"I did! I am trying to think how I can possibly get you something as good."

"I might get the exact same thing but it would be a present to myself, so to speak. You will have to be creative."

"He said something about that." He giggles and shakes his head. "I highly recommend it. ...if you can search the multiverse for ideal boyfriends that solves the problem of finding one discreetly, too."

"Yes it does. Although in the longer run I might want one less inclined to perpetually world-hop than Cam is, since I do have this country and supposedly I am to expect an empire."

"Not in time for your birthday, but indeed you shall."

"Good."

"If your ideal boyfriend finds being a secret a dealbreaker - it'd bother Cam a lot, I am uncertain how closely he approximates your ideal boyfriend other than the worldhopping - I'm planning to eventually reshuffle power so we're emperor and empress regnant and then you can openly have your own consort, people can say what they like."

"Sounds good. I think I'd work very well with an alt of myself, just not this one and not right now, not as a romance as opposed to a little fun."

He nods. "Presumably you come in 'straight boy'? I've been assuming there's no reason to think orientations and genders are fixed just because my family happens to be a neat duplicate of Maitimo-the-biggest-idiot-in-the-multiverse's."

"I seem to come in 'straight girl' and 'bisexual boy' so it would be odd if I never came in 'straight boy' but the sample size is two, so I'm not sure."

"Bisexual boy also works though I can't totally promise I will not occasionally hit on bisexual boy versions of you."

"I figured."

And that afternoon he finds Maitimo and tells him he is the biggest idiot in the multiverse.

"I think Elves might be more monogamously inclined and slower to get over things than humans," Maitimo says.

"I mean, it's not strictly my business if you want to spend the next five centuries single."

"I do."

"You're still the biggest idiot in the multiverse."

"If I'd been smarter," he says, "I could have found out what Melkor was planning fifty Years sooner and maneuvered the Valar into stopping him and saved everyone."

"That too, I guess, though even Dad didn't do that..."

"And then yes I suppose there wouldn't have been a war on and maybe I'd have liked the boy equivalent of the girl you married under completely different circumstances."

"Mmmm hmmmm," Mitros says. 

And eventually there is a worldleaper, lightleaper distance from the planet, and who wants to come to Endorë and see the place and check if they can summon?

Fannar! And an elderly person who'll probably die soon so at least they'll know quickly whether this hooks them into Cam's native afterlife system.

Cool. Elves: stay here or go home?

Elves will go home, their local counterparts seem to have things well in hand.

And Cam goes too because he finds not speaking Marlese annoying and even if Fannar can't summon he can teach Fëanáro Marlese and Fëanáro can summon.

They're back in Arda. The Elves start checking their internet workspaces for important notes and projects. Fëanáro wants to solicit more demons to help on the binary-search inhabited-planet-finding process, if there are any that can be trusted with the knowledge of interdimensional travel, if Cam doesn't have any recommendations perhaps he can briefly go back to Hell and put a Maitimo there to try to screen people? Also please give him all languages that are spoken in the dimension they explored.

Maitimo and Findekáno shake hands and head off in opposite directions. Fannar draws a summoning circle.

"All languages" is a tall order what with the literally every human on the planet having one of their own with no written equivalent on top of a human-normal variety of vernaculars. Cam has some loose recommendations based more on professional than personal knowledge but perhaps it would be easier to vet demonized Men or Dwarves than to rely on a Maitimo being able to handle life in Hell where a lot of things are casually radioactive and everyone expects everyone else they meet to be a demon.

There's only a handful of demonized Men and Dwarves so far, since it's been so little time, but letters will be addressed to them. There's a blessing for radiation; everyone expecting everyone else to be a demon might be more of a problem. Fëanáro is really really out of his mind at the thought that every single person has a language. Well, he'll learn as many as he can.

And Fannar's summoning circle works! It produces a racist angel who glares at Cam but accepts a record player as compensation for her time ("can't beat vinyl").

"Speaking of your polyglottalism I want to piggyback on that," Cam tells Fëanáro, "computer translation's great and all but not ideal."

Fëanáro guesses the idea. "Should we tell that poor child to send you home?"

"Yeah."

The poor child had returned to Endore once summoning was established to work and 'making Cam go away forever by killing a child' no longer available as an option. He lives with his parents in Himring; someone calls them up, and he sends Cam to Hell.