Jan 18, 2018 8:20 PM
call me maybe
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Demon Cam and Ripper
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Cam is out flying. There's a decent cloud of atmosphere around the gold plane, now, millenia of demons making air around themselves for comfort and not sealing it up because why would you bother. There's a small forest, here - the effect is kind of ruined by the lamps it has to grow under, but it's still pretty.

He feels an open summons and lets it grab him -
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- and finds himself in a small and pretty thoroughly wrecked-looking apartment, in a circle drawn with green Sharpie on masking tape on carpet, facing two drunk boys with markers. One of them has a book in his right hand; he squints at it, then at Cam.

"I think we fucked it up, Rayne."

"Gimme that," says the other one, reaching for the book.
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Cam looks at the circle. It's terrible.

"Just a little," he understates. "What can I do for you?"
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The hell of it is, the circle is clearly drawn very very carefully. It's just wrong to the point of barely functioning.

"We did everything right," says the second boy, examining the open pages of the book and comparing a diagram there to the circle on the floor.

"I told you not to trust that fucking book," the first one grumbles. "Didn't I bloody tell you? Now look what we've done."

"Well, no use crying over spilled milk," says the second. "We got something." He addresses Cam. "We want you to clean our apartment."

"Ugh," says the first boy, rubbing his face with both hands. "Why do I ever listen to you?"
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"The trouble is, your book is not a very good book. I do not, in fact, have to clean your apartment," points out Cam, amused.

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"See, even the demon knows your book is stupid."

"It's a sad day when you're so keen to say you told me so you'll look to a demon to back you up," says the second boy, previously addressed as Rayne.

"The demon is prettier than you," the grumbly one points out, although the logic behind this statement is anybody's guess.
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Cam snorts. "I'm flattered. Anyway. If I offer to clean your apartment for you do I get anything out of it or did you expect to be able to make me do it for free and you're into casual slavery?"

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"Well, what do you want?" says Rayne.

"Don't bargain with demons drunk, Rayne," says the other one.

"I'm not half as drunk as you are, and you can't stop me."
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"It's funny, I don't usually get asked to specify. Most people who summon demons don't let us talk."

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...Both boys squint confusedly at him.

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"This is a really bad circle. You're very lucky you got me, you could have gotten someone seriously unpleasant and they'd have landed completely off-leash. I am nice, although if you want to dismiss me rather than hope I'm telling the truth I will understand."

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"Well," says the apparently very singleminded Rayne, "are you going to clean our apartment?"

His friend just sighs.
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"Do you actually live here? It looks like the set for a depressing period drama."

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"You don't have to be that rude about it," says the grumbly one.

"He's a demon, Ripper," Rayne says affectionately.
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"No, I'm serious, what year does your interior decorator think it is, nineteen-sixty or something?"

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"Interior decorator?" says Rayne, giving Cam a funny look.

"He's a demon, Rayne," says, apparently, Ripper.
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"Yes, I'm a demon. Is that a landline telephone?" Pause. "That's... okay. What year do you two think it is?"

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"It's nineteen ninety-five," says Ripper. "Why, are you a time-travelling judgmental excessively pretty demon?"

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"Apparently! Last I checked it was 2159!"

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"Does that mean you're not going to clean anything?" inquires Rayne.

"You're just not letting that go, are you," says Ripper.
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"Nineteen ninety-five in a terrible circle in a place Earthlike enough to have English-speakers I'd better spend my time patching your ozone layer and letting you hire a cleaning service," snorts Cam. "Which one of you finished this diagram?"

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...They look at each other.

They shrug.
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"Oh, for crying out loud," sighs Cam. "Okay, so ninteen ninety-five, where did you even find that misinformative book you got this circle out of?"

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"Rayne got it from a drug dealer who's into the occult," says Ripper, "because Rayne is occasionally an idiot."

"Not all my friends are dealers, Ripper."

"This one is."
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"And you decided it might work to summon a demon to clean your apartment - that it was worth your time to try - even given the fact that you're clearly both drunk, how'd that happen?"

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Ripper points at Rayne.

"It was perfectly logical," sniffs Rayne.

"To you, because you're lazy and irresponsible," says Ripper.

"You helped," says Rayne.

"I always help you with your bad ideas. That doesn't make them good ideas."
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