" - yeah. That would - I'd like that. Although I think maybe ninety percent of what I'm looking for is just to hear it, I'm not sure - I'm not used to people - picking me, I guess, over anything else - "

"I want you. I - accept responsibility, for having been the kind of person before who would've slept with slaves if I'd happened to like any, and I understand why someone'd want something different than that, but it was bad and I hate it and I will never choose it over a marriage to someone I love."

Nodnod. Snuggle. "Okay.

"I want you to stay with me. And I'd want to - be your equal. Be your wife. I think. If you think you want to take care of me."

"I know I do."

"Good. Still kind of confused about that one, but - good."

"What're you confused about?"

"Why you'd care about me, I guess. I realize you've explained this already, 's just - hard to believe."

"I wondered for a while if it was just that men can't be around women without falling in love with them, which would be - I mean, I wouldn't be less in love but it wouldn't speak very well to whether we should marry I guess. But I don't think that's it at all. Mahdi and Fazil are not in love with you and also I would not be in love with you if you weren't excellent."

"Pff. In what sense am I excellent?"

"The way you treat people. The way you think about stuff."

"Never particularly struck myself as excellent.

"It's kind of - weird hearing you say you figured people fell in love all the time. I think for a while I kind of figured almost no one did."

"I mean, I didn't have a lotta reason to think that, just we started travelling with you and then I started having feelings about you and I hadn't been friends with a woman before since - so I didn't have very much data to work with."

"Ah. I guess that makes sense. I kind of figured - lots of people like each other, right, obviously, but I could never really work out how many of them were - the kind of in love that people are in old stories, the kind where you make sacrifices for other people. Not to help yourself, just for them."

"I think even normal not-very-special Osirian marriages are that. At least I hope so."

"Maybe they are. I don't hang out in married people's houses much. And I have no idea how something like that varies across nations."

"I dunno either. The palace is all built around - not getting to make any sacrifices. Except for living in it in the first place."

"Sounds - I don't know what word I'm looking for. Stunting."

"I dunno either. But I really hated it."

Nodnod. Hug.

"Feel - sort of horrible and stupid, second-guessing whether you care all the time, but I guess maybe if you grow up having the sense that it doesn't really happen to people, then - I dunno. Maybe it would take a while to shake."

"Doesn't seem horrible or stupid to me. I'm not - in a hurry, exactly. Mostly."

"Yeah. I know.

"I keep - I know you're trying to be considerate, and stuff, with the not getting your feelings everywhere, and I'm trying to appreciate it, but it's - " sigh. "I don't wanna complain, I shouldn't - or maybe I should want things, I don't know, I don't actually have models of - which things people are supposed to want when they're not dutifully grinding all of their desires into dust."

"I dunno that it matters what people are supposed to want but I think you should want things. Wanting things is important."

"Okay, possibly people in most places want lots of things all the time, I guess that's plausible, but I also don't know - which wants you're supposed to - I dunno, discuss in polite society. And which ones are just - better to not."

"Well, luckily this isn't polite society."

"I guess not. Although we do seem to apologize for talking about wanting things."