It affects our topic selection but yeah, we get along.

I want to apologize but it would not make things better.

If you say so.

The problem is that while my father's unwillingness to make insincere apologies makes him a lot of needless enemies, my willingness to make insincere apologies annoys him just as much and he does not take any of mine seriously.

Oh dear.

And saying 'I apologize for telling you that I don't love you and don't remember ever having done so' will not make things better.

Wouldn't think it would.

I'd be happy to hear suggestions if you have any.

Sometimes I can get people to take wishes as apologies. In this case I guess it'd be 'I wish I could remember, I'm sure that if I remembered thus and such and then I'd never have said something like that'.

I do very much wish that I remembered my life, and I am eager to put the memories back once I can trust them.

I don't know how he'd take it, though, that's not a very tailored suggestion.

I have never actually said anything like that to him before, so I don't know how he'll react to me trying to fix it. I've wanted to say things like that but the stakes were always too high. But I genuinely trusted him that he wouldn't make me worse off for saying things - rightly, i guess, I will give him that - so nothing was at stake but our relationship and I genuinely don't remember it.

Nod.

Which probably means - something? The Enemy wouldn't take things if he didn't think I'd be worse off without them.

I can't speculate why you're missing what you're missing, I don't even know what it is beyond that it includes most of your filial relationship.

Random-seeming chunks of the centuries, but stuff pertaining to my father is missing more than anything else. Oddly, logistical minutia of city planning is still there, and I was able to use that.

If - how unhelpful is it if I remark on what I'd do if I were evil and could delete memories?

Go ahead.

I probably would have done it the other way around, left you with at least most of your ability to draw on the emotional resources of your family but sharply reduced ability to be useful, especially if I thought I could strike a balance so you were just useful enough that it wouldn't be obvious you were a net drain to you or anybody who'd tell you.

He flinches. So - careless? Or part of some plan that we disrupted before fruition? Or is it likely that I am making important mistakes that people close to me wouldn't notice?

I haven't seen you make any. Your gaps sound like a completely different strategy that may have been interrupted. - Should I not have said that, I was not at all sure it was a good idea -

No, I'm very glad you did - it also helps me believe you're not the enemy, if there are obvious ways you could do better if you were -

Primary argument in favor. I just don't like making you twitch.

It is intellectually tremendously useful to me to have a picture of what kind of enemy you'd be, it makes me more confident that you aren't. I do have a strong panic reaction around you and everyone else who can hurt me and it does get stronger when you say things like that but this tradeoff is worth it to me.

Okay.