"Okay. I apologize in advance for... what the inside of my head is like and everything I've done in the past week."
Deep breath, a brief eyeglow, and—
It all started last weekend, when a creepy stranger walked into his apartment to offer him immense magical power in exchange for an unspecified favour at an unspecified future date, with a twenty-four hour free trial.
He didn't believe the guy at first, of course. Got kind of pissed off about it. But the power he described sounded very convenient: complete power over everything he owns and everything that's in territory he owns. He took it, and verified it by changing his body (which is of course his) into its ideal form—mostly just making himself about six inches taller.
Unfortunately, that apartment doesn't belong to him; his only territory is his car.
So (and even though he's trying to tell this story in order, the memory is still coloured with a deep and painful regret) he went hunting.
He's trying to explain the story, not just tell it, so he makes a point of clearly recalling the thrill he felt. It hurts to think about. He does it anyway. Hurting people is fun and power feels good and—then he could just take away her memory, like it never happened—and after Jenna there was Evelyn, and then he called it a night—
Then the orientation meeting—
—and here he slows down, focuses more on the details of the memory, because this is the first time he saw Karen, and he wants to be sure to get it right. He doesn't want to make anything sound worse than it was; he also doesn't want to make anything sound better. He wants to give her the truth. The real truth, the whole truth, all the truth she can stand, the truth even when it hurts him, the truth even if she hates him for it. That's what's important here, above anything else, and he is fiercely determined to see it through.
He remembers:
In his first glance around the room, he mostly didn't see details; he only got the exciting impression of a lot of different people all together, and he wanted to own them all, he was giddy with it, but even if he was going to try to take them all he'd have to pick one to move in on first, so he summoned a little focus and took a closer look.
The first person he saw clearly was Karen; and the first thing he saw about her was the social dynamic of the conversation she was having, or trying not to have, with those two boys. In that very first moment, he had no opinions of his own at all, no conclusions, no temptations or judgments; he was the flash of insight, the immediate comprehension of what she was feeling and why, the understanding of this moment in her life, of what it was like to be her right then...
...and, following on fluidly from that, the understanding of how he could help.
He doesn't know if what he felt in that moment was an impulse to help her or only an instinctive understanding of how. He's not sure how to tell the difference; he's not sure there even is one. He didn't really... know how to care about people, back then; the immediate urge to help her was a new kind of thing to feel, for him, and he would've thought it was strange if he'd stopped to think about it at all. But he didn't.
No, his next thought was a vague fleeting sketch of a future, a projection of where his interaction with her might go from there—be helpful, keep being helpful, get her in his car and then—he didn't even get as far as properly imagining torturing her before he realized he couldn't possibly do that, not after the way he was planning for them to meet. To have their first interaction be him deflecting unwanted sexual attention away from her, and then to follow that up by raping her later? He couldn't stand to make a liar of himself like that.
His thoughts turned down other paths, since the predatory one was blocked before it even began: could he make friends with her? (Was 'making friends' even a thing he was capable of?) And if he did make friends with her, could he still try to own her without betraying the implicit promise of the rescue? Maybe. If he did it as a friend, without tricks or coercion, as impossible as that sounds. Even that comparatively innocent ulterior motive felt a little iffy, but it was at least thinkable, in a way that anything more violent than that really wasn't. But in a room otherwise full of potential prey she was now the only person he couldn't think of that way, and he was still very much in a predatory mood, so he tucked the thought of approaching her away in the back of his mind and moved on.
(It does hurt, to recall wanting to hurt her. Even though he recognized almost immediately that if he was going to go near her at all it would have to be with genuine friendliness, just remembering that he considered doing otherwise is painful. And—it doesn't matter, really, that he only thought it for a moment, that he never made a serious plan to that end—he's still showing her that he considered raping and torturing her, and all by itself that's a damn good reason for her to feel betrayed. It's not like he refrained for any noble reasons, either; it was the dishonesty of hurting her that made him sick, not any thought of her well-being for its own sake. That's not an excuse. There is no excuse. The things he does to people, the way he thinks about people, are impossible to justify by any reasonable standard. She could decide he's a monster right now, the way everyone always seems to, and she'd be right.)
Anyway, he looked over the rest of them, picked Valerie as the obvious target because she looked easiest to talk into his car, started walking—and reconsidered almost immediately when he realized that he could talk Valerie into his car anytime he liked but if he wanted to rescue Karen he had to do it right then. The longer he delayed, the weirder it would look for him to belatedly intervene.
So—before he could approach her, he had to make sure of two things. The first was whether he could, in fact, stick to that implicit commitment. He'd definitely noticed that she was hot; if he made friends with her, she'd end up in his car at some point even if he wasn't deliberately angling for it; once she was in there, there would be absolutely nothing stopping him from raping her except his own will, and that temptation was not one he had much experience resisting.
He decided he could do it, after he'd thought about it a little. If it ever got too tempting, he reasoned, he could just remind himself how viscerally upsetting it would be to so thoroughly make himself a liar.
(And now here he is, and he has literally not even once thought of raping her since that point; turns out he's even better at this than he expected. But then, at the time he'd never cared about anyone before; he couldn't conceive of the possibility that he might regret hurting someone for a reason other than his drive to honesty.)
The second and maybe more important question, though, was whether he still wanted to make friends even with all forms of major harm completely off the table. And... he looked at her again, saw her again, felt her feelings again, experienced that instinctive understanding of how to help her again; and he reminded himself that one friendly favour did not create an unbounded obligation, that if making friends with her turned out to be a drain he could just stop; and he considered the fact that he might very well never have a better opportunity to try convincing someone to belong to him using only nonviolent methods, because if he did this he'd be closing off the possibility of ever using violent ones, and at the same time giving her a good reason to think well of him right from the start...
And he went for it.
He slid into the shift in perspective that he'd used a few times before, the persona he'd nicknamed Helpful Sean, and he let the drive of social instinct pull him through the process of separating her from those two boys. It surprised him how easy it was to just—be Helpful, to inhabit that perspective so completely that his usual predatory mindset didn't colour his thoughts at all. It's not that he forgot she was attractive; it just didn't seem important. The important things about here were all in social perception, not physical: her tone, her posture, her expression, the things that showed him glimpses of her feelings. And even those he saw in a new light, a friendly helpful light, a perspective where comfort and happiness are good and fear is bad.
Talking to her like that was good, too. He liked it. He wasn't sure he was much good at it, but he liked it. She was nice, and she seemed to like talking to him even given his clumsy grasp of the concept of small talk, and he was genuinely impressed by her description of the ways she likes to think.
...Valerie, on the other hand, was almost physically painful to interact with. Everything about her just dripped fakeness. He's lucky she asked him to dinner or he's not sure he would've been able to force himself to make any kind of overture. He was also definitely planning to torture her into becoming his magical slave, and not regretting it even slightly, and honestly still doesn't, but he'll get to that—
The man with the magic called, asking for his decision on whether to make this bargain permanent. He said yes. There was no possible way he was ever going to say anything other than yes.
And then he had a date with Valerie, and as soon as she stepped into his car he made her unable to lie—he hadn't thought of mind-reading yet—and told her what was up, and asked her to swear to be his slave. She tried to bargain with him, but she was so incredibly bad at guessing what he might want and how his interests might be served by letting her keep her freedom, he got fed up pretty fast—particularly after she insulted Karen (and here he remembers telling her that Karen was worth ten of her, and meaning it).
So he moved right along to the torture.
Honestly he's pretty sure it wasn't the torture that broke her, either—it was seeing his perspective, when he showed it to her with magic. She swore herself to him immediately, after that, and he fucked her face just to let off a little steam, and for some fucking reason (he is by this point furious with the magic over this, though he was fine with it at the time) that's what finally triggered the magic to make her properly his. He wasn't expecting the tattoo, or the bonus mind control. In fact just about the first thing he did was lift the bonus mind control, at which point he discovered that even without it, Valerie is super into being owned and controlled by a powerful master; and so he used that knowledge to construct a cover story, because he didn't want her walking around knowing about magic all the time, even though back then he had much less reason to be so security-conscious.
She was still kind of tiresome after that, but vastly improved from her previous self, especially when he had just discovered mindreading and could watch her think about how hot he was the whole time.
He doesn't dwell on all the sex, though he does fondly remember her crying on him before he briefly gave her back all her memories. He—well, he wanted someone to be able to appreciate his success at deceiving her, but he also wanted her to know what he'd done to her; he doesn't like it when he does things to people and they don't know. And she was satisfied with it, enough so that he felt fine about taking them away again.
So. Then a bunch of other stuff happened. Karen knows about some of it and most of it isn't relevant to a full understanding of either magic or his shitty weekend. The next relevant memory is, hmm... probably dancing with Jenna, who he still didn't regret hurting yet because he's a fucking idiot—sorry, sorry, that was out of order, the explanation's coming but first he has to get through the part with—
Dani.
His confusion, and how it turned to shock and then horror as he dove deeper into the tangle of her mind. His careful investigation. Fixing her, and then explaining that he couldn't make it permanent without owning her, because of how his power worked—and their discovery that the blowjob was a non-optional part of that process—he didn't even want to fuck her, it seems like such a cruel irony that for all the times in his life that he's deliberately hurt and exploited and violated people for his own selfish reasons, the first time he ever met someone he really truly uncomplicatedly just wanted to help, circumstances arranged for him to hurt and exploit and violate her when he did not on any level want to—he had to use magic just to get through it, it was that far from being in any way hot—
For some reason, that memory rattles him more than he was expecting. He has to stop and take a few deep breaths to regain his calm.