"Depends on the nature of the horrible, I guess. I wasn't tempted to let Maira do it for me even on the assumption she was on the level about offering but if it were - I don't know what might be plausible, but some little thing."

"I don't care what you do with me. If you want me alive you should probably have a plan to do something."

"I'm thinking. Your father suggested I figure out something to keep you unconscious..."

"That would be nice."

"Yeah. I guess I wouldn't even have to really wake you up to consult you if I had an idea..."

"You have permission to counterfactually do anything you want if you keep me unconscious."

"I'll work on that until and unless I think of something better, then."

"Okay."

I love you.

I remember loving you.

Ow.

Isabella has finished her dessert. She gathers up the plates.

She stares at the floor.

Isabella goes.

And she curls up and tries to iron the nightmares out of her head. She's had a lot of practice at this, she knows how far she'll get today, but she can't skip it. She's not even sure it's getting faster with practice.

Alex shows up. He hugs his sister a lot. He comes along when Isabella brings Maitimë dinner the next day.

"Hi."

"Hi. Was there unauthorized use of my likeness too, I just wanna know if I should expect you to be more than background trauma-y about me."

"No. Didn't know you well enough, don't think."

"Okay. I can play messenger or whatever if that's useful."

"- do you want an explanation of what's going on, or will it be upsetting -"

"Isabella gave me a rundown, might be gappy." What with all the parts where she started crying.

"I - sort of just puppet myself from a lot of distance? I can try closing the gap but it hurts a lot and I'm less and less functional the more I try to be present. I mostly don't feel anything which is good because all the stuff I remember feeling is unimaginably painful or creatively tainted. Random things set me off and they're everywhere and it typically takes me a couple of Years to iron them down to the point where I can override the spirals they throw me into and then they merely suck a lot. And I want her to be okay but I don't want to do this forever."

"Jesus. Uh, on a maybe happier note Bella had me pick up the complete works of Jules Verne on my way here? Is that happier or do you have Jules Verne spirals."

(Isabella squeezes his hand.)

"Sounds lovely."