"Hey, love, your impersonator wrote."

"Huh, did she! I asked for once a year.

Awwwwww! She's getting married! And she wrote asking for advice!"

"Asking you for advice? ....why? I mean, not that you are not spectacularly good at being married, but we are hardly having a political marriage in imperial Cheliax and I am not sure it'd be going well if we were."

"I think you'd get the hang of it....anyway I think she does not have any friends. She observes that - people didn't write this kind of thing down, right. You heard it from your mother, or your older married sisters or cousins or friends. There are books of marital advice but they don't touch on sex."

"We, uh, absolutely cannot afford for you to send a manual of sex advice to the Material Plane. I don't - I saw a crowdfund once for sending Ressetar, which is less expensive than Golarion, an account of why not to do cousin marriage, and it was six, eight million cats."

"She's not asking for Axis sex advice. I can at least give her - what she would have gotten from her mother and her cousins and her sisters and so on. Maybe go read a bunch of Material sex advice books and send a list of paragraphs that are actually importantly correct in any particular as far as I can tell..."

"I don't even think we can crowdfund it since the situation's confidential -"

"We could crowdfund 'help Carlota give post-Asmodean Cheliax sex advice' without breaking her confidence but I think the situation people would infer from that might give them too much confidence in this going well - let me pull up the library, see what I've got to work with, and at least put in for a bid. ...if you were sending a bit of sex advice to the Material what would it be."

"What're they starting out working with, here? Are we at 'you can address a lot of libido mismatches with hormone replacement therapy -'"

"Jitiri!"

"What??"

"They don't have indoor plumbing!!"

"In Civilization you can hit hormone replacement therapies before you hit - okay, not before you hit indoor plumbing, but before you hit electricity, if you go in on biologics which you should because that's where all the human enhancement stuff is. Hmmm. Are we at 'there are a lot of non-babymaking options -"

"I suppose if we had as much money as we wanted it'd bear mentioning but they're going to want a lot of children and she's starting late."

"What kinds of things are you thinking are possibly at the right - level of explanation?"

"I don't know. I'm kind of looking forward to going through the books and seeing what I have to work from. My mother's advice was - mostly specific to the war. She's not at war, she's not looking for - survival advice. I don't know what my mother would have told me if she was trying to make sure I was happy in a good match."

"Can she not ask her fiancé?"

"I hope that she will think of without my guidance! But - it's not as if men more than women naturally figure out what they want and how to ask for it."

"Right but I think - hope? - your impersonator friend is maybe unusually deficient at it because of being a spy in Asmodean Cheliax."

"You have never met a paladin. They are also kind of unusually deficient in it.... actually, would you be willing to read through the library's collection of writings on marriage from the time period with me? It would make me happy for you to know - where I came from. And be deeply concerned. And then have sex that is a renunciation of scarcity and its attendant scars on human hearts."

"She wants advice on seducing a man? I think you've got it right there."

Most gravely does the civilized world admonish such as come to be married, that they ought to enter into this estate, not rashly, lightly, unadvisedly, to satisfy their carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts, that have no understanding; but discreetly, advisedly, soberly, and in obedience where it is owed. It is needful that this counsel be sounded often in the ears of the unmarried, and not alone in that instant when they are now about to consummate marriage. For want of heeding this counsel, how common is it, and withal how mischievous? For men to offend in an over-sudden and over-hasty undertaking of Marriage, without the due meditation of two special things (namely, what be the duties of Marriage, and what the difficulties, it is as impossible to be well prepared for that estate, as to fly without wings, to go without legs, or to see without an eye: yet scarce one man or woman of a number will put themselves to the pains of informing themselves beforehand, of either of these two things.

Thus having blindly and headlongly cast themselves into marriage, either not at all (or with no firm and settled knowledge) knowing, what belongs unto it, what services they are called to perform, what burdens to sustain in it: it follows (as needs it must) that with much hazard to their own souls, and much unquietness to themselves, families and neighbors, they prove utterly careless of their duties, and extremely impatient under their burdens. Hence it comes to pass, that marriage proves to many, just as the frost unto the drunkard; into which, when his head was warm with Wine or Ale, he put his foot laughingly, and with merriment: but a little after (having slept out his Wine, and cooled his head with a nap,) he longs as much to get it out again. Hence it is, that diverse houses are none other but Fencing-Schools, wherein the two sexes seem to have met together for nothing, but to play their prizes, and to try masteries. Hence it is, that many wedded people brook their wedlock in none other fashion, then a dog does his Chain, at which he never ceases snarling and gnawing, that he may break it asunder and let himself at liberty.

Hence it is, that the little child is no more weary of his fine new gilded book, now a little over-worn and sullied (yea, that the prisoner is no more weary of his gyves, nor the Galley-slave of his oars) then many an husband of his wife, and she of him, within a year or two, and sometimes within a month or two, after their wedding. In a word, from this fountain, such a stream of bitter waters do issue, as make the lives of a number in marriage where almost nothing could be heard, but murmuring and complaining. To redress or prevent, if it might be, at least some of these many mischiefs, I have been bold to publish already to the World, some few directions about the duties of the married, and do now adventure again, to put forth some other advertisements, about the troubles of Marriage. 

"This is upsetting."

"Awww, I think it's well-meaning."

"Do you think he's right? That most marriages were miserable and near-immediately regretted?"