Nov 27, 2020 8:40 AM
Eclipse Bell in Arda
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Yeah. I really want her to be okay.

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She's good at that at least in theory.

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Yeah, I know. Most people I'd just be lying to, at this point.

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She said you were creepily good at that.

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Yeah continue not doing that to her.

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She said you said you remembered loving her, the fuck was up with that.

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Look, you can either have 'don't lie to her' or 'don't make her miserable', you do not get both because I do not have emotions or expectations that my actions affect anyone or that options presented to me are genuine and to the extent that I want anything it's to fall asleep and never ever wake up.

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You could've said something else, it wouldn't've had to be a lie.

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Yup, I could have spent the next decade on steadily more creative dances around the fact that the majority of my memories of her are Maira and I don't know if she is too and I wish she didn't love me because then it'd be easier to call it quits.

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She's kind of figured that all out, just seemed especially fucked up by the one thing.

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Like...

It's one thing if you aren't sure she's her, she can cope with that, but if you loved her and then you stopped she figures she must've fucked something up somewhere in there and you're not even, like, letting her beat herself up about not happening to have been precogging when you disappeared or anything like that so it'd have to be something less stupid than that? It's not like you're a human and she can figure you just got bored eventually.

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I just broke eventually. It's nothing she did at all.

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Also bad!

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She was trying to hold you together and it didn't work and this also means she fucked up, in her head.

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So? You're a pair, there.

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I just wish I'd never met her and she didn't have to blame herself for anything.

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That won't go over well either.

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I know. Haven't said it. 

 

 

I'll - fix it somehow, next time we talk -

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I'd settle for you not saying it again.

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