"Hi."

"Hi. Is everybody in?"

"I thought Rebecca was with the welcomers still? Theodore came back. I think everybody else who lives here is home."

"Can we talk to them?"

"No I am here to guard the house against you and will totally hex you if you go for the door."

They go in. They herd wizards.

"Is this some big announcement?"

"Kind of? I want it and lots of things that follow from it to be common knowiedge."

" - okay."

"Should that sound ominous?"

"Maybe a tiny bit."

"We're listening."

"It came up in conversation with the new Elves from the new planet that they had a civil war, in the aftermath of which Maitimo decided to keep his cousin a prisoner indefinitely, and also cut his hair, which the other Elves were appalled at, and also have it widely known that he is his consort, which add up to a fairly worrying picture."

"You don't say."

"So you are soliciting volunteers to turn him into a frog?"

"Oh dear Elf hair is really quite a big deal. They were so alarmed about the potion ingredient question."

"The Elves were very very distraught about the hair. I was unclear at first on whether that was because they had missed the implication about the sexual slavery but I think they actually think the hair thing is worse."

"The hair is a sex thing."

"Anyway, we are strongly opposed to turning anyone into anything but if you want to throw creative ideas which will not be acted on around that'd be a reasonable way to feel about it."

"'We' meaning -

"Aitim and I, with Aitim providing insight into how to get the new Elves on board with better life choices and me being less likely to get a lot of criticism for suggesting things."

"Er," says Miranda, "why did he decide to do this, is that... known?"

"Not exactly? They had a civil war, they were on opposite sides of it."

"...okay, that would strike me as an obvious early question for getting him to... not... but presumably you know your business."

"I mean, I think he'll probably stop because it'll be politically unpopular. Understanding why he did it would be useful for, like, getting him to understand why he shouldn't do it, but as long as he's not doing it then, well, as far as I'm concerned his true feelings are between him and his appalling-sounding gods."