View Flat HTML
View Metadata
Search Post
It started out like any other day. Wake up late, large breakfast, oppress the peasants, and then this happened. This thing appeared out of nowhere—literally nowhere; he can sense its mind and that mind did not exist until it was existing right on top of him—and then it swallows him. All the Lord Ruler sees is what looks like a gigantic mirror reflecting a reptilian mouth, and he's suddenly on the wrong side of it. Starts trying to destroy the creature, of course, but nothing he does meets any resistance.
Wherever he is, it doesn't look like the inside of any snake he's ever been swallowed by.
unprophesied_of_ages
It is green and lush here. Prairie, wildflowers, blue sky with fluffy white clouds. Birds with hats, over there.
unprophesied_of_ages
None of those things makes sense. Certainly not for anywhere on the Lord Ruler's planet, and probably not for the inside of most snakes.
Another important detail is that his Allomancy stopped working. He's carrying the only existing bead of lerasium; swallowing that and burning it restores his powers. One of which tells him that the hatted birds have relatively complex emotions for birds. He walks toward them, for lack of a better direction.
Another important detail is that his Allomancy stopped working. He's carrying the only existing bead of lerasium; swallowing that and burning it restores his powers. One of which tells him that the hatted birds have relatively complex emotions for birds. He walks toward them, for lack of a better direction.
The birds yell at him. "MURKROW!"
unprophesied_of_ages
Is that a noise birds make? Normal ones, that is. Well, it's the least weird thing that has happened today.
These birds are oddly unafraid of humans.
These birds are oddly unafraid of humans.
In fact, they seem annoyed. As he gets closer they scream more. More of them join the flock from other areas.
And then they start attacking him. With weird hat bird magic.
And then they start attacking him. With weird hat bird magic.
unprophesied_of_ages
Weird hat bird magic hurts. He retaliates with perfectly ordinary Scadrial magic, slamming all of them with a wave of fear that doesn't work, why doesn't it work?, and shooting metallic pellets at some of the nearer weird hat birds.
They do not appreciate the metallic pellets! They scream at him and attack him some more.
unprophesied_of_ages
Well, he can take arbitrary amounts of injury and dull or turn off pain, so this should not be a fight he loses. Scraps of metal, coins, anything suitable as a weapon gets fired into the flock and pulled back to be launched again.
They are annoyed, even injured, by the metal, but there are a lot of them and they seem pretty tough compared to what one might normally expect of birds (even ones wearing hats).
There is a wide variety of weird hat bird magic in play. The battlefield gets hazy; they stare him down with hate in their eyes. One of the tougher, faster weird hat birds screams a particularly nasty scream right in his face.
There is a wide variety of weird hat bird magic in play. The battlefield gets hazy; they stare him down with hate in their eyes. One of the tougher, faster weird hat birds screams a particularly nasty scream right in his face.
unprophesied_of_ages
When the Lord Ruler tries to burn steel to launch a coin at its presumably ugly face (it's an annoying hat bird and therefore deserving of arbitrary insults), the steel...doesn't burn.
These birds are suddenly much more threatening. He speeds up to twice as fast as he's seen any of the birds move so far, strengthens himself, and physically charges the ugly one.
These birds are suddenly much more threatening. He speeds up to twice as fast as he's seen any of the birds move so far, strengthens himself, and physically charges the ugly one.
Weird hat bird magic occurs.
He is no longer particularly fast or strong.
Weird hat birds attack him furiously!
He is no longer particularly fast or strong.
Weird hat birds attack him furiously!
unprophesied_of_ages
That's just unfair.
His ability to burn steel is back—maybe they can only block so many things at a time?—so he pushes down on a coin to launch himself up and away.
His ability to burn steel is back—maybe they can only block so many things at a time?—so he pushes down on a coin to launch himself up and away.
Well, the hat birds can and do fly. They chase him.
unprophesied_of_ages
He should be able to outrun them easily, but being repeatedly brought down to normal doesn't help. And at one point it becomes outright impossible to flee.
Before too long, he has definitively lost. He's got more than enough stored health that the birds will have to get bored eventually, and he's still managing to land a few hits, but this is just embarrassing.
A bunch of birds.
With hats.
Before too long, he has definitively lost. He's got more than enough stored health that the birds will have to get bored eventually, and he's still managing to land a few hits, but this is just embarrassing.
A bunch of birds.
With hats.
Eventually an electric-sparking mammalian quadruped, mostly blue, charges in, yowling. The birds become frightened and fly away.
A human, following the creature as it chases away the hat birds, yells something in an unfamiliar language, sounding pleased.
The human flings a red-and-white ball.
A human, following the creature as it chases away the hat birds, yells something in an unfamiliar language, sounding pleased.
The human flings a red-and-white ball.
unprophesied_of_ages
The Lord Ruler yells back, something about "thanks for the help" and "let us never speak of this again," but gets... sucked in to the ball? That's got to be the strangest thing to happen since earlier this morning.
Worst day.
Worst day.
The ball makes him sleepy and not very cognizant of time passing or his body (failing to do its customary amount of) existing, but he is not literally unconscious.
unprophesied_of_ages
Consciousness is good, it implies access to superpowers.
Except when it doesn't, apparently. Either it's because not having a body means he's not in contact with metals to tap or burn, or the ball is just that good at blocking things.
He continues to fail to figure out what's going on. Time probably continues to pass.
Except when it doesn't, apparently. Either it's because not having a body means he's not in contact with metals to tap or burn, or the ball is just that good at blocking things.
He continues to fail to figure out what's going on. Time probably continues to pass.
Eventually the sensation of having been injured disappears.
And then he is let out! He is in a wooden building being peered at by a bunch of teenagers.
And then he is let out! He is in a wooden building being peered at by a bunch of teenagers.
unprophesied_of_ages
Their age doesn't really register, but they're people and not weird animals.
"Where am I?" he asks. "What was that ball?"
"Where am I?" he asks. "What was that ball?"
the_very_best
They talk. To each other, not to him, in a language he's never heard before.
unprophesied_of_ages
This is going to be a problem. "Does anyone speak Selay? Terris? High Imperial?"
He sees his captor. This does not bode well for the man's life expectancy.
But he knows he doesn't know what this world is like, maybe there was a good reason for the ball, and he can always kill him later.
He sees his captor. This does not bode well for the man's life expectancy.
But he knows he doesn't know what this world is like, maybe there was a good reason for the ball, and he can always kill him later.
the_very_best
They peer at him. They don't seem to speak those languages. One of the teenage girls says something and then walks away.
unprophesied_of_ages
He turns toward one of the people, and gestures questioningly toward a red and white ball on her belt.
An explanation would be a pretty high priority, if only there were a reliable way of asking for one.
An explanation would be a pretty high priority, if only there were a reliable way of asking for one.
the_very_best
The girl giggles.
The teenager who walked away comes back with yet another teenager whose hair floats in a nongravitic manner around his head. This person peers at their visitor too, with a look of great concentration.
My friends here think you may be intelligent but not speak our language.
The teenager who walked away comes back with yet another teenager whose hair floats in a nongravitic manner around his head. This person peers at their visitor too, with a look of great concentration.
My friends here think you may be intelligent but not speak our language.