Kaleva kisses his neck, nibbles a bit, and then freezes and curls up and says "I'm sorry, I can't."

He curls around Kaleva. "Shh, it's okay. You're okay." 

Hugging him isn't wrong, right? It can't be. Not when Kaleva obviously needs it so badly. 

"It's not okay. I love you. I don't want to hurt you."

He doesn't let go. 

"I've been happier in the last three days than I can remember ever having been." 

And what does that say about him? 

Kaleva kisses him. "You should be able to be good. If you want to. I shouldn't-- stop you."

"I love you." It can't be wrong to tell someone you love them, it can't be it can't be it can't. "You — if anything is stopping me from being good it isn't you." 

"I want to have sex with you," Kaleva says miserably. 

It. 

It isn't like he's telling the truth when he says no. Whether or not he says he wants this he still does, the problem isn't in the words. 

"I… Kaleva." He clings, a little. "I love you." He doesn't say no. 

"I shouldn't." Kiss. "I should let you." Kiss. "I should stop kissing you and then it would all be okay and you could be good."

"If anything is stopping me from being good, it isn't you," he repeats. It isn't. It isn't it isn't it isn't, the way he feels about Kaleva can't be wrong, if there's anything right with him that glowing warmth is it. 

"You didn't do this"-- kiss-- "and then we kissed you and then you did. It's my fault. And it's okay if we're like this, Sasha is from the Isle and I'm kind of bad at being a person all around, but you're so good."

"Kaleva. I love you. If there is anything good in me, it's the way I feel about you and Sasha." 

"You could feel that way and also I don't kiss you."

"I could." 

He curls up a little tighter. 

"…it'd be cold, though."

"...I don't want. To make you sad."

…whether he says he wants it or not, that doesn't change that he does in fact want it. The problem isn't the words. 

"Kaleva." He notices, absently, that he can hear his own heartbeat. "Please kiss me." 

Kaleva kisses him. His face is scrunched up to try to stop himself from crying. 

"I'm a terrible person and I love you and I want you to be happy more than anything."

"You're not terrible." Kiss. "If I know anything I know that." Kiss. "I love you." Kiss. "I've loved you so much," kiss, "for so long," kiss, "you're so selfless, you're so loving, you're so warm," kiss. 

"I love you, I love you so much. I would rather love you and have you be happy than be a good person. It's wrong but I'm pretty sure I don't care. I love you, Chen."

"I love you, I love you — if loving you is wrong then nothing is right — I love you —" 

"I don't-- want to hurt you-- I really really don't want to hurt you-- I love you so much."

"You're not hurting me — if this is hurting me I want to be hurt — I love you, I love you —" 

"I'm pretty sure I'm the happiest person in the entire world."

"Good." 

Kaleva kisses him!

"Tell me what you want-- I want to make you happy--"