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Ivan must be drunker than he thought he was. He could have sworn he knew his way around Vivienne's parents' house, since she wanted to introduce him last week and showed him the place, but maybe they have a... secret... upstairs... bar? where Vivienne's room is supposed to be? And most certainly was last time he checked? He's never going to find the sweater she sent him up looking for here, anyway. Why is there a secret upstairs bar in Vivienne's parents' house?
isthisart
"It's... a napkin. A spontaneously appearing napkin, mind you," says Linya.
The napkin reads, Hello. Can I interest you in a beverage? First one's free.
The napkin reads, Hello. Can I interest you in a beverage? First one's free.
thisvorlunatic
Miles makes his way over to the bar, more on the tables than between them. Stalas follows in a more sedate and ground-bound fashion.
"...Uh," says Miles, when he reaches the bar and climbs up on a stool and reads the napkin.
"What is it?" says Stalas.
"A... magic talking bar, it looks like," says Miles.
"Well, that's sort of in keeping with how this day has been going," says Stalas.
"...Uh," says Miles, when he reaches the bar and climbs up on a stool and reads the napkin.
"What is it?" says Stalas.
"A... magic talking bar, it looks like," says Miles.
"Well, that's sort of in keeping with how this day has been going," says Stalas.
middlingalong
"Are you," says Ivan to the bar dubiously, "a magic talking bar?"
Yes, appears another napkin.
"Grand," says Ivan, "because I'm not drunk enough for this, I'll have the... house... whatever. You're a magic bar, I expect magic bars to be good at drink recommendations, why I have expectations about magic bars I do not know."
Ivan gets a glass of something dark pink.
He picks it up and sniffs it and takes a sip and says, "Well, that's delicious."
Yes, appears another napkin.
"Grand," says Ivan, "because I'm not drunk enough for this, I'll have the... house... whatever. You're a magic bar, I expect magic bars to be good at drink recommendations, why I have expectations about magic bars I do not know."
Ivan gets a glass of something dark pink.
He picks it up and sniffs it and takes a sip and says, "Well, that's delicious."
thisvorlunatic
"You don't know where that's been, Ivan," says Miles.
"Be polite to the magic talking bar, Miles," says Stalas.
"Be polite to the magic talking bar, Miles," says Stalas.
isthisart
I would never serve a patron something unsafe, napkins the bar indignantly.
Linya waves her scanner at Ivan and the beverage. "If it's unsafe, it's very subtly so," she says. "But this scanner has learned about two brand new substances today, so."
Linya waves her scanner at Ivan and the beverage. "If it's unsafe, it's very subtly so," she says. "But this scanner has learned about two brand new substances today, so."
thisvorlunatic
"How do you tell what's unsafe?" asks Stalas, interestedly. "I mean, you could get away with giving me something lyrium-infused - more of it than you could give to a regular dwarf, even. But it'd kill these humans."
isthisart
I am very good at what I do. But I suspect that lyrium would not improve most beverages along most axes.
"What sort of sensory modality does a magic talking bar have, anyway?"
I can in a relatively conventional sense see and hear. I have a lot of practice at identifying various species and can also tell where visitors are from, which helps.
"What sort of sensory modality does a magic talking bar have, anyway?"
I can in a relatively conventional sense see and hear. I have a lot of practice at identifying various species and can also tell where visitors are from, which helps.
thisvorlunatic
"I don't suppose you know anything about why Stalas and I are suspiciously similar," says Miles. "Or how we got here."
"Mages totally drink lyrium potions all the time," says Stalas. "Not for the taste, admittedly."
"Mages totally drink lyrium potions all the time," says Stalas. "Not for the taste, admittedly."
isthisart
If you want a lyrium potion in a safe dose, I will hardly second-guess you, but I would be more likely to recommend something more caloric and possibly caffeinated, writes the bar. You got here like everyone else; the door reaches into various places in various worlds depending on whims I am not privy to. It is not uncommon for multiple worlds to have instances of the same sort of person, who often but not always also look alike. Such as yourselves.
"I'm curious now, what would you recommend for me?" asks Linya.
Oh, how about raspberry lemonade?
"Huh."
"I'm curious now, what would you recommend for me?" asks Linya.
Oh, how about raspberry lemonade?
"Huh."
thisvorlunatic
"...You know what, caloric sounds good," says Stalas. "Caloric sounds very good. Do you serve food too?"
isthisart
Certainly. But only the first drink is free.
"And what do you charge?"
Reasonable currency-dependent prices. The spread I am inclined to offer Stalas if undirected would be thirty-one Barrayaran marks.
"I will buy him dinner, if you can take my credit," says Linya.
I certainly can.
"And how is that going to turn up on my statement from First Galactic?"
I couldn't begin to tell you.
"And what do you charge?"
Reasonable currency-dependent prices. The spread I am inclined to offer Stalas if undirected would be thirty-one Barrayaran marks.
"I will buy him dinner, if you can take my credit," says Linya.
I certainly can.
"And how is that going to turn up on my statement from First Galactic?"
I couldn't begin to tell you.
thisvorlunatic
"Thank you, that's very kind," says Stalas, climbing up on the stool next to Miles. "I'll take my free drink and my free dinner, then. I don't suppose there's also a free bath around here somewhere?"
isthisart
Food appears. Considerable, rich, artfully plated, dwarf-friendly food, complete with beverage and a dessert.
There is a restroom to your right around my corner, and full baths associated with the rooms upstairs, which may be rented.
"For which you also charge reasonable currency-dependent prices?"
One hundred seventy-five marks per night.
"I will rent him a room at least long enough that he can take a bath."
There is a restroom to your right around my corner, and full baths associated with the rooms upstairs, which may be rented.
"For which you also charge reasonable currency-dependent prices?"
One hundred seventy-five marks per night.
"I will rent him a room at least long enough that he can take a bath."
thisvorlunatic
"You are a kind and generous soul," says Stalas, and then he does not say any more things because he is busy eating.
"...How long has it been since your last meal?" asks Miles, staring.
Stalas holds up three fingers.
"Three days?"
Nod.
"Good God."
"...How long has it been since your last meal?" asks Miles, staring.
Stalas holds up three fingers.
"Three days?"
Nod.
"Good God."
middlingalong
"If I had known that I would have gone downstairs and gotten you a plate of crackers from the party," says Ivan, still engrossed in his yummy beverage. "...If that wouldn't have got rid of the magic wormhole door?"
It would almost certainly have returned the door to its customary state. However, while you are here with the door closed, time is paused in your worlds under most circumstances.
It would almost certainly have returned the door to its customary state. However, while you are here with the door closed, time is paused in your worlds under most circumstances.
thisvorlunatic
"Well, that's eminently sensible," says Miles. "Then again, why isn't there signal in here with the door closed? Surely the magic wormhole could accomplish such a thing if it tried."
isthisart
When the door is closed, where it leads is undefined, and undefinition is terrible for wireless reception.
Linya laughs.
Linya laughs.
thisvorlunatic
Miles giggles. Stalas smiles, too, but it's the smile of someone who doesn't quite entirely get the joke.
isthisart
"What, besides that it's subject to opaque whimsy, can you say about the mechanics of the door?"
Linya gets a densely texted napkin, which she unfolds and takes a picture of with her pen and reads through.
Linya gets a densely texted napkin, which she unfolds and takes a picture of with her pen and reads through.
thisvorlunatic
"Very convenient, that," remarks Miles of the vanished glass. "What would you recommend to me, incidentally?"
isthisart
Some form of coffee. There's room for creativity there if you have nothing in particular in mind.
Linya laughs again.
Linya laughs again.