"I'm pretty sure Dad pays more to get all the nature documentary channels, and there's some under the table money to make sure there's always a good selection."

Nova looks to Zev - he wasn't sure Zev wanted to stay, but he couldn't deny that the idea of getting to watch more documentaries tomorrow was appealing. His eagerness shows, even though he's hiding it with his usual practice.

The uncomfortable feeling in his chest is beginning to feel a lot like panic. 

He tightens his grip on Nova’s hand, but smiles back at his eagerness. “Where are we sleeping? We can’t possibly take ‘Chelle’s room again.” He even sounds more brittle. 

...Aaren sees the look, takes a careful breath before responding.

"Yeah, upstairs again, I'll show you?"

"I'm gonna go and collapse in bed before 'Chelle steals all the covers," Lan gets to his feet, stretching and yawning and heading out of the room.

'Chelle chuckles and follows him out, "I don't need to steal the covers, you deposit most of them on me when you start snuggling."

Nova can see Zev's reaction as well, and squeezes his hand, feeling his own chest tighten in response.

He’s frightening Nova. He didn’t mean to, he doesn’t ever want to- 

He shoves the feelings deep inside, burying them so his smile seems less forced. “We’ll follow you?” He takes the blanket off them both, though loops it over his arm. 

He then reaches out and picks up the backpack. 

Nova stays tight to Zev's side.

Aaren doesn't even acknowledge him picking up the backpack, doesn't even seem to notice - and maybe it's obvious that he's ignoring it, but he is ignoring it. He leads them up the stairs, and pushes open the door of the room that's a mirror to 'Chelle's, although with less personal touches spread around, and in less vibrant colours.

"Bathroom," Aaren points, "bed. Sleep well, huh?" (He wants to hug Zev, and Nova, has seen how well Zev's responding to Lan and 'Chelle's casual affection, and how well Nova's responding to Zev, but he doesn't think either of them are ready for him to do that yet, reminds himself they're probably still not staying, even if he hopes they do.)

Zev nods, giving Aaren an attempt at a grateful smile. 

He smiles back warmly. "I'm going to go check everything's off downstairs, so you'll hear me moving around a little."

And he goes to do that.

Zevran shuts and locks the door behind him, leaning his head against it for a moment, taking in deep breaths. 

Nova hesitates for a moment before stepping closer again and leaning slightly against Zev's back, not quite hugging him.

Zev’s selfish, so when Nova is pressed against his back, he turns to take him in his arms, hugging him. 

“We- I-“ he can’t seem to actually voice a sentence. 

He presses closer to Zev when he turns to hug him. Doesn't know how to reassure him. He's not good with words.

He knew he’d not be able to hold it back forever. That one day the dam would break. 

He did not realise that today would be the day something had to give. 

He wraps his arms tighter around Nova, pressing his face into his neck. He takes one, shuddering breath. 

And then the sobs start. 

Nova has no idea what to do when Zev starts sobbing. He holds him tightly, rests one hand on the back of Zev's head and strokes the other tentatively up and down his back.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. You- I could’ve gotten you out yea-years ago. If I’d just- if I’d just opened my eyes I would’ve seen- I’m so sorry.”

Nova was trying to comfort him, and a part of him was so desperate for that he savoured every second. But he was so horrified by how Nova was the one protecting him, Nova, the one of them who’d been through so much more. 

“And now you’re trapped again.” Maybe not in this house. But certainly with Zev. 

"I-no- you- you did. Get me out. And- and we're not. We could leave. They said we could. It's fine."

He isn't even aware, really, of what he's saying, just trying to stop Zev from feeling bad.

"You couldn't've known." (Nova hadn't wanted Zev to know, hadn't wanted him to think any less of him.)

“No, no, you shouldn’t want to leave just because I say so. You- if you want to stay we should stay. I don’t...”

I don’t want to tell you what to do. I don’t want to dictate your life. I want to protect you, and if that means accepting that someone else can do it better, I will. 

Zev pulls away enough to cup Nova’s face in both hands and press their foreheads together. His breath is still coming in shuddering jolts, but as he closes his eyes, he feels calmer. 

“I don’t want you to be trapped by me.”

Nova presses closer to him again, and yeah, he's clinging a bit, but-

"M'not," he says. "I keep- you- keep. Looking after me and-" (And you shouldn't, and I'm not worth it, and I don't know how to make you stay.) "And I- I want to- it's- we look after each other?"

Zev opens his eyes. His heart feels too heavy to keep beating. 

“You shouldn’t have to protect me,” he says. Then he pulls Nova back in close, hugging him tightly. “But thank you. Thank you so much.”

"You- you- I want to." Doesn't argue that Zev needs protecting, just stays hugged close to Zev, still clinging.

Zev breathes in harshly at that. He wants to as well. 

He would never put Nova in harm’s way, but wouldn’t it be easier to just let him know when things are wearing on him? 

He does feel a thrill of fear at the idea of that, coming from never wanting to scare Nova away.