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Morty is, predictably, having an attack of Diedrick’s. If you asked his schoolmates they’d probably say he does nothing else, but honestly it isn’t even that much of the time, it’s just the only times anything interesting happens to him.
Anyway, his latest cardboard box is raring to go. He hits the button and it explodes immediately. When the smoke clears, though, someone’s standing there.
“That came out wrong - everybody’s kinda weird, this is Whateley, but the Poe kids are a little more insular, they’ve got way more of a cottage culture than everybody else. It’s probably a really nice place if you’re part of it, it’s just a little weird from the outside.”
"No, there's Melville too. And Hawthorne, but they weren't gonna put you in Hawthorne, that's for kids who need really major accommodations. It was probably a coin toss between Melville and Poe."
“I really shouldn’t have said the Poe kids’re weird, it's unfair, they’re super nice. The Melville kids... the stereotype is that they’re kind of snobby and they think their cottage is better than everybody else’s? That’s where they put a lot of the rich alumni’s kids. People say they have a hot tub, but I feel like that can’t be right.”
"It's like a heated bath sized for several people. They're kind of a weird concept and a little bit, uh, sexualized? Which is why I don't think they actually have one, I think it's just a weird rumor."
Morty blushes. "Well, I wish you luck on this daring quest."
They arrive at Poe. Morty knocks on the door.
It's opened by an unreasonably tall man apparently in his thirties, who beams at them. "Morty! And you must be Kaede. Great to meet you; are you here to get settled in?"
"I do, don't I. I'm Mr. Dresden, I teach Mystic Arts and I'm the Housefather of Poe. That means I'm in charge of roommate assignments, student discipline and morale, and fixing things when somebody inevitably breaks them. Speaking of which, Morty, I'll show Kaede around the cottage, you should go get dinner."
"Hey!" Morty laughs. "Okay, okay. Kaede, it was really nice to meet you - uh, maybe we can hang out again after you've settled in?"
"Alright. Now I'll show you around and explain the whole Poe Cottage, uh, situation." He starts walking. There's a plaster bust of Edgar Allan Poe in an alcove by the entrance, and a large common room, past it, and a stairway leading both up and down. The common room contains sofas, chairs, a large TV, and several enclosed desks. "Like Mrs. Carson said during your meeting, Poe is the dormitory for students who don't happen to be both straight and content with their assigned sex. The historical reasons for its existence are now almost obsolete - there's less danger now of bullying than there was when I went to school, much less, and most people you meet will accept anyone for who they are. But most people doesn't mean everyone. This is why Poe Cottage's status is, while not the best-kept secret in the world, still a secret. Officially, Poe is just another dormitory. You don't have to stay in the closet - in fact I encourage you to be open with whoever you like - but don't out everybody else. Make sense so far?"
"Yeah, we get kind of a reputation - it's hard to keep a secret without feeling a little closer to everybody else who's keeping it, plus there's a lot of solidarity when everybody's got something in common. Now, on to the tour proper!"
Mr. Dresden shows her the basement first; it contains a weight room, a laundry room, and a couple of utility closets. "The laundry machines are designed to be easy to use - you just put your clothes in the front and turn the dial, the machines have their own detergent and everything but if you have some objection to the default detergent you can buy your own at the store and put it in here. The machines in the weight room have instructions on them, but I'd still recommend you get a spotter who knows the equipment your first couple of times in there."
"I keep being surprised by how many—things—you guys have turned into, like... services? Here?"
"Exercising! You know, you have machines that specifically help you with it and have instructions on how to use and I'm betting they're also more efficient at it than whatever equivalent we have at home. And, you know, there's lots of things here where clearly someone went 'hey the way we do this is boring, terrible, and inefficient, how about I make it extremely easy and efficient instead' and then did it."
"Oh! Yeah, absolutely, science is one long story of taking boring and inefficient things and making them quick and easy instead. It's not the only reason for human advancement, but it's a big one."
He then ushers her up to the second floor, showing her to a room by the stairs. "The bathroom on the left side of the hall is for girls, and the bathroom on the right side is for boys; you can use whichever feels most comfortable for you on a given day. And this is going to be your dorm room. You're going to be rooming with Alex Kimball, who is also genderfluid. They're a lot of fun, I'm sure you two will get along."
He knocks on the door. It's opened by a person of indeterminate gender with short black hair and black lipstick, who grins toothily when they see Kaede. "New roomie! Now, are we going to go for a hug, kiss on the cheek, firm handshake? I'm wide open."
Kaede blinks, then giggles. "Not sure what's culturally appropriate," she says, but moves in for a hug.
“Hugs are always culturally appropriate,” Alex says firmly, hugging Kaede back.
“No they’re not,” Mr. Dresden says.
“Okay, that is in fact untrue,” Alex admits. “You shouldn’t hug people who you don’t know particularly well, unless they’ve said it’s okay. But it’s always okay with me. Hugs are great.”
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