Thank you!

You're welcome to ask for help in private, and I won't tell anyone anything without your permission. But If you will permit it I'd like to tell my sister as well so I can ask her for advice- she's actually studying Friendship professionally, so she knows a lot more about it than I do. I trust her not gossip about you or betray your secrets.

Yes that's fine, thanks!

I have a friend and she sort of doesn't like me, I think because she doesn't think I love her. I think I do, but I'm kind of confused about how to show her.

I've tried giving her lots of things and helping her do things she likes but she's still really upset. I'm avoiding her now because it makes me sad to be around her when she's sad, but I like her and she can't really do things without me.

She loves trees because when they move in the wind she thinks they're dancing because they're happy and she likes that even though she can't feel them being happy? It doesn't make any sense but I want to love her the same way she loves everything and I want to let her know I do. How do I do that?

First up- if she really doesn't like you, and you find being around her unpleasant, then I'm afraid avoiding each other might ultimately be best for both of you. Although it sounds like there are some complicating factors in this case;

Firstly, when you say she "can't really do things without you", what do you mean? Does she depend on you financially, or a socially, or a psychologically, or medically, or in some other way? In any of those cases, my sister recommends looking into whether you can provide what she needs in a way that involves less social interaction between you two- for example, finding other people who can provide the same help or helping her in a systematic way that doesn't impose any expectations that you have a particular social interaction. In particular, you should try to avoid making her feel like she feels like she needs to be your friend whether she wants to or not.

Do you know why she's upset? Is it just because she wants you to love her but doesn't believe you that you do? If that's the case, my sister and I can't think what more you can do that what you're already doing and what we've already suggested. But if there are other things she might also be upset about, maybe we can help with those?

This is really really secret and I'd be in so much trouble if someone from my world except my friends found out so please keep it extra special secret the way you said before!

We're always together except I'm alone when she's asleep. I live in her body and move it. I can see what she thinks but I don't really understand it. I think she's upset because she doesn't think I love her?

I promise I won't tell anyone but my sister, and she promises the same. Don't worry, we're good at keeping secrets.

I'm sorry you have to hide such a big part of your nature, that's not fair. Stuff like that happens here too sometimes and I know it can be really hard. At least it sounds like you have friends you can confide in.

I know some animals find being able to spend time alone important, and some animals really hate having their minds read. Is it possible she feels that way and resents you over it? If so, it sounds like there isn't much you can do to help her but at least you can understand why she's upset and that it isn't your fault.

Also, having to keep important things secret is hard. If she resents you for that you might be able to explain that it's hard for you too?

And it sounds like she isn't able to control her own body unless you let her? I imagine that would be pretty annoying for her. I imagine she might be much happier if you arrange to take turns so that she doesn't need to rely on negotiating about every specific thing she wants to do.

Thanks. Yeah, it's not fair! But my friends except Karen do like me and know about it.

Maybe? I'll ask whenever she wakes up. That wouldn't make any sense but a lot of the ways she feel don't really make sense.

I'll try telling her that! Thanks!

Oh, I didn't think of that. I think it does help when I let her tell her parents good night and hug them and stuff. I'll try having an hour where I let her do whatever as long as it doesn't hurt me, and that might help her have nicer feelings?

The person who's body you're in is also called Karen, then? Are you using her identity as well as her body? If so, that suggests some other ways we might be able to help.

I think everybody has ways they feel that don't make sense to everybody. If we only liked things you liked for a reason, how would we start liking things in the first place? For example, looking at the stuff you said you like in "Happy Things", I personally don't enjoy drinking milk at all and I know of species who don't care about their parents more than they do about anyone else. I think it's more obvious with animals who are really different from you just because the things they like that don't make sense are more different from the things you like that don't make sense. And according to my sister one of the most important parts of being a good friend is respecting how other people feel even if it doesn't make sense to you (I'm not saying you're not doing that, just that it's important that you do).

Giving her an hour to do whatever she likes sounds like a good idea. Tell us how it goes!

Yeah, her name's Karen, my name is Aftran 927. I use her identity around other humans, and mine around people I trust!

I think there's a difference? Some of the happy things I put were things Karen likes, but I think it's different to like milk or lemonade or soda and to like being completely alone or being with friends. I don't actually care about her parents, except she does and also my friends are living with them. I was having her hug them more because it made her happier. I like having experiences and being with my friends, and a lot of the things I say I like are things Karen likes enough for them to be good experiences. But I guess I'll try and make it be so she can sometimes be completely alone if that's what she wants? Maybe she thinks it doesn't count that I love her if I can tell what she's feeling?

I am making her a cake! It's in the hotbox right now and it has chocolate and vanilla in it which are both flavors that she likes once it's done and cool enough I'm going to decorate for her with lots of colorful icing and then give her an hour! It's too bad it's not her birthday or she'd probably like it even more!

Would it count more if I didn't watch her while she ate it? I'm scared of her doing something dangerous but if she wants to be really alone then just letting her move might not be enough.

Hi Aftran 927.

My sister and I are actually also using other peoples' identities- we're not really unicorns, we're changelings using unicorns' identities. My name is Gossamer, hers is Gloss. I've been trying to keep quiet about that on here in case someone else from our world finds this forum, but it sounds like you're used to keeping a similar sort of secret. I think, as well as the other stuff I've mentioned, animals with identities tend not to like being impersonated. I'm not sure what you can do about that, but it's another thing Karen could be holding against you. Generally I just don't worry about how the real Rainbowstar feels, but I don't think I'd be able or willing to do that if I had to share a body with her. I don't know enough about your world to know if there's a way for you to stop impersonating Karen safely but maybe you could ask adults of your species about it?

I don't know whether Karen doesn't think it counts as love if you can tell what she's feeling- that seems strange to me, but changelings are naturally telepathic and I don't really understand how non-telepaths feel about mind-reading. But for me, wanting to be alone is about feeling like if people are observing me I need to be the version of myself they approve of whereas I feel like sometimes I need to be free to be every version of me at once. So- while I'm not familiar with humans except from this forum, I imagine she would be happier if you didn't watch her while she ate. On the other hand- am I correct in guessing that if you let her completely free she'd tell her parents stuff that you need to keep secret from them? So while that would probably make her happiest you probably shouldn't do it.

Hi Gossamer! Those are really pretty names! I promise I'll keep your secret.

Oh. I really hope that's not it. I'll ask all my friends and then I'll know when I go see them tomorrow. If we're not inside of other people and moving them, we can't see or hear or do anything, and we're still secret, so I don't think there's a way to stop impersonating humans. Two of my friends are controlling Karen's parents, and they're adults so it's easier for them to think adult thoughts, but I think I'll wait until tomorrow when I'll be part of all my friends and we'll have more thinking power and know more things to think about it with! My friends with her parents don't really understand why I'm trying so hard with Karen. Being a kid is a lot more fulfilling than being a grownup.

I thought it might be part of how she loves her parents and trees and her friends and likes when she thinks things make them happy, even though she can't feel their happiness. And I thought maybe she thought it didn't count when I did nice things for her because I could tell what she was feeling? Thank you for explaining! It would be really great if Karen could be all the ways she can act at once, I'd really like to feel that. But I'll ask her if she wants me to pretend she's alone more? My favorite thing about being with all my friends is that they can tell everything about me and I can tell everything about them! But it probably is different for humans, since they evolved being alone in their heads. I probably wouldn't have guessed that on my own!

Yeah. Well, not her parents, my friends wouldn't let her parents do anything bad to us, but some of her other friends would. Or she might do something else dangerous for us or for her.

The cake is cooling off and I can put frosting on it soon! I'll tell you what happens after!

Talk to you later! Stay safe, and I hope Karen has a good time :-).

She tried to stab both of us through her eye but I stopped her. I'm upset and confused about that. She didn't say why, and I can't figure it out from what she's thinking.

But she liked the cake and said thank you! And I could tell she meant that part! And now I'm going to go meet with my friends and tell them about the forum and the stuff you helped me with about maybe working better with Karen, and then I can come back and be less upset about it.

Sorry that happened. I think sometimes animals who are really distressed hurt themselves to distract themselves from it. And sometimes animals who are really angry at other animals try to hurt them just out of anger. Could Karen have been doing one or the other of those things? Anyway, I'm glad that you're safe and that Karen enjoyed the cake, and I look forward to meeting your friends!

I've been thinking more about why Karen might be upset. I still thing the suggestions my sister and I gave earlier on are probably relevant, but another thing that could be contributing is if she's missing her parents? Do your friends let their hosts interact with her much?

I think it was more like she was really angry and sad at both of us, yeah. She's feeling a lot calmer now though. Thanks!!! They're all excited to meet you too! They're going to talk as soon as they're not too busy with the thing they're working on right now! We like you a lot!

We've been having them hug her and spend time around her and wish her goodnight and take her places, but my friends controlling her parents are more worried about letting them do more things without them because they're older and could be more dangerous. She likes it a lot when I let her be the one to tell them sweet dreams back when they tuck us into bed.

Do you sleep in beds? Humans do and it's super cozy, but some species don't, or don't like it as much.

Grownups can be a lot better than children at finding ways to be dangerous. Still, it seems like if your friends can read their hosts' minds all the time it should be safe to let them do most things that aren't intended to be dangerous? It's good that they can at least interact with their daughter, though.

And we do sleep in beds. And yes, they are cozy.

I look forwards to meeting your friends.

Hi! I have a lot of new friends! I'm so much bigger now!

I talked to the rest of myself and decided that the parts of me that are better at making strategic decisions and being scientific and persuasive are already doing too much important stuff to also deal with the forum, but the parts that are good at having experiences and being excited can keep talking, as long as we're careful.

I get to be so many more kids now! Humans keep their children in schools to learn things and play and I get to be all of some of them! Also some of their adult teachers but that's less fun, just important. Aftran 1304 is going to talk to you this evening, after it gives its host's parents to more of us. It's new, but it likes you lots too and is excited to talk to you!

Huh. Are you some sort of hive mind? It sounds like the different parts of you are more like different individuals than the different parts of changelings are. Is that to do with why you're named with numbers?

I'm glad you're getting to be lots of different people, that sounds fun. I look forwards to meeting Aftran 1304.

Hey! I'm Aftran 1304, it's nice to meet you!

We're all parts of Aftran, and share everything that any of us have known or experienced when we go back to it. It's too big to go anywhere itself, and has no senses except touch and location, so the only way to experience anything else is to put us into creatures with brains and senses, and then have us share what it was like. Sometimes parts of other members of our species share what they know and experience with us, but there are only two of us on Earth and the other one is far away, so we don't communicate with it very often. We're numbered in order of how much of Aftran went into us, and how interesting our goals are, and how much we've succeeded.

It's great to be so many people! We're a whole school of children now, which are most exciting and fulfilling, and also their parents, who are strategically useful, and a bunch of other humans! Apparently some humans put tiny magnets in their fingers (small, sensitive manipulating digits) in order to sense magnetic fields!

My host likes roller-coasters, which are carts that move on tracks that cause you to feel a lot of acceleration, and turn you upside-down, and feel like falling! Also his house has a giant spice cabinet and everything in it has a different flavor!