"Can you re-read the new version of the proposal, after the changes?"

"It now Reads:"

1) Any Person Duly and Lawfully Charged with the Investigation of Crimes and the Enforcement of Law has the power to Detain, for a Limited Time, any free Subject of her Majesty solely for the Purpose of the Investigation of a Specific Crime, or multiple Specific Crimes.

1.a) Such Detention may continue only while such Crimes are Duly and Lawfully Investigated, unless the Detained be then Charged in which case it may continue until Trial, unless the Detained be then Sentenced to Imprisonment in which case it may continue for the Term of Imprisonment.

1.b) If such Detention has continued past a Reasonable Time for Investigation or Trial, and past any Sentence if such was made, the Crown shall Grant a Petition for the Release of the Detained.

2) Any Person Duly and Lawfully Charged with the Investigation of Crimes and the Enforcement of Law has the power to Detain, for a Limited Time, any free subject of her Majesty solely for the purpose of Compelling Testimony in connection with the Investigation of a Specific Crime, or multiple such Specific Crimes.

2.a) Such Detention may continue only while such Crimes are Duly and Lawfully Investigated, unless those Suspected of such Crimes be then Charged in which case it may continue until Trial.

2.b) Such Detention is not the Primary Means of Compelling Testimony, but rather is to be used when the Officers of the Law suspect the Witness may fail to Appear when Duly Summoned.

2.c) If such Detention has continued past a Reasonable Time for Investigation or Trial the Crown shall Grant a Petition for the Release of the Detained.

3) A Reasonable Time for Investigation shall be Seven Days; for Trial until the Date Fixed for Trial; and for Sentence of Imprisonment until the Expiration of said Sentence.

4) Should any Detention under this Law entail the Transportation of a Subject over a Great Distance, particularly if Teleported, the Crown shall upon their Release provide at its expense their Safe Return to the Location where they were Originally Detained.

5) Except under these Provisions the Crown and those Carrying Out her Majesty's Justice shall not Detain free subjects of her Majesty.

6, alternative 1) For the Avoidance of Doubt, the Lawful Forms of Conscription and the Lawful Fulfillment of Obligations of Taxation by the Corvée are not forms of Detention under this Law.

6, alternative 2) For the Avoidance of Doubt, the Lawful Forms of Conscription or the Corvée as Authorized by a Decree of the Queen or the Convention, on the terms given in that Authorization, are not forms of Detention under this Law.

"I note the following:"

"That the last Clause has two Drafts, and I would Choose that Alternative which is Agreeable to Archduke Narikopolus if none have additional Suggestions;"

"that perhaps a Reasonable Time for Trial Dates might be useful, though I hesitate to set one considering the Demands on the Time of Judges;"

"that the Second Draft of the last Clause says 'a Decree of the Queen or the Convention', and I believe it to be Decrees of the Queen which have force, and that she Enacts and Promulgates them as we Pass them."

He's really coming to dislike writing laws. Oh well. 

"I expect either alternative will work. The first seems to me to give more latitude for common sense, if someone does claim that another established but not formally decreed practice is technically a form of conscription, but perhaps the latter will give greater confidence in the law."

"For people who do not through their occupation have the power of arrest, conscription, or corvée, is this in any way not identical to a one-line law forbidding them to detain free subjects? I think laws being lengthier for people who do have those powers is fine, but the amount of helplessness I've seen about the law even when it was extremely short was troubling."

"Kidnap is elsewhere a Crime; this Draft creates two Powers granted to those charged with Enforcement of Law, and Abridges other Powers they previously had to carry out said Enforcement. The Effect of the Draft is Nil upon those who are not the Crown or otherwise carrying out her Majesty's Justice."

"You on Assize would have, and could Employ, those Powers, and Detain a free Subject. The ordinary Person lacking them cannot Employ them, and hence has no Occasion to abide by their Restrictions, and for him to Kidnap is a Crime."

"It is thus Drafted in order to achieve its Aims via the most Narrow means, that is, to Permit Arrest, an act which would be Kidnap without some Power under the Law permitting it, and Govern the Arrestor."

If you can't answer a yes or no question in a way that includes at least one of those words before or within your paragraphs then Elorri rather despairs of you writing something a random Chelish peasant will understand after having it explained six times, by a paladin, when they're not even in trouble. "Would you say that, then, the answer to my question, is 'no, it is for those persons identical'?"

"It is for those Persons identical to a Blank Sheet."

"Well, it means that if someone they love has been detained and not released or charged they should petition for their release after seven days, that's not nothing."

"That's true, thank you."

"Indeed so. It is Blank as to Additional Obligations on the People but provides them a Useful Remedy they might be Glad of."

"Delegate Goés raised this point already, but one trend I've noticed in modern Chelish law, compared to Arodenite law, is that modern law tends to be much longer. I don't think this is wholly a bad trend, and it may be unavoidable if we need to ensure there's no room for ambiguity, but I confess I find myself concerned that many people, particularly among the illiterate, will struggle to understand what this law actually does. Could we perhaps provide some sort of short, clear summary at the beginning of the law so that anyone can understand?"

Supportive nod.

Honestly it seems pretty restrained, probably because it was written over the course of ten minutes. 

"Hold a Moment, please." Time to employ advanced experimental drafting techniques honed in a year of doing nothing useful.

"It is a Narrow Law, and satisfies I believe all Desiderata yet Mentioned. To my colleagues of the Reclamation I note that no Burdens are imposed on the Public beyond those existing already in Laws criminalizing Kidnap and Resisting Lawful Arrest."

('Narrow' is about the highest praise possible when it comes to legal drafting, as befits her burgeoning egomania.)

"I think it will seem - trickier - to the floor than the version we started with, but if having consulted other lawyers it in fact does what we mean then it's acceptable to me. Does anyone have further thoughts before we vote?"

The suspicion of legal drafting is unfortunate but understandable given the state of the country, and maybe passing an unambiguously good law like this will help turn things around a bit. It's just a matter of surviving the coming days having called Bellumar's bluff.

"All right, let's hold the vote to bring this to the floor then. All in favor?"

"In favor."

"Aye."

"Aye."

"In favor."

"Aye."

"Aye."

This really seems like quite a rushed lawmaking process, but she supposes the need is fairly dire.

"Aye."

"Aye."