Iobel and not!Elves
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He nods. Glances around, spies Cricket, addresses him. "For the record, Beanpole always found that calling for Mitros' evisceration didn't get me nearly as angry at him as she'd have liked and was sometimes counterproductive."

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"Cricket doesn't have very much Marlese."

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"Well, you can tell him yourself if you ever want him to tone it down." He shakes his head. "He is planning to visit tomorrow but I can tell him not to."

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"I did tell him to give me a week."

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"Okay. Would you like to know what he's been up to?"

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"Sure."

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"He has demanded that the palace staff replace all the wallpaper in his office and then spent most of his time lying in bed staring at the ceiling or writing in notebooks, he's filled three."

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"...Wow, I've only done two and a half."

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"You might have better handwriting?"

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"Maybe. Or more condensed shorthand. Now the question is are these notebooks about how guilty he is or about how to finagle me into enabling him."

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"Probably both, because Mitros. At least one notebook is on the topic of the phrase 'vaguely sociopathic' but I don't know what it says.

I asked him your name and he said 'Iobel. Iobel Swan.' in the most absurd voice and I said 'it sounds like you're desperately lovestruck' and he said he was, but in the wrong way. I think he feels overwhelmingly awful. I also think he feels awful at least a little bit because feeling awful helps him get what he wants."

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"I mean, of all the qualities I have that I could feel used for my suitability as a queen is probably my favorite option..."

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He nods.

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"...I'm sort of guessing you're his ex or something?"

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"Did he literally dump you to take up with me or is it less awful than that?"

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"I dumped him I think months before he met you because he'd decided that he wanted to get married and be a King. I think he'd have broken it off once he thought it all through but I did not feel like giving him the time to figure that out."

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"Well, that's less awful. I haven't decided whether I want to be queen badly enough or not yet but I did decide that if the answer is I do I wouldn't mind if he had a boyfriend."

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"Interesting. He asked me when we broke up if, if it worked out that way, we could ever get back together."

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"What'd you say?"

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"He actually asked permission to try. I said it would have to be one hell of a try." 

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"Well, he's very appealing when he wants to be. Not that I wasn't helping him along because, you know, why wouldn't a charming prince notice I was wonderful and want to make me queen and why would I not smooth that out with my considerable powers of self-editing."

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"He is, isn't he. In what directions were you self-editing?"

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"Oh, it wasn't even very much, just insult to injury."

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"He is by all accounts - and not accounts particularly biased towards him - right that you'd make a good Queen."

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