"And then there's makeup, which most people just use to try to make themselves look as cosmetically flawless as Elves do by default but some people get fancy, I'm actually really surprised you don't have this as a thing you decorate everything -"

"I will find someone who seems likely to be a trendsetting sort and tell them that we're missing out."

"That'll be fun."

"Probably."

"And then Elves can use the internet for purposes other than 'be horrified'."

"Cosmetic inspiration. They'll like that. If you have preferences about how everyone else looks now would be the time to sneak in your favored styles."

"I don't think Elves are particularly likely to fall prey to any indefensible aesthetic disasters in the pigmentation department."

"It would be out of character."

"So much so!"

"The Valar'll probably be happier about the portal if it's leading to artistic innovation."

"Valar are arty types too? I wasn't actually aware of that."

"Their tastes are innately a bit strange to us, but yes. That's - part of the problem, really, they see Valinor as a work of theirs -"

"...oh dear. And people are much more awkward to garden than orchids. Do let's avoid having them get creatively proprietary over Earth..."

"Yup."

"They don't feel this way about Endorë?"

"No. They asked the Elves if they wanted to come live under their jurisdiction and the ones who said no they ignore entirely, except, like, stopping Melkor when that was relevant."

"Yaaaay stopping Melkor."

"Best call they ever made. If, you know, fairly obvious."

"A bit. And keeping her is apparently a little less obvious..."

"To be fair, are there any crimes for which Earth courts would impose a sentence longer than three thousand years?"

"Does the death penalty count?"

"Honestly seems kinder to me but I probably take near-isolation worse than most humans and by definition take imprisonment worse than any of them."

"Yeah. Is the death penalty for Melkor actually impossible?"

"Yeah. Valar can't be destroyed, at least not by our magic."

"Could try ours."