Mar 30, 2023 10:31 AM
so satya vaswani walks into a bar
Permalink

There is a bar.

Currently, the bar is empty. That will presumably change soon.

Total: 54
Posts Per Page:
Permalink

Satya found that the door out of her office did not lead to the connecting hallway.  The logical response to this was to drill a perfectly square hole into her office wall.  She stuck her head out and confirmed that the bar that was apparently connected to her office had not occupied the same space as the hallway that should have been behind the door.

Having caused sufficient damage to company property to confirm that this was not some elaborate prank at her expense, Satya grabbed her photon projector and entered the bar.  It was nice, quiet and empty which was how she liked her bars.  She built a sentry for herself out of light at the entrance she used and began looking around.

Permalink

As she looks at the bar, a napkin abruptly exists where a napkin was not.

Printed on it in a flowing script is the sentence Welcome to Milliways. May I interest you in a drink? First one's free.

Permalink

"Lassi," she answers, "Mango preferably."  She sits at the bar in front of the napkin, creating an ergonomically perfect chair for herself from strands of light.   "And what exactly is this?  A hallucination, advanced technology or magic?"

Permalink

A cup of lassi appears, with a napkin reading Magic, though technically I can't confirm I'm not a hallucination from your reference point. (I'm not, though.) The bar exists outside of time and space, and is sometimes referred to as "the bar at the end of the universe" due to the view from the windows. Your home universe is paused at the moment, and will be until either you return, you become unable to return, or you have no intention of returning. I provide food, drink, and other nonmagical items at reasonable currency-dependent prices. Also, someone is likely to enter the bar within the next few minutes; patrons typically cluster somewhat.

(The aforementioned windows show a very pretty view of several dozen supernovae, presumably from a distance at which supernovae are pretty rather than extravagantly lethal.)

Permalink

Satya nods in understanding, it's a good enough explanation for what she has experienced so far.   "Thank you for the warning," she says to the napkin with persumably neat and small writing upon it.  The concept of another patron is a distressing one for her but the lassi is good and the view outside is rather pretty.  She decides that this would make for a good break from work and sets about molding a small construct on the table, trying to match the shapes she sees in the exploding universe outside.

Permalink

 

After a significant period of time, she is joined in the bar by a bipedal lizard in leather armor carrying an elaborately decorated light crossbow and a human infant. He stands at approximately 0.7 Torbjorns in height.

"Deekin thinking Deekin take wrong turn at dead umber hulk," the lizard quavers. "Human lady know where this is?"

Permalink

Satya flinches at the sudden sound of talking, turning to look for someone at eye level before looking down at Deekin.  In answer to his question she picks up a blank napkin and holds it out to him so that the bar can more easily respond.  After giving the bar a moment to answer and also after collecting her own thoughts, she speaks.  "You are Deekin you said?  I take it that baby isn't yours."

Permalink

"Tynan not biologically Deekin's, no. Just traveling companion." Deekin scans the napkin, then nods cautiously and hops up onto a barstool. "Magic bar. Okay. Deekin get... cow blood with brandy."

The requested beverage appears before him. He takes a sip and looks pleasantly surprised. He places the baby (Tynan?) on the bar next to him, and the baby receives a bottle of inky-black liquid, which he sucks on with apparent satisfaction.

Permalink

Satya isn't sure what social protocol is supposed to be in this situation, but that is also true of most situations.  "I'm Satya Vaswani."  She looks and sounds like she is taking this situation in stride.  "I don't think whatever in that bottle is appropriate for human babies.  Is Tynan human?"  She's fidgeting with the light construct she was making on the table, turning it into a much more abstract shape.

Permalink

"Used to be," Deekin shrugs. "Deekin not sure what Tynan is at this point. Partly made of shadows, Deekin pretty sure."

Looking a bit closer, Tynan's hair is somewhat ephemeral, and his eyes are dark enough that there's no distinction between iris and pupil. It's not quite enough to put him in the Uncanny Valley, but it's noticeable.

Permalink

"Should I be worried, am I neglectful if I do not become worried?" she asks, both to Deekin and the bar.  The uncanny valley effect is distressing to Satya, so to avoid dealing with it she takes extra interest in her cup of lassi.

Permalink

Deekin makes a so-so motion with his hand. "Tynan seem okay to Deekin. Hasn't aged in a while, but seems okay in general. Deekin not too worried."

Permalink

Satya bites her lip and then nods.  "You are likely the more qualified one here about this."  She calms down significantly as she decides that the theoretically demonic baby is not her problem.  "Just to keep everything equivalent between us since you seem to know about humans, what are you?"

Permalink

"Deekin kobold. Kobolds descended from dragons. Most kobolds kind of mean and not very smart, but Deekin try to buck stereotype."

Permalink

"Hence taking in the baby where other Kobolds would be mean to it?  Sensible."  She considers her next words for a silent moment before giving up.  "I cannot figure out the nice way to ask this, but how are you to show that you are intelligent?  Do have a field of study?"

Permalink

Deekin doesn't seem offended. "Deekin write books. Already wrote one book, Shadows of Undrentide. Sold big, got little Deekin very famous. Currently in process of writing second book, Hordes of Underdark. Deekin think this one better, but who knows what invisible hand of free market decides."

Permalink

Satya shrugs.  She isn't fidgeting as erratically and her light construct is starting to become less abstract and more geometric.  "Marketing departments and the people in them claim they do?  I know nothing about it beyond that somehow me refusing to smile during client meetings makes their job more difficult"

Permalink

"Nobody can tell if Deekin smiling or not because mammals not know how to read reptilian expressions. Solution: be kobold."

Tynan stares at the light construct, enraptured, as he sticks his entire fist in his mouth.

Permalink

Satya moves the light construct so that it is surrounding Tynan, dimming it so that it does not risk damaging his eyes.  She isn't sure what babies like but floating geometric cubes should entertain him.

She laughs at Deekin's joke.  "Good solution...I sort of did that once.  At a company Halloween party in our New York branch. I was mocked for coming in just my work attire.  Two years later, I was pressured into attending again, so I wore this."  She displays an image on her palm, a model of herself in heavy makeup and prosthetics to look like some sort of dragon.

Permalink

Tynan burbles with delight.

"Impressive," Deekin says of the costume. "Deekin working on spell to turn self into dragon permanently. Slow going, though. Also, spell will probably kill Deekin, but that not necessarily insurmountable."

Permalink

"Magic would at least be more comfortable then makeup so there is that at least."  She seems actually comfortable with this conversation now.  The baby seems to be simple to amuse, which is and ideal quality of a baby.  "This shadow that the baby was exposed to, it won't react negatively to my light show will it?"

Permalink

Deekin shakes his head. "Baby not sensitive to light except sunlight. Sunlight not great. Magic light fine."

Permalink

"Hard light is not magic, it is..." Satya takes a deep breath to stop herself from just reciting her dissertation.  She has done that before. Word for word.  On dating attempts.  "Complicated science.  I can alter the light's intensity and permeability at will."

To demonstrate she quickly makes Tynan a simple rattle, using her prosthetic hand to mold it out of light before passing it to him.  It is very purposely designed to be quieter then most rattles.

Permalink

Tynan gamely shakes the rattle a couple of times. Then he eats it. His sclera glow brightly for a couple of seconds, then the light vanishes as if it had never been.

Deekin stares. "That... not happened before."

Permalink

Satya very quickly reaches forward, pinching the air in front of the baby's face.  She scowls when her fingers close on nothing.  "The light is gone.  Not just dissapated or shattered."

She just as quickly pulls her hands away and starts deconstructing all the hard light she has left on the table.  "The baby seems to be fine.  Can you confirm as much?  I know nothing of this magic."

Total: 54
Posts Per Page: