Yes!

Mmm. 

Kissing her husband is nice as long as she imagines that they're still in the deep plane. 

She kind of wants to do something else because she thinks last time he was disappointed? But - she's not sure she trusts him enough or feels safe enough to actually enjoy any of her specific ideas instead of being afraid during them. So maybe she's still stuck on just kissing. She can try other stuff tonight.

The thing he wants is for her to suddenly realize that she belongs to him and this is a good thing and she doesn't need to cry about it and he can do whatever he likes. But this is pretty good.

"See you tonight," he says when he needs to start work.

"Mhmm. See you then."

And she can go back to her room way less upset than she was the last two times.

Zakiya around?

Yep! Cleaning.

She mills around feeling vaguely hopeful. 

"We'll hear if a cleric of Erastil shows up, there aren't other people who need to be notified - ?"

"I don't think so, you're allowed whatever guests you want as long as they're women."

"That's good. Hopefully that'll happen today then.

"...do you think you could, uh, step out for an hour before breakfast? Just today?"

"- of course."

"Thank you! - actually you should probably get me in an hour so I can go see who's still at breakfast. Does the door lock?"

"....it has a latch up high enough kids can't reach it. Not otherwise, though."

"...is there some way to signal 'don't come into this room right now'."

"I'll put something on the servant's door. It's just you and your husband who'd use the other one."

"Okay. Thank you."

And she leaves.

She curls up under her covers and imagines her husband touching her. The good version. Imagines him holding her and kissing her hair, telling her how sorry he is about all of this, telling her how much he loves her, how important she is to him, how he'd never ever hurt her. And he'd tell her how hard this is, being the pharaoh, and how she can make it easier, and ask if he could kiss her and touch her and try to bring her off. And then she'd suck him off and he'd probably cry and she'd hold him and tell him how impressed she is with him, for trying to do this, for going back to work every day even though he just wants to curl up under his covers with her forever.

She brings herself off. She tries putting her fingers inside herself, imagines trying this with Hagan. She winces. 

She stops. Hagan would. If he were himself. And then he'd hold her and kiss her until she'd recovered, and they'd talk about how to handle this, and she'd be able to help him think of things because she would know that he wouldn't do anything to her if she told him to stop.

She prestidigitates herself clean and then goes back to reading her second history book until Zakiya comes back.

She knocks a couple hours later.

"Hi! Thanks so much."

"Of course! Everyone's done with breakfast so I brought some."

"Oh, thanks. Uh, do you know if the widows have resolved their confusion over whether they can leave? The Pharaoh said that they can't remarry until their husbands have been dead for ten months, but if they're "adequately supervised", whatever that works out to, they can go. And it occurred to me that I hadn't actually let them know this, so."

"I don't think they know that. Do you want to tell them tomorrow or do you want me to pass it along?"

"If you can pass it along now that'd be great, thanks."

"All right." She heads out to do that.

She eats her breakfast and reads depressing Osirian history stuff.

Ancient pharaohs did a lot of evil, stupid, and entertainingly ill-advised things. One of them invited an evil god from Abaddon to come live in a palace he built for him in the desert and help him with a war. He lost the war anyway but now there's a enormous palace that's a gate to Abaddon in the desert, so that's cool.