"I think Commander Waterford is leaning on his theologian to decide that that's the case. He really wants the first contact to go well, and he knows that if the Gileadites decide that it's sinful for you to be gay or to have sex before marriage you can prevent missionaries from coming to Amenta by closing the door."

"Uh, I don't think anyone would listen to them, so I don't know that we'd turn down empty land if it wasn't enough missionaries to be a population problem."

"Wait, really? You're fine with missionaries?"

"...the word is translating as... a two word phrase that maybe I can detranslate if I say the words far apart? Religion... ...salesperson? I believe you that there might be some problem with it but you might also just be underestimating how valuable land is to us."

"Well, uh, if Commander Waterford fails, the missionaries will definitely be saying that pollution is a primitive superstition and God doesn't care if you take a decontamination shower."

"Oh, that'll get them in trouble. Pollution hysteria's a big deal. And if they actually pollute anything on purpose that's a capital crime. So it wouldn't be very wise for them to come and say that."

"...See, when people die for being missionaries it's called being a martyr-- also curious how that translates-- and you go to Heaven for it, being executed won't necessarily stop people."

Sadrin blinks. "I thought you said the part where you can do things after you die was also imaginary? Uh, it translated straight across, I think, we have people who died for things."

"But people believe it even though it is imaginary!"

"Yes, but... that means they won't expect being executed to stop them... not that it actually won't."

"As long as you let Gileadites onto Amenta there will be missionaries, and if you want our empty land then you'll have to let in the missionaries."

"I don't think we will actually turn down land if the price is occasionally having to execute someone for pollution violations or deport them for pollution hysteria. I can suggest to the Governor that she'll want to keep the option to deport them, I guess."

"...It's really weird that you actually don't mind Gileadite missionaries."

"I mean, it will be bad if they have a high crime rate, I'm not saying that's not bad, but unless every single one of them, uh, blows up a sewer line or something... what's the problem exactly? I want to understand why you're expecting us to mind so I can be sure that we won't, you'll know better than me what to expect from missionaries."

"So the more routine concerns are that, for example, they might go door-to-door knocking on people's doors when they're in the shower, they might stand around on college campuses holding up signs that imply that people are being tortured for eternity... but I think most people would object to Gileadite missionaries because they're afraid that the missionary program might actually work."

"That sounds really unlikely. I guess we might have to reevaluate if that happened."

"I didn't actually come here to talk about this specifically... I want to apply for refugee status."

"- I'm a theology professor. But, uh, at a guess that's going to depend a lot on how Gilead would react to that."

"I can be helpful! I can tell you things the Gileadites can't. You shouldn't assume I'm right about everything but I can at least give you another perspective. You can send me to Earth to talk to Cascadians and Canadians and tell them you exist, Canada has so much more empty land than Gilead and won't send any missionaries, just please let me leave Gilead."

"Oh, no, I'm not saying you can't be helpful at all, you'd be a huge help - but the door goes to Gilead."

"I could be a double agent and then when Amentans have moved to Earth and started earning money you can pay for me to go to Cascadia?"

"That's something you can just buy?"

"Well, you'd have to cover my vacation fee. Right now it's only twenty thousand dollars, since I'm not fertile, but it'd be way more if I were a double agent."

"I think I'm confused."

"If Gilead just let me get on a plane," Andrea explains, "they know that lots of people who would get on the plane would go to Cascadia and never leave and Cascadia would take them, of course. So they charge a vacation fee which you get back when you return home. Most people who are actually going on a vacation just get a short-term loan."