She doesn't really know what's gonna happen. If he tries to have sex with her then she can tell him to stop. She can. She will. But she should wait until he does, she should look as reasonable as possible, she should - she can't think - 

She's just gonna lie here and tremble and focus on trying not to feel sick and trying not to stop paying attention to what happens to her so that she can tell him to stop if anything gets - less okay than this -

Snuggle snuggle. 

"Once we fix the thing where I can't cast half my new spell list there's some nice stuff on there."

She is not super processing words right now? Should have cast the stupid spell, needs to find a way to cast the spell before bed next time without him noticing -

"Mmm."

"Love you."

"Mhm."

He was aware that she didn't love him and doesn't think people ought to expect women to love them but that still stings, a bit. 

Probably she is not lying to him because she believes that's what he'd want. It is what he wants, he doesn't want her to be fake and insincere. 

He rolls over on top of her and kisses her more because it's sort of like her loving him.

AAAAAAAAAAA.

" - please don't - "

" - hmm?"

Can't think can't think can't think can't -

She murmurs her spell.

That's a reasonable thing to do. He waits.

Okay. Okay. Breathe a normal amount. Everything is terrifying but - okay.

"Can we - can we not do this tonight - "

"I was gonna give you the two weeks. I just -" Sigh. "It's a little bit difficult, see, having a wife who wants nothing to do with you."

"I don't want nothing to do with you, but I need - this is not a good way to do this."

"Fine. What's a good way to do this."

"I don't - I'm sorry, I'm still having a hard time thinking - "

He rolls off of her onto the bed. Stares at the stupid map. It's inaccurate about a place in the Dragon Kingdoms. Something he knows more about than Khemet, isn't that funny.

She focuses on breathing normally. She can't manage it at first, but over the course of the next minute she gets closer. 

"I'm sorry."

"I accept your apology."

"I don't want to be afraid of this."

"I don't want you to be afraid of me. I don't want to hurt you."

Nodnod.

"I don't think I can do this without being afraid if it's not - if we haven't done the work to make me trust you again, and we haven't - gotten it back to being something that exists for both of us, and where it's - okay to talk about things. And okay to stop."

"Well, like I said, I was going to give you the two weeks. And see if there's magic that helps with the pain you were experiencing, obviously. But - I really want you to work on this. It's really important to me."

"I'm fine with working on this, I'm just - lying here trying not to panic and not giving you information would not be working on this."

"-okay." Patpatpat. "I know you're trying."

Focusing on breathing normally.

"Okay.

"I don't want to do anything - really hard to fix. On top of everything else."