"I don't think I was really mad about the crying. Just about how - not just with this, with everything, there's nothing I can do, there's never the slightest way to move in any direction -"

"I've been trying to - I was afraid that honest attempts to work with you would hurt me very badly. And, uh, they did. The harder I've tried the worse I've been hurt."

"I'd trade you, you know, in a heartbeat, if anyone had ever offered."

Nod.

"I'd trade pretty much - anyone in the world."

"I know you're going through something very difficult, too. I'm not disputing that."

Sigh.

"Do you think it would be helpful if you - tried to tell me what you were thinking, too, if there's anything else?"

"I can try. 

Uh. I was feeling - hopeful. I thought probably the spells would solve it. I can't - I hate doing things, right now, I don't think I've done anything right since I found out they were dead so it feels cursed to even try to do things but - the spells are fine, right, you can only mess up so badly with the spells, and at least it wouldn't hurt you, and it wouldn't really matter if you spent the whole time thinking about how terrible this was and how you hoped it was over soon because you were too scared of me to say so, so I could pretend instead that it was all right and you loved me and you wanted to be with me. And then the spells - didn't do anything, and I couldn't even pretend that you wanted me or cared about this or were here for any reason other than that there are people who'd stop you at the door, so I told you to leave, and you acted like you were dying and I told you to stop it and you stopped it and left, presumably to go tell everyone how much you hate me, maybe to leave, I don't really actually know if anyone would stop you or how many people here work for me or how many people here are trying to have me assassinated or how all of those have sized you up, beyond 'as an obvious weak point' - 

And everything hurt but everything always hurts, I don't actually remember ever not hurting, I guess it'll be worse when I die but it feels like it couldn't possibly get worse and at least when I'm dead there's not this pretense it could be better if I were just smart enough, and I don't actually think it hurt worse but I couldn't ...do...things anymore. Didn't get up. Didn't sleep. No one came. I couldn't call them. I'd have had to talk, or move, and I didn't do that. I guess it was a couple of days? I couldn't have guessed at the time. I would've guessed less, I guess, because I'm not thirsty. Uh, anyway, Fazil came in. Tried to get me to answer some politics things. I didn't. Suggested I send for you. I figured - it'd make everything worse, again, like it always does, even when I've - but I said I wanted you. Then a while after that you came, I guess."

Nod.

"I'm sorry that - that that happened. I don't think I'm sorry for - anything that I did, with the information that I had at the time, but - I wish you didn't have to hurt.

"I think you're hurting very badly and I wish I knew how to help."

"It's not really your fault. It's really that everyone's dead and gone and I have to do this for the rest of my life, and pick whether to condemn my children to it or let the country burn, the thing where I can't have a wife is really very secondary."

"Yeah. That was - another thing the cleric of Erastil said to me, that you were probably hurting really badly because everyone was dead, and you were grieving, and I should try not to be too confident that everything you did still reflected on the person you would be when you weren't grieving. And that I should wait on making too many plans that assumed you'd always be like this.

"S'part of why I figured I'd give you another chance. I guess."

"I think I'll always be like this. Or - probably at some point I'll figure out how to get out of bed. But - the rest of it."

"All of the rest of it?"

"I mean, I got the right kind of books the second time. But - never the first time. It'll never be enough."

"I need - I dunno what exactly I need. I don't think I need you to get specific things right the first time. But - I need you to not hurt me for trying and then mock me for being hurt. I can't handle that on a regular basis. I don't think."

"I - wish I'd realized you were trying. That's - I thought that'd be enough. I thought that was all I was asking for."

"Yeah. I thought - I didn't know if I could do it all the time, but I thought if I did manage to try and make it through then that would be enough on your end, at least that one time, even if I couldn't do it all the time. And then it was - worse. A lot worse."

"I don't suppose it helps to say it  - would've been enough, if I'd understood."

"I don't - entirely know if I believe you right now but it would be very helpful if I did. I think."

Sigh. "I don't understand why you're trying. I don't think I'm good enough at - people stuff - to make trying to help me the best way to stay alive."

"I love you.

"This is probably also a tactical error of some kind but - I want to get the stupid helmet off you so you stop being pharaoh and don't go to hell."

"I don't think it'd make me any less miserable. Probably it would change the flavor, I guess, and I'd be miserable that I hurt you instead of miserable that nothing I try ever gets me anything I want."

"You'd get over it. I'd forgive you and you'd get over it. Eventually."

"They'd all still be dead."