Sep 15, 2019 5:46 AM
various vampires in Milliways
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"You all aren't even actually vampires, you're some other word that this magic is insisting on translating instead of giving to me phonetically."

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"...How sure are we that we're all speaking different languages? Because I'm pretty sure Sparkle Party's Irish, and we all apparently use similar money. I think that we're all 'vampires' and you're some weird thing that's translating wrong."

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"Maggie," says Maggie, "and yep, Irish."

"I'm not saying whatever word you're saying. I'm speaking Leraal. It's the idiotic translation magic," says Leekath.

"So we're kinds of miscellaneous, ah, Earth vampire," says Maggie, "and you can be..."

"Elcenian vampire?" attempts Leekath.

"Elcenian vampire it is."
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"Nah, I was calling you Sparkle Party because it's funny. I can stop. Anyway, Lydia, I'm glad you are now a more comfortable special snowflake. I could probably turn myself into a bat if that's the issue at hand, but I'm not 100% sure I could turn myself back, so... probably not doing that."

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"Turning yourself into a bat is not the sole membership requirement," says Leekath dryly. "Dragons and kyma can do that, if they want."

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"Dragons can turn into bats. Have I mentioned your world is super weird?"

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"It's come up," says Leekath. "Dragons can turn into whatever they want, sometimes that's bats, usually it is not bats."

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"Dragons are OP," mutters Suzanna. "Nerf dragons."

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"What kind of lousy budget translation spell is this," mutters Leekath.

(Maggie giggles.)
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Abruptly, a dessicated corpse strides into the bar. The door swings closed behind her. "What is-"

Abruptly, a small and terrified girl runs into the bar! The door vanishes behind her. She squeaks wordlessly, then lets out a much louder wordless squeak when she notices people.
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"Let me guess," says Leekath. "More mistranslated vampires."

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"Mistranslated? That's new. Also, where in the hell am I? I was going to check on the thralls."

The girl is preoccupied with desperately searching for the door. There is a black courtier in here she wants OUT.
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"The door disappears sometimes. The bar says it usually doesn't trap people more than a couple days," Leekath says to the nervous girl. "And yes, the translation magic here is awful, it thinks we're all vampires, I'm speaking Leraal not English when I say that so it's clearly incorrect."

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"Well, there's too many different kinds of vampires already to get all hung up on terminology, I think. I mean, there's what, four different kinds? Seven if you count all the houses of the White Court."

The girl flinches at the mention of her species. The corpse glares. "Oh, would you stop cowering? I'm not going to kill you, I'm occupied with other things. Besides, there's witnesses. And we've never met. I'm not Drakul, I don't kill people for existing."
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"I'm from a world with one kind of vampire," says Leekath, "which among other things doesn't murder people, that seems to be a distinguishing characteristic."

"I'm also from a world with one kind of vampire!" chirps Maggie. "We totally murder people though. Not you, little one, you're not food."
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"Oh?" The corpse raises an eyebrow and heads over to sit by the bar. "No murder? How do you eat?"

The girl is distracted from her cowering by irritation. "I'm not a little girl! I'm twenty-three years old*. I'm just... short. And she's scary. And you kill people."

*Twenty-two and a half.
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"I know from short," says Maggie, who is indeed pretty short, "and you are lying."

"I make neat tidy punctures in my fiancé's neck with his enthusiastic permission and I drink a bit and then I perform a blood-replenishing working so I don't have to wait three weeks between feedings or go to other sources," says Leekath.
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"You're marrying food?"

"Fine. I'm twenty-two and a half. It just... sounds dumb that way. And I'm not a little girl."
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"Yes I am marrying food," snaps Leekath.

Maggie calms down when the girl has corrected her lie.
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"Jeez, it's just a question. You'd think I'd eaten your puppy or something."

The girl seems to have latched on to something Leekath said earlier. "You don't kill people?"
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"No, I don't," says Leekath, "and I never have, either, and I'm very annoyed that this translation spell thinks I belong in a category with people who do, and I've been criticized more than enough about marrying food by my family members already and don't welcome more of it."

"I know a my-kind-of vampire who's never killed anybody," Maggie says. "He's an odd duck."
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"I don't kill people!" says the girl. "I work as a hairdresser and I take the energy I need from the intimacy of touch, I don't have to have sex with anyone at all! Or kill anyone!"

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"Oh, thank goodness," says Leekath. "That you don't kill people. I'm less clear on whether I should be pleased about the rest of it. My sister's a hairdresser but as far as I know all she gets out of it is dressed hair."

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"The White Court don't do anything with blood at all," explains Leo. "They're all about emotions. Lust and intimacy, in this case, or so I'd imagine from that description. I'm sure your parents are very proud of their little vegan. Or, no, what's the opposite of that, horribly ashamed. Horribly ashamed of their little vegan."

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