that you’re not, which can be very dangerous for rather the obvious reason. There’s a conch shell that makes you feel intensely lonely. There’s... kind of a lot, like I said.”

"Oh, wow, that's really c-- interesting. It's really interesting," he says, eventually managing to behave like a professional adult about the concept of deadly artefacts.

“Mm,” Sasha says noncommittally. “I guess.”

"I've been trying to get to know all the people I'm supposed to be managing," Lev says, "do you want to get lunch sometime?"

“Sure,” she says. “You inviting Martin too, or?”

"Nah," he says, "I think I should get a chance to talk to you one-on one," and attempts to convey to Martin through his eyes that this is not because Lev hates him. 

“...Sure, yeah. Is everyone getting asked on a lunch date, or just me?”

"...everyone? I talked to Martin before."

“Mm-hm.” She glances at Martin with an annoyed expression, but instead of sympathetic, his face is stony; confused, she glances back to Lev. “Anything else you need me for?”

"Not really! Thank you."

Sasha raises an eyebrow and leaves; Martin is a dark red.

“So,” Martin eventually chokes out. “Did you... learn everything... you wanted to...?”

He has been trying SO HARD not to say anything while Sasha was in the room and now he is FAR TOO INTERESTED IN PSYCHOLOGY to notice what is going on with Martin. 

He bounces.

"Martin! Martin! Minds are ontologically basic!"

“O—oh! That’s, um, really cool!” Martin turns a different shade of red, but he’s smiling now.

Bounce bounce bounce.

"You have no idea what that means probably! But it's awesome! We just solved one of the longest-standing problems in philosophy of mind!"

Oh good it’s not weird that he doesn’t know what that is! “Y..ay? I’m... glad? That’s— really impressive that you just did that, I... guess...? I’m sorry, I’d probably be reacting better if I knew anything about what you’re talking about.”

"--oh, I'm sorry, I'm being an asshole-- so there are things that, like, reality is basically made of? Like, in standard physics there are-- I don't know, quarks or something, and you can't get smaller than quarks, and everything is made up of them? Asher could tell you that better than me, I'm not a physics. So quarks are ontologically basic, and lots of people think they're the only ontologically basic thing? Except they can't be because the kitchenware that makes you want to pick it up makes you want to pick up this specific piece of kitchenware. And the gun that makes you violent doesn't just elevate your sympathetic nervous system or something, it actually gives you the urge to be violent. So it has to be interacting with minds as a thing separate from, like, quarks, because minds are the thing that know what violence and kitchenware are. --I guess it could be wrong, it could be categories that are ontologically basic, like maybe the universe knows what kitchenware is separate from minds-- but we can do empricism to philosophy this is so awesome. --Did I do a bad job of explaining things. I think I am too excited to be good at explaining things."

“No, no, I... think I got it? That’s, that’s really neat! You’re good at explaining things.”

(It is very hard to pay attention to Lev’s words when he is smiling and bouncing but Martin is making a valiant attempt.)

"I think it's minds though because a lot of the artefacts are mind-affecting and none of them seem to be, like, category-affecting? --I guess the one that makes you think you're a trivet could be, like, ontologically causing you to be in the 'trivet' category? Although in that case I'm not sure why it wouldn't make other people think you're a trivet. Maybe people know what categories they're in, at least sometimes, but observers can be mistaken?" Bounce bounce bounce! "And if minds are ontologically basic then dualism has to be true! The mind is something different from the brain! Maybe consciousness is so hard to explain because we aren't talking about minds! --I wonder if we can do tests to figure out which animals are sapient. This is so cool."

“Yeah!” Words are also very hard when Lev is bouncing and smiling (at him, smiling at him!) but it is very important. “That’s really cool, that’s— wow, I wouldn’t have thought of any of that, but— wow.”

"...I wonder how many hours I have to work a week before I can claim that reading philosophy of mind is work, I haven't done any of it since undergrad."

“No idea! Guess we can find out?”

"Yeah!! I mean it is not like I have literally anything else to be doing with my life."

“That makes two of us, then! Between us we will have so much time to test philosophy.”

Bounce bounce.

"I am going to make Sasha tell me all about the mind-affecting artefacts. --And the category-affecting ones."

“Yeah!” He hesitates then for a moment. “I... don’t think Sasha likes talking about Artefact Storage much? Which, like, obviously if it’s important, just...”

"...oh that makes sense. Damn. I will have to figure out something else to talk to her about."

(He does not look terribly enthusiastic about this prospect.)

“...sorry. It’s nothing personal? She just, had a rough time of it there is all.”

"...yeah, that makes sense. Dunno why Elias didn't point me to someone else to ask questions of. Maybe he thought I'd be less curious."

“Probably? Most people are less curious than you are, I think. And I mean, she is the only assistant you have who worked there. He might not even know why she transferred out.”

"Well, they should be more curious, because this is all incredibly neat. --At least until I get devoured by an evil spirit."

“Well, let’s just hope that the reason most people are less curious than you isn’t just survivorship bias, then.” A weak smile. 

Bounce bounce. "I like you."

Blushing!!!! So much blushing!!!!!!! “That’s probably a good thing, if we’re working together!”

"Speaking of working, I should probably actually do some of that."

“Yeah, probably. ...I maybe should too.”

With that, Lev returns to studying library science!

The next chapter that seems at all relevant is about the importance of universal design. 

Universal design! It is important to design things so that everyone can access them, regardless of age, disability, etc. Even ignoring how important it is to make information free and easy (the core principle of libraries!), it is often easier and cheaper to build this in from the start, rather than clumsily trying to do it only once it is required. The author clearly has OPINIONS on this subject. 

Lev thinks about this.

And then he goes to the filing cabinet, takes out one of the non-digitizable statements, and reads it into the tape recorder.

Sasha did some followup research on the statement of Nathan Watts since Lev saw it first. While the investigation at the time turned up no corroboration, there have since been a chain of disappearances from the same place Nathan claimed to have seen the figure: Jessica McEwen in November 2005, Sarah Baldwin in August 2006, Daniel Rawlings in December 2006, Ashley Dobson and Megan Shaw in May and June of 2008, and John Fellowes in March 2010. Some or all of them might be coincidence, but it’s a worrying pattern. At least two of them were definitely smokers. 

She also found the last picture Ashley Dobson texted her sister, captioned “check out this drunk creeper lol”. The alleyway and the stairs appear just as Nathan Watts described them. There appeared at first to be nobody in the picture, but increasing exposure and contrast enough revealed the outline of a long, beckoning hand. 

This is not what Lev is thinking about as he reads the statement. 

Reading the statement feels like—channeling something, almost. Like stepping out of his skin and into Nathan’s. It feels vivid, real, as though Lev were experiencing it himself, as though he were the one having Nathan’s thoughts and feelings, noticing the sights and sounds. It’s riveting; as soon as he starts, he doesn’t want to stop reading. 

It’s hard to tell if he feels less watched or more. Maybe both. He feels more tired than is probably normal, given that all he did was read a sheet of paper, but he also feels weirdly satisfied, like something is unaccountably correct with the world.  

But more than any of that, more than anything, Lev feels the burn of curiosity in his gut deepen. 

aaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

holy fuck reading the non-digitized statements is mind control

fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

The tape recorder just sits on his desk, whirring. 

He needs to find Martin and process it.

He needs to not bother Martin with his stupid stupid feelings since Martin is, you know, his employee, and probably getting kind of sick of this by this point.

He needs to take notes on this as much as he can before he forgets because he is not going to do this a second time.

He needs to figure out how to-- scrub his brain clean-- from the thing that took it over-- he needs to figure out how to fix it--

He needs to delete the tape recording.

He needs to run out of here and quit his job and never come back and wear gloves everywhere and be an adjunct professor and pretend that he didn't know that the paranormal is real--

He needs Asher.

He digs his fingernails into his hands and forces himself to take slow, deep, calm breaths. Then he forces himself to sit down and write out everything he can remember about the experience before it gets contaminated by things other people say. Then he forces himself to take slow, deep, calm breaths again. Then he stands up and walks very, very slowly to the place where Martin works. He makes himself a cup of tea, forcing himself to concentrate on the feel of the mug in his hands and the heat of the water and the sound of the kettle. (He'd have to do it very deliberately anyway. His hands are shaking.) And then he sits and opens his introduction to library science textbook and pretends to read it and breathes. And breathes. 

The library science textbook informs him that gloves (typically cotton or latex) are recommended for handling old documents, as the oil on your hands can damage them. 

Martin makes him more tea whenever his either runs out or gets cold. 

Martin is good!

Lev is visibly incredibly freaked out.

After a while, Martin is going to say very tentatively: “Are you okay? ...Stupid question, I know, but.”

(Since Lev started freaking out, the being-watched feeling has been intense.)

"I'm fine! I should get dinner! Do you want to join me!" he says, too quickly, and ignoring the fact that it is 3pm.

Martin looks at Lev, then at the time, then back at Lev. “...Sure!”

Off to the Indian place!

Does he feel less watched when he leaves the Archives?

Yes, but it’s not down to zero like it normally is, and it gets a bit higher whenever he gets more freaked out. 

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

"...the non-digitizable statements mind control you when you read them into a tape recorder."

“......................That’s not great!”

"It's really not! And now the watching thing won't leave me alone and is watching me especially more intensely when I'm freaking out! Except that just makes me freak out more!"

“Maybe that’s the point? To get you trapped in a loop?”

"Unfortunately I'm not very good at not being freaked out when things are controlling my mind!!"

“—Okay, yeah, that’s... that’s fair. What happened?”

Deep breath.

"I read the statement into the tape recorder and it felt like I-- became the person in the statement. And then once I was finished I was incredibly tired and I felt weirdly satisfied, like everything was correct, and I was even more curious than I am normally. --I wrote up notes right afterward, I can type them up and give them to you."

“Okay. That’s... that’s not great but it is in fact better than I was afraid of when you told me you had been mind controlled? Um, the notes would probably be good. I’m really sorry, Lev.”

"What I want to do," he says, "is quit and go back to adjuncting."

“Then... do that? I mean, don't get me wrong! I’ll miss you! But, um. You seem really upset?”

"Maybe I will." They arrive at the Indian place and he grabs a menu. He was not lying about needing food. "...but if I do that I won't get to understand how it works."

“...On the one hand, this is basically what I would have expected you to say. On the other hand, you did say it mind controlled you to make you more curious?”

"...I object to things messing around in my head without my knowledge but I don't really care if I'm more curious than I was before."

“Well, that’s better than... not? I guess? Does it— do you know if it does anything else?”

"It sucked me in to reading the statement, like I said, it made me feel like I was there and I was the person giving the statement, it wasn't-- it wasn't obviously supernatural, I wouldn't be surprised if it were a thing actors experienced, but it is not a thing that happens to me. And afterward I felt much more tired than I should have been and I had the more intense sense of being watched. And I felt very-- satisfied. Like this was a correct thing to have done. Which I think is the most terrifying of all, honestly, things should not be poking around in my head making me happy about things. It feels like the sort of thing that might be addictive."

“Right. Right, yeah. 

I... we should probably report this to artefact storage, right? So they can test them and see if they’re addictive? Or. Otherwise dangerous?”

"...the problem is that Elias told me to read the statements into the tape recorder because the previous archivist did that."

“...well, that puts an upper bound on how dangerous they could be, at least? I think?”

"...or it means that Elias told me to do something that would cause me to be mind controlled, knowing perfectly well it would cause me to be mind controlled, and didn't tell me."

“He wouldn’t do that. 

...Would he?”

"...well I don't know but I feel like I lack your touching faith in human nature."

“...I guess that’s fair. ...I could try it and see what happens? I don’t have any great solutions here. Um, sorry. Hopefully I am being helpful as a sounding board?”

"Yeah, you're great, if it weren't for you I would probably have just walked out and quit and regretted it for years."

Blushing! Stuttering! Martin is definitely smiling back but he is also very flustered and not very capable of words!

He eventually manages a coherent “...thank you.”

It is really easy to fluster Martin! Lev finds himself smiling.

"I don't think you should try it, I've already been exposed and we should probably limit the exposure to one person. I don't know what to do because-- what I want to do is to instruct everyone that under no circumstances is a non-digitizable statement to be read into a tape recorder, and possibly ban tape recorders from the premises to be on the safe side. But I feel like this would tip off Elias if he's trying to expose me to mind control without my consent. I'm not sure at all what the safest thing to do is. --And of course he might be helpful if by some chance he actually legitimately didn't know," Lev adds as an afterthought.

“Okay, so, if he is trying to mind control you, what would be the right thing to do? If you don’t want to tip him off and you also don’t want to be mind controlled? I, uh, assume you don’t want to be mind controlled?”

"...well I might want to be mind controlled. If I knew what it did and approved of it. Or if I was going to learn something really interesting from the experience."

(He was not sure if that second caveat would have existed a few hours ago but he can't regret having changed it.)

“O...kay! But we don’t know what this does, right, at least not well, so— I guess we should either be figuring out what it does or figuring out ways for you to be avoiding it without being suspicious? That—isn’t great if he’s inclined to be helpful, but if he’s not...”

"In the short term, I can just decide that tape recording the non-digitizable files isn't worth it until we hire a blind employee and hope like hell we never do. But that's not as safe as I'd like from someone deciding to do it anyway, and I really don't like having people around mind-control artifacts and not telling them. --I don't know, does Elias seem sketchy to you? You've been working here more than three days."

“Um, I don’t... know? I haven’t talked to him all that much, I mean, so, mostly just in a... professional capacity?”

"...man, you like people way too much. --I guess I shouldn't complain too much, you are putting up with me."

“...thank....you....? I think? Um, I wouldn’t call it putting up with.”

"--oh shit I didn't get baselines."

“...Baselines?”

"--it feels like my personality is different but I didn't measure it in any way! How am I supposed to know if it's a real change!"

“......you, uh, seemed pretty sure? And any way of testing it would be— doing it again, which seemed like it really freaked you out. Unless we go with the ‘telling artefact storage’ plan, but if you don’t want to tip off Elias...”

"I could self-deceive into all sorts of shit! --And if I do it a second time I could have a spotter and see what it looks like from the outside."

Martin considers this.

On the one hand, Lev was literally just worried about addiction risk.
On the other hand, Martin has the spine of a limp noodle, especially talking to his very smart and nice and handsome boss.

“....if you’re sure?”

"......man this is way less helpful if you don't call me on my shit."

“...oh. Okay. Uh. I don’t know you very well yet so I don’t know if it’s a good idea but you were worried about addiction risk? And—the statements make you more curious, that’s what they do, or—what you think they do—so, um?” His voice goes a bit fast and high-pitched, like he’s trying to get it all out at once.

"Thank you. --My guess is that probably doing it twice isn't that much more addicting than doing it once? Although I'm not sure. I'm not sure there's a rigorous study of addictiveness in drugs and there's also no reason to believe paranormal things work the way drugs do. Who knows, maybe it turns you into a statement-seeking zombie when you read the thirteenth statement and before that you're fine."

“Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense. Just— you switched very quickly from wanting to get rid of all the tape recorders to wanting to use one again, but. As long as you’ve thought it out, that’s—that’s good. And I can watch this time and stop you if you, uh, do become a statement-seeking zombie.” Weak laugh. 

...Lev thinks about this for a minute.

"No, you're right, objectively this is really weird behavior. Outside view, I should not read the statements into the tape recorder."

“I mean. Maybe? You did say you... wouldn’t mind being mind controlled if you knew what it did and was interesting? Though maybe that was also the statement talking? Either way, um, probably not right now, yeah.”

"--oh good you disagreed with me, good job."

There is a short, startled pause before Martin smiles back. “...thank you!”

"--uh sorry did I--"

“—no, no, you’re fine, it’s just, not something I get praised for very often? Usually people like it when you agree with them.”

"Why would I like it when people agree with me! Then I might be wrong and no one would tell me!"

“Because it... feels good? I guess? I... never thought of it that way, to be honest.” His face scrunches up a little when he thinks. “You’re right, though.”

"Yes. I am right and everyone else is wrong. Normally it is the other way but I'm pretty sure of this one."

Oh no he’s so cute and good. “So! Um! What’s the plan? For now, I mean. Even if it’s just... waiting a bit to see if anything else happens.”

"I think I should do my actual job, tell everyone we're not tape-recording the non-digitizable statements, take a bunch of questionnaires to establish a baseline for myself, and... probably decide later whether I should read a second statement. --The problem is that I really want to."

“This sounds like a good plan. Um, if it is in fact a good idea, presumably you’ll still really want to later?”

"........probably I'll really want to whether or not it is a good idea."

“Oh. Well. You can... decide later if it’s a good idea, then? Sorry. If it’s not, I mean.”

"Yeah. --Thanks for talking to me about this."

“You’re welcome! It’s no bother, really.”

A week and a half passes!

Lev spends about half his time at work doing things that are, by no stretch of the imagination, his job. Fortunately he also works eighty hour weeks, so it balances out. 

Lev tells everyone they're filing the non-digitizable statements and not tape recording them. He delegates Martin to discreetly "lose" any tape recorders that happen to make it into the archives. He installs a lock on the non-digitizable statements cabinet and ensures he has the only key. Lev teaches himself library science, with particular attention to things that a psychologist would do the opposite of. He studies his Safety Anki Deck; he adds notation about what practices seem to be common among non-paranormal archivists. His list of notes grows. He designs a reasonably complete battery of personality tests and takes them every day to establish his baselines. He spends a few hours every day checking whether statements are digitizable and filing them if they are. 

He tries not to worry about how suspicious he looks if Elias is, in fact, fine, and how much of his decision-making on this point is coming from Having A Weird Feeling. If Elias is a great boss, he'll understand. If Elias is merely a non-evil boss... well, Lev hopes like hell that that's not the case. 

He takes all of his employees out to lunch and checks for Weird Feelings. Once that's done, he either eats lunch at his desk or with Martin, depending on how hyperfocused he is about work. Martin causes food to mysteriously appear at his elbow and it goes into his mouth without him noticing it. When he eats lunch with Martin, Lev tells Martin about his dissertation and what he taught in his intro classes and any other social science stuff that catches his attention. It is unclear to Lev whether Martin is actually interested or merely glad that only one of them has to talk. 

Lev's gloves come, and his extremely weird habit of wearing latex gloves everywhere becomes a moderately weird habit of wearing cotton gloves everywhere. He drinks a lot of tea. He drags himself home six days out of seven so he can update his private notes, but if it were not for that he'd be sleeping at his desk as often as in his apartment.

Lev is having a great time.

In a week and a half, he gets through over fifty statements; they're mostly bottlenecked by the follow-up research, which is primarily the job of his assistants. Lots of them are entirely discredited; lots are entirely anecdotal, with no proof either way; a sizable minority are suggestive, with strange details or circumstances but nothing conclusively paranormal; only two are confirmed to be paranormal.

Six of the statements refuse to digitize, including both confirmed-real statements, three of the 'suggestive' statements, and one with no proof either way.

The first statement is by Joshua Gillespie in 1998, who was offered £10,000 to look after a package. He agreed; the package arrived a year later. It was a large wooden coffin, with the words 'DO NOT OPEN' carved into it. It was closed and locked, but the key was with it. Occasionally, there would be scratching noises from inside it; whenever it rained, there was a low moaning noise. Whenever he slept, he began sleepwalking, getting the key and walking towards the coffin; to prevent himself from opening it, he stored the key inside the freezer, where the cold would wake him up. He lived with the coffin for a year and a half, at which point the same men who had delivered it came to pick it up; their van read "Breekon and Hope Deliveries". The two delivery men were tall; other than that, he could recall no distinguishing features of them or of the man who made him the offer. There is no evidence supporting the existence of the coffin; however, Tim's research found that--despite living in a large building with eight available flats--during the two years Joshua Gillespie lived at the address given, nobody else lived in the building, and it was demolished shortly after Joshua moved out.

The second statement is by Amy Patel in 2007. While walking home from a university course with an acquaintance, Graham, she felt like she was being thrown into the street despite nobody else being on the road. She got a concussion from it, and agreed to go to Graham's flat for a few hours to recover; when she arrived, she realized that Graham's flat was across the street from her own. She began to stare at his table, which seemed hypnotic, with the pattern on it almost like an optical illusion, drawing her eyes towards the center, where there was nothing but an empty square hole. Over the next several months, she began watching Graham when they were both home, and noted strange behavior: he panicked over every noise, wrote frantically in journals that were already full, and ate all the pages of one of his journals. One night when she was doing this, she saw a monstrous figure crawl through Graham's window and called the police. A man who looked very different from Graham (several inches shorter, with curlier blond hair contrasting with Graham's straight dark hair) answered the door; the police checked his identification, and seemed satisfied. In follow-up research, all photos that were found of Graham appear to be photos of the short man with curly blond hair, except for a few polaroids which match Amy's description of her memories of Graham. One of Graham's journals was also found. It says nothing except the words "keep watching", over and over again, even on top of each other.

The third statement is by Dominic Swain in 2013, about a Leitner-owned book he temporarily had in the winter of 2012. The book was titled Ex Altiora; it gave Dominic a strange feeling of vertigo when he looked at the pictures it contained, as well as the smell of ozone. He walked randomly for several hours, feeling that "walking felt as natural as falling", until he ended up outside a bookstore, Pinhole Books, where he had previously been told he might be able to sell his book; here he encountered Mary Keay. Mary Keay was bald, very old, and painfully thin; every inch of her body seemed to be tattooed with words. Death metal music blasted from upstairs. It was at this point that he realized he had been walking until 2am. He followed Mary Keay inside, where he noticed a painting of an eye while she searched her book collection. She then pulled out a Leitner; when she passed it through shadows, animal bones dropped out of it and to the floor. Passing Ex Altiora through those shadows revealed the image of a Lichtenberg figure in the picture that caused such dizziness; it caused Dominic to think of his childhood friend, Mike Crew, who had been struck by lightning and marked with that same branching pattern, the same smell of ozone. Dominic went home with his book. Later that night, a man in a black leather coat with poorly-dyed hair introduced himself as Gerard Keay, who bought Ex Altiora and then burned it. He discovered at this time that Mary Keay had been murdered in 2008. Photos of Mary Keay matched the woman he saw, though at the time she was untattooed and had a full head of hair. Large swathes of her skin were peeled off and hung up with fishing wire; Gerard was tried for her murder but acquitted due to a lack of evidence. Tim's research with the police revealed that these pieces of skin were also written on in permanent marker.

The fourth statement is by Timothy Hodge in 2014. He picked up a girl, Harriet Lee, at a club. She was very jumpy, very quiet, and scratched a lot at her skin. At his house, she confided that she had been attacked by a woman in a red dress who moved strangely; Harriet felt as though she had been stabbed, and lost consciousness, but when she awoke she could find no trace of any injury. Since then, she was intensely nauseous and itchy, as well as having the feeling that she was being followed. Her and Timothy Hodge had sex; afterwards, Timothy felt something squirm underneath her skin, and she experienced a bout of intense pain. He was just about to call the ambulance when he heard a strange sound, like an egg breaking; he turned on the light to see a pile of flesh, covered with pale, writhing worms, and claims that immediately afterward he set fire to the flat. In followup research, it is found that the police found no evidence of arson or human remains, though they did find nonhuman organic matter. Lev's assistants reported that the Institute is aware of a woman named Jane Prentiss, a parasite-infested woman who has killed multiple people; she was wearing a red dress and in the same area as Harriet and Timothy when this statement took place.

The fifth statement is by Staff Sergeant Clarence Berry in 1922. He reports that, during his time fighting in WWI, he heard the sound of a piper playing music. He served with Wilfred Owen, who is hit by a shell and found several days later clutching the tags of a man named Joseph Rayner. Wilfred claimed to have "met the war" and described it playing pipes; he begged to remain, and it gave him a pen and told him to write its tune. After that, Clarence began to notice that some men seemed distant, listening to music that nobody else could hear, and those men would always be the ones to die. One day, suddenly, a bullet hole opened in Wilfred's forehead, and Wilfred fell dead, though he was not shot; later, Clarence discovers that Wilfred had died at the same moment the overtures of peace began. No follow-up research was able to be done, due to when the statement was given.

The sixth statement is by Ivo Lensik in 2007, about his experience working construction on a house on Hill Top Road. He saw a large dead tree in the garden, which cast strange shadows; he dismissed this until a man named Raymond Fielding entered the house. Raymond Fielding claimed to be its owner and then vanished in a fire that didn't damage anything else. Ivo fell and got a deep cut on his temple, at which point he went to the hospital; the nurse there, Annie Willet, explained that the house used to be a halfway home for teenagers with nowhere else to go. A girl named Agnes, much younger than the rest, moved in; there was speculation about her relation to Raymond Fielding. She behaved strangely while she was there, staring at people and refusing to talk, and, in 1974, several years after her appearance, many pets and one five-year-old disappeared from the neighborhood. A week later, the house burned down, and the body of Raymond Fielding was found, missing a hand. On the nurse's request, a Catholic priest (Edwin Burroughs) met up with Ivo Lensik to bless the house. While he was blessing the house, Ivo Lensik uprooted the strange tree in the garden; it bled, and beneath it was an intricately carved wooden box containing an apple, which rotted and burst with spiders as soon as it was removed from the box. The statement giver also discussed his father's schizophrenia, which manifested as an obsession with fractals and a terror of a tall man with strange hands and too many bones who was following him. The father refused medication and committed suicide. Ivo Lensik worried that his experience was also a result of psychosis, but after the incident, he has had no further symptoms and was told by his doctor that it was highly unlikely he was developing schizophrenia. There is a note in the files saying that Father Burroughs also left a statement elsewhere in the archives, though it does not say where. Martin's follow-up research discovered that, the same day Ivo Lensik uprooted the tree and Father Burroughs blessed the house, a 26-year-old woman named Agnes Montague committed suicide by hanging. A severed hand was attached to her by a chain.

(He doesn't get any strange feelings when out at lunch with any of his employees. The feeling of being watched doesn't go away; when he reads the non-digitizable statements, even just to himself, it gets the slightest bit more intense before weakening again when he finishes. He has the same sensation of getting into character, but if he's made exhausted or satisfied or curious by it, it's much fainter.)

Martin-- worries about Lev.

On the one hand, Lev is adorable, and very very smart, and when he talks through their lunches Martin is enthralled. Martin knows that he's overinvested in his boss, that his feelings aren't entirely professional. He should just... leave it.

On the other hand, Lev is working eighty-hour weeks and skipping lunch as often as he eats it and maybe planning to read another statement out loud even after it freaked him out so badly last time, and knowing that his feelings aren't professional doesn't make them go away.

In the end, he settles for a middle ground, making sure that Lev always has tea (enough milk and sugar that you can't taste it) and food (solidly mediocre) at his desk. Tim teases him for it at first, but after he blushes deeply and snaps "Shut up Tim", he stops. After a while, it's routine. He gets to work and does research and makes sure Lev has food and tea and (about half the time) eats lunch with him and (about once a week) drapes blankets over him and smiles a lot and, other than that, doesn't really mention it.

The thing is that it's 7pm, and normally Lev isn't tired at 7pm, but last night he got home from work at midnight and was up until 1am taking notes and he can barely keep his eyes open and he should go home but instead his eyes just... close...

The other thing is that, while Lev is sitting a professional distance away from Martin on the couch, the couch is not very big, and when Lev falls asleep his head manages to fall directly onto Martin's chest.  

Oh no Lev is cute and excellent and tiny and his boss and asleep on his chest.

This is too many feelings for Martin. Martin is just going to slowly reach around to hug Lev while maintaining some amount of plausible deniability in case Lev suddenly wakes up.

(If Lev doesn't move, Martin is going to stay very still for fifteen minutes and then start petting Lev's hair.)

He does not move!

When his hair is petted he makes a noise that sounds like "mmmmrmph," and another one that sounds like "warm," and another one that sounds like "love you."

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

..........Martin freezes and then tentatively starts petting Lev's hair again?

Lev appears to have no objections to this plan, being asleep. He makes a little soft happy noise.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

He really shouldn't be doing this.

However, Lev is making soft little happy noises. He can't just stop.

He can pet Lev's hair while internally screaming. This is fine.

...He's going to get tired himself eventually, but it'll take a few hours. Does Lev wake up or do anything?

Eventually Lev is going to say "mmmmmmmmasher" quietly into Martin's chest.

Well okay that's depressing. He probably shouldn't wake Lev up though.

He snuggles a bit closer instead.

Lev continues to be unconscious!

Look at his peaceful relaxed face.

Lev's face is so good.

(aaaaaaaa.)

Eventually, Martin falls asleep too, one hand still in Lev's hair and his body curled around Lev on the couch that is really not big enough for two people.

Lev wakes up being cuddled and it is comforting and good even though he totally has a crick in his neck now from falling asleep on the couch. He and Asher should really make it to the bed more often--

Wait a minute. 

"Uh, Martin?" Lev says.

Martin wakes up and immediately falls off the couch because ohgodhefellasleepcuddlinghisboss.

"--I am so sorry, uh, you fell asleep on me, and then, I didn't want to wake you up, and, uh, I guess I fell asleep too, and, I'm sorry--"

"I'm the one that should be sorry! I fell asleep on you!"

"It's fine, I mean, I'm used to you falling asleep here, you work really long hours--" He buries his head in his hands and takes several deep breaths. "Okay. So if you're sorry... and I'm sorry... then maybe we can just say that that cancels out? And we can just, not talk about this ever again and pretend it never happened?"

"I still don't understand what you're sorry about!"

“Um. Not... waking... you.... up? Falling asleep too?” He is not going to say “hugging you” or “petting your hair” or even “snuggling you while I was asleep”. He is not. 

(There’s something watching him, he can feel it— no, focus, he needs to focus—)

"You don't have to be sorry for that! I was the one who fell asleep on you! --I'm sorry, that is really incredibly unprofessional of me, I'm your boss, it's like-- kind of sexual harassment almost--"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

“No, really, it’s alright, I promise, I could’ve— I could’ve stood up, just, you looked really peaceful? And I was tired too?”

"All right, I guess we can just... never mention it again? And I will try to fall asleep on my desk."

Martin is very red as he nods frantically. He almost says “I’m really sorry,” remembers how Lev responded last time he apologized, and settles for nodding some more. 

“...Should I go. Make tea?”

"It'd probably make you feel better."

(Martin is very charming! It's too bad he's straight really.)

“Okay! Okay. I’ll just. Do that, then.” He is out of the room in absolutely record timing.

It takes him a bit longer to come back in, but when he does he has two cups of tea. “...Um. I know I was going to not say anything else but. You should probably know that, uh. You talk? In your sleep? About, um. Asher. I’m... sorry if you didn’t want to know that, it just—uh—it’d be the sort of thing I would want to know. I think.”

"I hope I didn't say anything horribly embarrassing."

“No, it was fine, really! I just. Figured you might want to know.” His skin was a normal color after getting tea but it is swiftly returning to ‘very red’.

...ack he did say something horribly embarrassing. 

Hopefully he wasn't having a sex dream or anything. It would definitely be sexual harassment to describe how big your ex-fiance's dick is to your employee even if you were unconscious at the time. 

“Um, you said... Asher’s name, mostly? And, uh, ‘warm’. And you made little... noises? Sorry if I’m. Making it worse. ...We can go back to not talking about it now if you want.”

"...that's good, I was worried it was significantly more, uh, not PG-rated."

“—Oh! Oh. No, it wasn’t— nothing like that! Oh, God, I didn’t mean to imply— no, it was. Uh. Kind of cute, honestly, nothing—no. Sorry.” Oh hey look at this tea isn’t it the most incredibly interesting thing to stare at. 

Lev is also staring into his tea. 

"...I miss him."

“Yeah. I... yeah. That. Makes sense. I’m sorry.”

...Tentative hand on Lev’s shoulder?

Tiny smile up at Martin!

"I keep thinking I should date again but. It's hard."

“...Yeah. Yeah, I— that’s really rough. I’m sorry.”

(aaaaaaaa why is Lev talking about this to him aaaaaaaa)

"Especially since I've never wanted to date anyone else really? I don't know. Maybe I'll only ever be interested in him."

“That sounds... really hard. I. Hope you can find someone eventually? But it sounds like it might— take a while. And that’s, that’s okay too. You just lost him, you know? Maybe you just need, uh, some time.”

(Shut up brain shut up you already knew you had no chance you’re his employee. And Asher was brilliant at everything.)