...for they've got enough on their plate, seriously
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"And yet if I introduce you to a boyfriend I can't help but feel like the abduction plans will suddenly materialize."

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"There are all kinds of deliberately provocative things you could do and that is one of them. I'd probably get somebody else in if you did that, though, to the extent I have a comparative advantage here it's 'not finding you a completely unprecedented concept', not 'forensic relationship analysis'."

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"Not finding me a completely unprecedented concept?"

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"I was in an Angband for a while and the Enemy's got really sophisticated hallucination capabilities and terrible hobbies."

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"I'm sorry to hear that.

 

We have procedures to help escapees of Angband but they mostly depend on having anticipated the possibility before being captured, and also the ones for humans were never as helpful."

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"I'm a weird case anyway, and that's not what I'm here for," shrugs Kib. "- I'm Kib, by the way, if you also have the names thing."

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"...thank you. You know yours?"

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"Yeah. His nickname's Island for disambiguation purposes."

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"How are those chosen? Do I have one?"

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"You are as a group terrible at picking nicknames, so I named mine, Maedhros just uses the Thindarin rendering, and Loki needled Maedhros into naming the Space ones and the other one has a different name anyway, and we've all just been calling you Evil Maitimo. I don't anticipate a lot of resistance if you have something more tasteful in mind."

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"I should like to be Midnight and Findekáno should be Forever."

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"Those are cute, although of course I have a suspicion I wouldn't think so if I knew why you picked 'em. And the relevant Findekáno is not accessible to comment on his nickname, he skipped off a few dimensions away with one of Loki's friends so that scary powerful people would stop looming over him."

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"One of Loki's friends?"

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"Not an alt of anybody, just some guy from her planet she thought he'd get along with who might be able to hold a non-weird conversation with him."

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"He's perfectly capable of non-weird conversations, most people just ask for an appointment instead of kidnapping him if they want him in a productive mood rather than an obedient one."

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"Well, next time we find a fucked-up Arda I guess we can try that. Anyway, Loki's friend found him someplace where it would be really inconvenient for any of us to track him down and off they went."

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"...okay. That's good to know. He won't object to the nickname."

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"Noted."

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"If not believed. What are you here for, your alternates set me a very frustrating project that has been eating all the time we're not devoting to postwar reconstruction."

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"I am considering the possibility that this place is, being evil, actually obnoxious enough to govern that letting you do it is worth it compared to any of the more superficially palatable alternatives."

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"It's not going to have a civil war, assuming you give me the full ten years or at least five of them, it'll just be - well, optimized for 'stability when interdimensional visitors want arbitrary power to depose the leader without complications' instead of optimized for economic growth and security and a healthy and happy populace..."

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"In some places designing political systems to survive sudden absence of leadership is not optional in the first place, but your point is taken."

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"Oh, there was a plan in place for if the Enemy killed me, we'd be fools not to have that and he'd be more inclined to try. The difficult part of the problem is that you and your counterparts are going to find anyone in this world objectionable, so I had to have something stable over repeated extradimensional meddling, without just incentivizing everyone to provoke their political enemies into the sort of atrocities that most readily prompt extradimensional meddling..."

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"So what's the setup?"

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"Parliamentary democracy! People form parties around interests of theirs, and then everyone goes and casts a vote, and seats in parliament are awarded in accordance with the vote, and then the party with the largest plurality stitches together some alliances to get a governing coalition and selects from among its members a head who does most head-of-state functions, and who you can murder as often as you get the itch without significantly disrupting anything, since even within his own party he won't be particularly beloved and the balance of power won't be substantially changed. There are term limits so no one's meaningfully anything resembling a King. 

 

Growth'll suffer, infrastructure'll suffer, research funding will suffer. But, you know, most people won't bother running the numbers, and it's far more palatable than letting someone you dislike run the country."

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