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Nov 17, 2019 5:03 PM
A Serg makes an ill-advised deal for power
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Jenna is SO GOOD and Happy Jenna is the BEST and he wraps his arms around her and squeezes and holds her and cuddles her and kisses her forehead and beams delightedly. "Making you happy is the best thing."

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"Well I like it too." she says, grinning, only a little sheepish embarrassed at the moment but feeling the flush around her cheeks again and before her delighted burst of confidence leaves her she leans over and kisses him back. But on the lips. And wiggles a little and sighs and kisses him again and kissing him is so good and she puts all of the awful things about him and about what's going on out of her mind with a shove and lets herself just bask and enjoy the moment, giddy and gleeful and happy and content in his arms. (And also he's hot and kissing him is hot.) 

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Mmmmmmkisses. Was he having a thought of some sort? Now he is having kisses instead. Jenna Jenna Jenna she's so good and kissable and Jenna and good.

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Jenna's thoughts are pretty close to his thoughts at this point just the other way around because she has a Sean and he's cute and he's kissing her back and he's hot and she likes feeling his arms on her and feeling her own hands on him and even while before she wanted to have some fun of a certain kind right now she still remembers in the back of her head that they had other things to do soon and is more than happy to just keep it to kisses. Delightful, delighted happy kisses. And maybe some bouncing giddy giggling wiggles and squeezes and she has a Sean and this is so very good. 

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Her wiggles are the BEST WIGGLES. The very best wiggles there ever were. He must snuggle her about them. Also kiss her. Definitely also kiss her.

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Kisses and wiggles! Wiggles and kisses! And also snuggles and also more kisses! His arms feel good around her and she snuggles him back and feels sweet and happy and loved and content and the world might be complicated and confusing and full of homework and terror and people who make people into whatever Dani got turned into but right now it also contains a Sean and this is very good. She picks up her mouth for a moment to grin at him and bounce and then kisses his arm for a change because his muscles feel nice under her lips. And her hands. And then she giggles and rests her head on his chest and grins up at him. How did she find such a sweet and delightful boy who is so sweet and wonderful to her? She's so happy. (As long as she ignores a number of complicating factors which she is.) Sean is good and she's happy so there.  

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Eeeeeeeeeee.

"So good when you're happy." He cuddles her and pets her and kisses her forehead and cuddles her some more. "So so so good. The best. You're so—cute and good and—huggable and kissable and pretty and bouncy and sweet—'s really good."

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Jenna giggles and kisses him again and then bounces and kisses him some more. Because she can and she wants to and he likes her he liiiiikes her. He likes her being happy and this is so good because it also makes her like him being happy and they're both happy and this is so very good. "You're good when you're happy!" she says and sticks out her tongue at him and giggles and blushes and doesn't care that she's blushing and kisses him again. "You're cute and smiling so brightly and you have really good kisses and have a magical squishy cuddle couch and you're very cuddly on it." She giggles a little at how silly she's being and rests her head on his chest. "I'm glad you like me happy. I like being happy a lot." And she likes him a lot. A lot a lot a lot a lot a lot. A lot. 

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"You being happy is so good!!!" Snuggle snuggle kiss. "Makes me smile cause it's good. And cause you're cute. And cause I get to cuddle you. And kiss you. And. I like you. You're good."

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Jenna is very happy and eager and more or less happy to grin and enjoy his words and lie on his chest and kiss him and be kissed back and relax and bask in his cuteness and hotness and glee and occasionally (or more than occasionally) fantasize about a little bit more which they're sadly not going to do tonight but it's very nice to fantasize. Eventually they need to go dancing and they should not do anything else besides this but right now cuddling like this is making them very happy and this makes her, well, very happy. 

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Yes. Good. Very very good.

Eventually he sighs and sits up and kisses her and says, "I should probably, like, put you back."

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Jenna twists her face in an annoyed expression, and sits up as well. "Yeah," she says, not wanting to let go of this but knowing that there isn't any way to sensibly do so, at least until next time. And next time should hopefully be soon. "We should do something this weekend, please, I expect I'll want to. I want to do more with you, please, with all my memories." She kisses him again, and sighs. There isn't anything else she can think of to say, not that she can't say later. Normally she'd think of things as soon as they stopped, but well. "I think I'm ready." 

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"Yeah. Okay. Yeah."

He hugs her. And brings her to the front of the car, and folds the cuddle closet away, and—

 

—goes one level deeper. To the Jenna who knows everything.

"Hi. We don't have a ton of time but—I wanted you to know I wasn't leaving you behind, I guess. And that I'm still sorry."

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Once again, Jenna feels a moment of disorientation as more memories are, well, returned to her.

 

 

And then she pulls away and shudders, keeping herself as far away from him as possible. From the asshole. Even though the part of her that knows some things but not everything has been coming to terms with that and doing a good job of coming to terms with it which is what she wanted in the first place it still isn't nearly enough. Not nearly enough at all at all at all at all and Jenna can feel the tears running down her face in remembered pain and horror and she shudders, curled up in a corner, as far away from him as she can get for the moment.

But still she's (or some version of her with fewer memories, important memories) making some amount of progress in coming to terms with this, with his horrible vile sadistic and awful actions which as she thought are so much more forgivable and excusable when she's never actually been a target of them. Or doesn't remember being a target of them, some of the memories are confusing when mixed together and its hard to follow the threads. And this is what she wanted, what she wants to make progress on she wants to have access to magic and learn about things and have a wonderful and temporary (and fuck she was going to have to deal with that wasn't she, fuck) boyfriend and have the wonderful idyllic happy carefree life she wanted back. And slowly, in pieces, give herself over to someone who was her but without a few key important horrible memories who would forgive him and learn to care about him so that she can heal. And that's just what's happening, and it's sick and horrible and makes her want to hurl that she might ever forgive him for any of this but it's what is happening, even if slowly, so very very very slowly and might never never finish but at least this is better. A little better.

And they don't have enough time for her to sob in a corner remembering all the horror that has been done to her, the pain and anguish and violation and trauma and horror and everything, they don't have time, and that's ok because the other Jennas are so much happier and this one hardly wants to exist. Some part of her wants to just tell him to get rid of her forever, let it be not even a bad dream, but that's not right, not right at all, he deserves pain and suffering and to make up for every bit of pain he caused her. And given what might have almost happened, she needs to make sure that her extra knowledge gives her the final say, when she needs to. Even if her existence, compared to the others, is so very utterly full of pain and suffering, she still has to go on existing, remembering every fucking second, and making sure to keep the asshole honest. As honest as she can.

"Yeah," she says finally, through the tears running down her face. "I guess you are. Or seem to be." She looks up at him, then grimaces and turns away. "Don't you dare let her, me, us, give ourselves to you like that. You can do whatever you fucking want, you, you asshole. But. Please, the final decision should be in full knowledge of everything, or else you violate your stupid ideals and concepts or whatever the fuck they are. So please don't let me do that, that... thing, no matter what my reasons, without... well you know."

She pauses for a couple more seconds, but before he can have a chance to respond, she opens her mouth again. "And, and yeah. A road trip would be really good. She, we, I need some time, to, to process, everything, and the only way to get it, with your stupid rules, is like that. So, that idea she has. Had. Something. Is better than she knows." Jenna curls up into a ball again, crying, awaiting his response, wanting to make sure it was acceptable so she could go back to forgetting again. Or not existing. It was hard to tell the difference. And she really didn't fucking care.

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"Yeah," he says softly. "Not gonna make you mine without asking you. I won't, I promise I won't, I—couldn't. And—yeah, I'll try for the road trip. Or anything else I can think of to give you more time."

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"Thank you," Jenna says, instinctively as a trained remembered normal response, a friendly generous giving one that people who aren't sick assholes deserve and she regrets it but she lets it stand. There's so little point in trying to argue over whether or not he deserves her thanks or anything from her at all, she's already given him so very much more of him than he deserves. She wants to stop remembering things now, remembering things hurts, hurts so much worse than it did before when there was only her but now all the pain is back and everything she thought was a lie again and its so confusing to try and keep straight and she doesn't want to have to. It hurts, existing like this. "That's all I wanted to say. You can make me forget again now. Please." She bites her tongue at the please, a tinge of regret once more at giving him pleasantries he didn't deserve but none of that really fucking matters. She closes her eyes, steeling herself to forget.

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He nods, and makes her sleep.

Okay. He is gonna give himself... thirty seconds to be miserable, and then it's time to remember what happiness feels like and...

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...rewind back into cuddle time.

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Jenna relaxes, resting on him and doing the best to quiet the tiny of edge of frustration that still persists. There isn't anything she can think of that she did wrong maybe the issue is at his end and he doesn't want to talk about it or something (but if they're dating he should talk to her about it that's how it works right?) and she should let it go for now even if last time was so spectacular and magical and she wants it again, she wants to feel his hands on her body and his body strong and powerful and sure pressing against hers and, and all of that, all of that wonderful incredible (and hot, and arousing) sensation. But that doesn't seem to be happening now and so she stays relaxed into his wonderful strong chest, softly resting and dozing, pushing her worried feelings aside and letting herself relax and rest and enjoy this because even without other things it still is rather enjoyable. Really really enjoyable. He's still the same hot and cute and sexy boy that she cannot. Stop. Fantasizing about. And should really stop for the moment, and keep relaxing, content and happy. 

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Snuggles and petting and more snuggles. Warm cozy affectionate sleepy snuggles.

(There's definitely a hint of something there, he can feel it in the way she moves, but it's subtle enough that he isn't sure asking after it makes sense as a response. So: cuddles. Maybe slightly pensive cuddles.)

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Jenna finally manages to let go of her desires for more, not quite adept enough to fully notice the pensiveness of his snuggles and full of desire to just let it go anyways, and just relaxes into him, becoming more and more restful and happy the tiny desire and small amount of simmering frustration fading as she enjoys his very very comfortable and strong arms and chest and body and everything. She could fall asleep here, if she wanted. Which she might want. She also wants to go dancing though but checking the time would require moving so that she could see and she doesn't want to do that just yet she'd much rather be here in his arms (and missing the lesson wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, not when she was doing this instead). 

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