taste for novelty | Glowfic Constellation

in-the-breeze

They test to see if he is in fact affected by the strength of the sunlight – while he was outside at dawn, it did in fact feel less strong, but he was partially buried in sand and the pain ramped up over the time he was out, so it wasn't a particularly good indicator. It turns out he is in fact affected differently by different strengths of sunlight; weaker sunlight is confirmed to feel less painful and he loses his senses less quickly this time than when he went outside earlier.

After a short while, they go back inside and he cools off – it's not yet sunset, it's just slightly dimmer, so the sun still has quite strong effects on him. They have food, or rather Matt and Sadde do, though Theo cooks it because he hasn't lost that ability despite becoming a vampire, and it gradually gets towards sunset.

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in-the-breeze

He shrugs, frowning a bit. "I don't know that there's all that much I can do not to fret?"

subtle_influence

"Well, I kinda just... argue myself into not."

in-the-breeze

"I could argue myself into focusing on something else more than the fretting, at least when I was human, and then possibly forget about it while I'm doing stuff, but not actually argue it gone."

Matt White

"And I try to focus on things I can actually change and if I can't they can stay out of my attention until they reach a point I can change them."

subtle_influence

"That's more or less what I do," he agrees with Matt. "I tell myself that if there is something I can do about it then I'll worry—at most I make, like, contingency plans for each possible outcome, if that's relevant—but then I'm done. It does have the disadvantage that when there is even a little bit I can do about it I start worrying about all the details, but."

Matt White

"If there's a little bit I can do, and I in fact want to do that, then I will do that thing." Shrug. "Otherwise, yeah, I just don't."

in-the-breeze

Theo looks at them both, a little bit confused. "It's, you know, still not a thing that I consciously choose."

subtle_influence

"Well... have you tried?"

in-the-breeze

"Tried consciously choosing not to fret? I have tried consciously not focusing on it, but it's not really a thing I can just switch off, like I can't just switch off being angry, but I could try not focusing on it until it went away? Hopefully?"

subtle_influence

"I mean, tried consciously arguing yourself out of fretting, yeah."

in-the-breeze

"Consciously arguing that it's not useful and expecting that to stop it…? Or consciously arguing that I shouldn't be doing it for– I don't know, some other reason, and expecting that to do it…?"

subtle_influence

"Former."

in-the-breeze

He pauses for a moment. "I am inclined to say that it would not work because it feels like emotions and I don't think I can do it for them, but I am not certain as to whether this is in fact the case."

subtle_influence

"So, you have not in fact tried."

in-the-breeze

"At least not while being a vampire, no, and I'm not sure about when I was human."

subtle_influence

"Well then try it!"

in-the-breeze

"Try… arguing myself, consciously, out of fretting over how my mother will actually respond to the scenario."

subtle_influence

"Yes, that's what I said."

in-the-breeze

"… Still not sure I can do that."

subtle_influence

"Yes we've determined this already."

in-the-breeze

"But like– I am not sure I know what you mean by consciously arguing myself out of it, because just going 'this isn't going to help' doesn't actually, uh, stop it."

subtle_influence

"Repeat it inside your head? 'There is no way this is going to help, there is nothing I can do about it, this feeling is not serving any purposes and is making me upset for no reason, I will not feel it.'"

in-the-breeze