[OPEN] A Warning Against CANE SUGAR, the Damning Poison of URGOTHA

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Nov 21, 2024 10:33 PM

As we have heard about the Damning Influence of Paper Currency, we must also consider the other subtle traps which the Gods Of Evil have laid for us. Foremost among them is the seemingly innocuous Cane Sugar. It seems innocent, a most tasty delight which helps countless dishes, but it is a most Dangerous poison. If only its consumers knew its origin! The only place where CANE SUGAR can be grown is the dark realm of GEB, where it is sustained by URGOTHAN NECROMANCIES AND DARK MAGICS, powered by the torment of COUNTLESS SOULS. If merely handling items tied to the soul trade is Damning, how dangerous can it be to consume a substance which can only be PRODUCED by Torture. And as a creation of UNHOLY NECROMANCY, can we truly trust its health consequences? I have heard many stories of people becoming ADDICTED to the substance, losing their lives savings, of it inflicting CRIPPLING headaches, causing a ghoul-like pallor of the skin, and even of dissolving the bones. I even heard tale of one boy who poisoned himself OVERINDULGING in the substance, only to rise from his grave as a ZOMBIE the next day.

We must reject this spiritually polluting and physically dangerous CONTAMINATION, as many of the WISE MEN OF THE EAST have. But do not fear its loss, for there are many GOOD alternatives for the creation of SWEET TREATS without its SOUL-RISKING dangers. Foremost among these is PURE CHELISH HONEY, which is created without cruelty to man or beast and can be used for much the same culinary purposes; in FACT, i would argue it also surpasses the POISON OF URGOTHA in taste.

I call upon all right-thinking individuals who fear for the fates of their bodies and souls to refrain from the consumption of CANE SUGAR as soon as possible. Furthermore, I call upon the Queen and Convention to place a PERMANENT BAN upon the import of the POISON OF URGOTHA, and to provide support for the GOOD BEEKEEPERS of Cheliax who seek to replace it.

Within the SPAN OF A WEEK, we will publish a COOKBOOK, THE PROPER USE OF HONEY IN SWEET FOOD, to guide those seeking to preserve their SOULS while still enjoying SWEET FOOD.

~ THE COALITION FOR THE PRESERVATION OF CHELIAX FROM THE POISON OF CANE SUGAR

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Estella Cornellia

Sausage and Stews

Nscruiser

She had vaguely entertained some notions of appearing, if not Good, at least not Evil before the Judge after her bit of heroism publicizing on the dangers of Eriape's Preserve. But of course, even sugar itself is apparently Evil! Oh wait, there reasoning isn't just the usage of necromantic slaves, it is some pamphlet insanity... and this pamphlet is just an advertisement for honey and honey-based recipes? That isn't how necromancy works, she would know! And she'll buy a honey focused cookbook anyway, they don't have to remind her of her inevitable damnation!

The Badger

galaxy-brain-publication

girllich

(on the Matter of Sugar) After Some Investigation Into the properties of Modern Sugar we can Regrettably find no Trace of the Obverse Power Within!

Laia Solandra

summersummer

Alicorn

...okay, that's actually kind of concerning. Sugar can't be THAT evil because Laia's got a ferocious sweet tooth and it is magically impossible for her to be evil and also get spells from Shelyn, but it could still be a LITTLE evil, and more to the point it could actually be relying on the undead farming in Geb. The pamphlet seems a bit overwrought and self-interested but she has separately heard that sugar is mostly grown in Geb, in school or at a party or something, she can't remember exactly.

She does a dramatic reading. She already goes through honey as a vocal preservation aid but she'll just have to lean on it a bit more.

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