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The bar is unusually empty. Just one girl, sitting on a barstool, reading one of a rather large stack of napkins.
And then the bar is slightly less empty, as another girl opens the door and pokes her head in.
She leans back out. "Ma--Ava? Do you know what's wrong with your house?"
"What's wrong with my what?" Another girl comes up to the door. "...I have no idea what's going on. But this is not my house."
"I mean, when I said 'what's wrong with your house' I meant more 'why your house was missing.'"
She leans back out. "Ma--Ava? Do you know what's wrong with your house?"
"What's wrong with my what?" Another girl comes up to the door. "...I have no idea what's going on. But this is not my house."
"I mean, when I said 'what's wrong with your house' I meant more 'why your house was missing.'"
the_charm
"The house is fine," says the girl at the bar. "The door is temporarily replaced with a different one. It goes to a lot of universes, apparently. Hi. My name's Lu."
"...Hi. I'm...my name's Helen," says the first one.
"I'm Marie, then," says the other one. "This door will eventually lead back to the rest of my house, right, we're not going to have to crawl out of my bedroom through the window?"
"I'm Marie, then," says the other one. "This door will eventually lead back to the rest of my house, right, we're not going to have to crawl out of my bedroom through the window?"
the_charm
"According to the bar, who is a person, if you go out and close the door, it will go back to leading wherever it usually does."
"Oh, cool," says Marie.
"Wait," Helen says, "this is a bar? Why is the door-stealing dimensional nexus a bar? We're relevantly underaged."
"Wait," Helen says, "this is a bar? Why is the door-stealing dimensional nexus a bar? We're relevantly underaged."
"Drinking alcohol," Helen answers. "And consuming marijuana in any form, but that's less relevant to bars."
the_charm
"Oh. I didn't realize there were age limits for that, I guess my world doesn't tend to have them. Anyway, she sells non-alcoholic beverages and food and for that matter inedible objects too."
"Awesome," Marie says, moving into the bar.
Helen follows and shuts the door. "Consuming those in excess can apparently have negative effects on a still-developing brain so you're not supposed to have any without parental consent before you're twenty," she explains.
Helen follows and shuts the door. "Consuming those in excess can apparently have negative effects on a still-developing brain so you're not supposed to have any without parental consent before you're twenty," she explains.
the_charm
"I mean, a lot of creches and teachers have their own rules about it but... what kind of consent?"
"I'm not sure of the exact rules, I'm not a lawyer, but I know that if you're at home and your parents say its okay to have a glass of wine or a spiked brownie you're not going to get in trouble even if they're having a cop as a dinner guest," Helen says.
Marie asks, "If the bar's a person, how do they communicate?"
Marie asks, "If the bar's a person, how do they communicate?"
the_charm
"...The bar is a she and she does napkins with writing on them same way she does drinks, and your parents?"
"Yeah. Mine aren't that great but they're not, like, criminally negligent or anything like that," Helen says.
"I don't think the woman from another universe was commenting on your parents' failings in particular, Helen," Marie says. "I sincerely doubt the woman from another universe knew about your parents' failings in particular."
"I don't think the woman from another universe was commenting on your parents' failings in particular, Helen," Marie says. "I sincerely doubt the woman from another universe knew about your parents' failings in particular."
"Why...would...I...not?" Helen asks, confused.
the_charm
"Because you're a human? I mean, you look like a human. I only even know the word 'parents' because I read a lot, I think I got it out of a book about birds or something."
"I. Am a human. Humans have parents." Helen is not noticeably less confused! "What do you even mean?"
the_charm
"...I mean, humans don't have parents. Or at least humans I have met or heard of before don't. Are humans on your world just a kind of animal?"
"Are humans on your world a kind of fungus? Of course we're animals," Helen says.
the_charm
"We're not a fungus. We're a lot like animals. But we don't breed like animals."
"...Humans on my world are a kind of animal! We evolved from previous forms of human and those evolved from previous forms of ape. I technically share ancestors with my mother's pet cat."
"Your mother has a pet cat?" Marie asks.
"I love you dearly but I fail to see how that's the most important part of what I just said," Helen says.
"It's the only part I didn't already know," Marie points out.
"Your mother has a pet cat?" Marie asks.
"I love you dearly but I fail to see how that's the most important part of what I just said," Helen says.
"It's the only part I didn't already know," Marie points out.
the_charm
"Okay, well, I appeared in a random location like every other baby and, like almost every baby that survives to non-baby-hood, was then picked up by a stork and dropped off at the nearest creche."
"That is both extremely strange, and rather tragic that there are babies that don't survive," Helen says.
"We still haven't completely eliminated the infant mortality rate either," Marie points out.
"We've done a good enough job on it that 'that survives to non-baby-hood' isn't usually considered a necessary qualifier."
"We still haven't completely eliminated the infant mortality rate either," Marie points out.
"We've done a good enough job on it that 'that survives to non-baby-hood' isn't usually considered a necessary qualifier."
the_charm
"Well, if a baby appears and nobody finds it, it'll eventually die of exposure, but a lot more of them get found now that there are storks."
"When babies don't just appear out of nowhere, exposure isn't a common hazard," Helen says.
"What's this about storks?" Marie asks.
"What's this about storks?" Marie asks.