"You're taking remedial English?"

"Well I didn't read the books in regular English. I'm doing OK in Latin!"

"We could get someone to do your homework for you -"

"That's not -"

"I'm pretty sure God doesn't care."

"- Karen, most kinds of support or assistance you could possibly think of are available, but I think that this is a normal teenage problem and that it will be healthier for you in the long run to try to solve it with strategies that don't involve systemic deception."

"I agree! Honestly, I'll be fine. - but I'm still going to read the books."

"Okay."

"They've been fascinating so far, by the way. Very good rundown of things, way more comprehensive than what I had. I'm not all done with the case studies yet but they've been really excellent so far. I think I want to go over them one more time and take more notes before I return them, though."

"That sounds good. I'd say you could keep them but we worry about theft."

She nods. "Sometime next week, probably."

"Sounds great."

The following Monday the students of Sunnydale High School have a new gym teacher. 

Rumor among the students who have him early in the morning is that he's really hot.

Dennis is in the same gym class as Karen. Latin and gym are actually the only two classes they share; Dennis is honors track for everything.

"You realize the fact that your not-cousin is suddenly the gym teacher now gives you about a thousand more weirdness points, right?"

"I can't decide what he does, man. It's a free country."

She waves at the new teacher.

He waves at her. 

"Hello, everyone! I'm Alex. This class has two rules: don't be stupid, and don't interfere with other people getting something out of this class. If you want to sit on the bleachers and talk to your friends, I'll give you an A. This stuff - the stuff you're going to learn here - is important, but at some point you gotta figure out how to do important things without people dangling test scores in front of you. 

Your last gym teacher died. I heard from my first class this morning that that happens a lot."

There are murmurs of mixed confusion and agreement. One of the kids in front asks what they're going to learn here.

"Self-defense. Also basketball, because it's in the state-mandated curriculum. But mostly self-defense. The stuff out there is mostly stronger than you guys, which means that it takes different tactics than you'd learn in tae-kwon-do class. But nothing out there is impossible to fight. The curriculum says I gotta tell you that physical education is important because people who exercise live longer. I think they meant that you won't get heart disease when you're sixty. But also, you won't get ...stabbed in the neck by an angry gang with barbecue forks... next Tuesday."

There are, again, murmurs of mixed confusion and agreement.

"What are we starting with?"

"We're gonna start by learning how to fall, because then you won't get hurt when you learn literally everything else. But first, we're all going to run towards the end of the football field and back, because being in decent shape will help you run away from bad stuff and because you'll sit still better if you're tired out. Here are the rules about running towards the end of the football field.

First, I said 'towards'. You don't have to make it all the way there. If you start feeling like 'wow, this sucks', check how far you got, stroll on back. Tomorrow maybe it'll be a little farther. Or maybe it won't, people always have off days, but next week it'll be quite a bit farther. Second rule, if you make it farther than you've ever made it before, you get a chocolate chip cookie at the end of class, because you're pushing your body and you need energy to keep doing that. Today's the first time, so everyone's going to make it farther than you've ever made it before. Okay, go."

A lot of the kids start walking back after not very long, but no one takes him up on sitting at the back of the bleachers and talking with their friends. Karen makes it to the end of the field first and makes it back fourth, of the ones who ran the whole way, because somewhere on the way back she remembered that she is supposed to have a secret identity or something.

"Awesome. So, some people, a little running around helps you sit still and pay attention. Other people pay better attention if they don't hafta sit still. If you're going to learn fastest if you're sitting, come sit in the front. If you're gonna learn fastest if you're pacing, or standing on your head, or trying to balance a ball on your finger, go to the back so you don't distract anyone else. Can I get a volunteer to punch me so I can show you all a couple different ways to fall over?"

Mercy raises her hand.

(Karen goes to the back and stands.)