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Nov 17, 2019 5:08 PM
in which karen teller saves expat fairy celegorm from zombies
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"Obey her," he says to his son. "You can return home when your debt is repaid."

 

And he leaves.

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"I would've taken the money," he says.

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What???????

 

"....what just happened?"

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"Well, you saved my life, and then you refused to accept a substitute for my service as payment, so now here we are."

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"I don't want payment!"

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"...well, you could kill me, and then it'd be like you never saved me in the first place?"

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"Okay, well, what can we do that isn't horrible and stupid and illegal?"

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"You could let me in and tell me to do stuff until we're even like a normal person."

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"That's not what normal people do! Normal people who save their coworkers from workplace hazards get told 'wow, I don't know how I can ever thank you', and then they say 'it's cool, anybody would have done the same thing', and then they go file OSHA violations or something because they're not so desperate for work that they still think their job is a good deal even when it involves literal zombies. I don't know what you're doing, over there, but whatever it is it's not normal."

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"Fine! But it's the only thing that's going to solve this problem here so you'd better do it unless I guess you want me to sleep on your porch forever!"

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She rolls her eyes.

"What do I have to tell you to do."

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"I don't know, what stuff do you want someone to do?"

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"I dunno? I have homework, but I gotta do that. I already made breakfast. Don't have any dishes anymore because my nephew did them. All the furniture is scratched up but we can't really fix that without money, and it'd just get wrecked again anyway until we figure out how to get her to stop... teething.

"You could... take out the trash, I guess?"

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"Okay? - oh, you also get my money. I don't have that much of it - well, I guess you know exactly what I make - but it's yours now."

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"Seriously?"

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"Yes."

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"That just seems, like, really - I guess if you were staying here we could call it rent, but I don't actually want you to stay here, that's - really weird."

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"My understanding was that sleeping on the porch is also really weird but obviously it's your call."

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" - your parents are literally not going to let you come home until you've done whatever it is they need you to do? Isn't that illegal?"

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"Maybe? I don't really know much about the law."

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"Well, unfortunately I can't call the police on them for you, because then there would be an investigation, and - man, I don't know if I'm even allowed to have boys over overnight - ?"

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"Oh, for God's sake, Kare, you are so," says the closet.

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" - would you just shut up? Okay? For ten minutes?"

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"Nah," says the ghost, wafting through the door at this second. "I mean, like, yeah, if you had, like, normal friends over? But as far as I can tell this whole thing is on my side of the weirdness line."

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"- hi. Are you Karen's mother?"

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